Purity Culture Recovery: Shame, Deconstruction, and Autistic Masking (w/ Erica Smith)

Purity culture. High control religion. Autistic masking. In this episode, Brett (The AuDHD Boss) gets vulnerable about growing up in a fundamentalist evangelical environment—and how rigid rules and shame can stay in your body long after you’ve “left.”

Brett is late-diagnosed Autistic + ADHD, and in this conversation with author and educator Erica Smith, they explore why purity culture can feel especially “sticky” when you’re used to rule-following, people-pleasing, and masking for safety. Erica is the author of The Purity Culture Recovery Guide: The Shame-Free Sex Education You Deserve and founder of the Purity Culture Dropout Program—inclusive, trauma-informed education many of us never received.

In this episode we talk about:

• What purity culture is (and how it became a movement)

• How shame and fear shape relationships and identity

• Why rigid rules can feel “safe”—and how to replace them with your values

• What “deconstruction” means and how it can support healing

• “Is it too late?” (No. Ever.)

• Late coming-out, “second adolescence,” and reclaiming your timeline

• How to talk to partners about your background without apologizing for it

Links & resources:
Erica Smith’s book (affiliate): https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9798881801304
Purity Culture Dropout Program: https://www.ericasmitheac.com/the-purity-culture-dropout-program
More from AuDHD Boss: AuDHDboss.com

(For education and lived experience—not medical advice.)

00:00 Purity culture, high control religion & autistic masking
00:56 Leaving the church, carrying shame + rigid rules
01:47 Meet Erica Smith + The Purity Culture Recovery Guide
02:47 What purity culture is (broad + specific)
04:15 Why it took hold in the 90s (True Love Waits)
05:46 Reading recovery work when it feels activating
07:42 Skip to the chapters you need (how Erica designed the book)
10:10 Myths and misinformation purity culture taught
12:59 Long-term impacts: fear, paralysis, pain, disconnection
14:53 Autistic masking + rigid rule-following overlap
16:04 Replacing rules with your values
18:02 What “deconstruction” means
18:47 “Is it too late?”
21:27 Late coming-out + “second adolescence”
24:49 Why “waiting for marriage” still has a hold
28:02 Talking to partners without apologizing
30:18 Final thoughts + where to find Erica