Humility vs. "Performative": When Your Values Are Misjudged with Courtney Martin

In this episode of The Gaslight Effect Podcast, Dr. Robin Stern continues the limited series Conversations at the Edge—a space for staying grounded, curious, and connected when conversations move into charged, uncertain, or deeply divided territory. Inspired by Robin's ongoing dialogue with her dear friend Lynn Redleaf, the series is rooted in a simple but urgent belief: we have to be able to talk about what matters, with dignity and respect, even when we don't agree.

Robin is joined by writer, journalist, and longtime friend Courtney E. Martin, whose work explores family, community, moral courage, and the messy realities of living by our values. Courtney shares how growing up in polarized Colorado Springs shaped her appetite for difficult conversations, and how her mother's decades-long practice of gathering women and amplifying stories helped form her deep commitment to nuance, belonging, and community.

Together, Robin and Courtney discuss what it means to confront privilege without collapsing into shame or defensiveness, including the personal journey behind Courtney's book Learning in Public: Lessons for a Racially Divided America from My Daughter's School. Courtney reflects on the emotional complexity of choosing a Black-majority public school, the relational fallout of making a different choice than her progressive peers, and the pressure of being labeled "performative"—along with how she turns those moments into opportunities for humility, discernment, and deeper alignment.

The conversation widens into the everyday practices that sustain us: building long-term friendships, living in intentional community, multi-generational family life, and the power of repair—especially what children can teach us about coming back together after conflict. With warmth, humor, and honesty, this episode is a reminder that connection isn't a luxury—it's a practice, and it's how we keep our humanity intact at the edge.

To check out this and other episodes, head over to robinstern.com.

Don't forget to subscribe to The Gaslight Effect Podcast on your favorite podcast platform, and be sure to leave us a review to let us know what you think. Until next time, remember: healing is a journey, and you don't have to walk it alone.

Dr. Robin Stern's Social Media Links:

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/drrobinstern/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/dr.robinstern/

Twitter (X) - https://twitter.com/RobinSStern

LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/robin-stern-220b403a

Dr. Robin Stern's Books:

The Gaslight Effect

The Gaslight Effect Recovery Guide

Emotional Intelligence for School Leaders

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