266. Your Brain Has Too Many Tabs Open: Managing the Voice in Your Head

How to turn down the chatter of negative self-talk.

If you want to have better conversations with others, Ethan Kross says you first have to quiet down the chatter in your own head.

A professor, researcher, and author, Kross defines chatter as a “negative thought loop” that hijacks our attention and undermines our ability to perform. “We have a limited capacity to focus our attention,” he says. “Attentional resources are a limited commodity, and chatter acts like a sponge that consumes that capacity. It leaves very little leftover that allows us to do the things that we want or need to do.”

In his work researching, teaching, and writing about emotional regulation and the conscious mind, Kross has explored how to manage the negative self-talk that sabotages our concentration. “Here's the good news,” he says. “You can get out of it. Managing your chatter [is] a lot like becoming physically fit” — and he’s developed tools and frameworks for building the muscles to turn down the noise.

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Kross joins host Matt Abrahams to share methods for quieting chatter and reclaiming precious mental resources. From distanced self-talk to mental time travel, his tools offer a way to tune out the static and tune into clarity and connection.

To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium.

Episode Reference Links:

• Ethan Kross
• Ethan’s Books: Chatter / Shift
• Ep.179 Finding Positive in Negative Emotions: Communication, Happiness & Wellbeing

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• Matt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Introduction
• (02:28) - Defining Chatter
• (04:58) - Breaking the Loop
• (09:55) - Technology & Emotional Sharing
• (13:21) - Why “Get Over It” Fails
• (18:41) - Emotions as Data
• (21:12) - The Final Three Questions
• (24:58) - Conclusion

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