Talking, Teens, and Twenty-four Years :: Bruce + Heather [Ep 399]

“In this world you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 Pain is inevitable. In James we are told to “consider it all joy” when we encounter trials. James also wrote to ask God for wisdom and He will give it generously. Which I realized from a sermon this week has more to do with wisdom we gain from the challenging circumstances, not necessarily wisdom to get out of them. But how many of us share our broken places with others? How often do we wait until the pain has passed and life is back to “normal” to share and minister to others? What if God longs for you to offer up the wisdom you are gaining in the midst of the challenge? This week’s guest is Dr. Peggy Banks (Global Ministry Director for TWR Women of Hope). I’m a big Peggy fan. Years ago she discipled me in a deeper understanding of God and His Spirit in me. She modeled how to pray intimately with my heavenly Father. She taught me all the Spirit does in and through us. She inspired me with her passion for women around the world to know the healing available through Jesus Christ. In this episode Peggy shares her own painful places. A past that includes abuse. A journey of learning to trust and stop striving in performance. She encourages us to meet with Jesus daily. And what that looks like for her. Peggy encourages us to gather with others in small groups to spur each other on in our spiritual journeys. Sharing what He is doing and lifting one another up in the process. Peggy was a minister of Spiritual formation at my church for years. And now she leads a global ministry to women, TWR Women of Hope. God is using her pain for a purpose. Every day women around the world are hearing the gospel in their own language through the power of the airwaves. As a podcaster, I’m so inspired by the work of Women of Hope and Trans World Radio. “As a small Army-surplus transmitter went on the air in Tangier, Morocco, in early 1954, the first step had been taken toward the development the world’s largest evangelical media organization” – Trans World Radio Such a cool idea to realize the gospel has been traveling via airways since the 50s. What a joy to join Him in the work of spreading the good news! What we chat about: Peggy’s hidden pain while looking perfect on the outside and performing for approval. The “spiritual mom” who helped Peggy get healing from the bondage and brokenness of abuse. Learning to vulnerably share your struggles with those you are leading. Advice for the listener who is in the middle of the painful place. What does it mean “to be with Jesus”. Gathering together with a group to be real and share your current pain. How Peggy’s tattoos helped her minister to a specific group of women. Peggy’s personal mission statement: “Helping hurting women around the world helping to find hope and healing in the person of Jesus Christ.” Links Mentioned: **If you or someone you know is involved in a domestic abuse situation, here is an online resource: Focus Ministries National 24-hour Women of Substance Crisis Intervention Hotline: 1-866-862-2873 National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 Peace and Safety in the Christian Home: www.peaceandsafety.com FaithTrust Institute: www.faithtrustinstitute.org TWR Women of Hope –in 70+ different languages Trans World Radio (twr) “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1) “Power of the Other” by Henry Cloud ** “Translating God”  by Shawn Bolz** “No Longer Slaves” by Jonathan Helser Video message from Peggy about Women of Hope

16 Juli 201847min

Teens. Toddlers. Moms. No matter the age. We all struggle to remember (or know) the truth about who God says we are. And our position in Christ. When we forget, we let friends, circumstances, or lies feed our souls with identity. And that takes us down the path of uncertainty,  harmful activities and a broken path. Thankfully, today’s guest, Kristen Hatton, helps “Get Your Story Straight”. When her daughter was in 6th grade, Kristen started teaching her and a group of friends truth from the Bible. Unfortunately, there weren’t a lot of great resources available for preteens/teens. So she used notes from her husband’s sermons and wrote her own Bible study. (click here to check it out)** In this episode, Kristen and I talk about the struggle for our kids to know how “justification” applies to daily life. (And define what ‘justification’ means). We also chat about how to help teens navigate the challenges of social media. And Kristen vulnerably shares her daughter’s battle with an eating disorder (which began with internalizing social media posts). Lastly, Kristen helps us start to keep communication open with our kids. So when they are teens they will keep talking. I’m in the stage with lots of little people all trying to be with me and talk to me (at the same time). But after three blinks I’ll have a home full of teen boys. The time I spend listening now will impact how much they talk to me in the future. Very thankful for the help, perspective and wisdom from Kristen. Now I can see the teenage years as an age of opportunity not a season to be feared. What we chat about: How quickly our kiddos grow into teenagers. How Kristen saw a need for good bible study materials for teens. Helping our kids be anchored in who God says we are (not who their friends on social media says they are). Importance of teaching our kids the concept of justification. When the world is measuring perfection and performance but we know we are only perfect in Christ. How to communicate worth and identity to our kids. Why teens stop talking to their parents. Listening and asking probing questions. Responding with grace instead of condemnation. How internalizing social media posts led to her daughter’s eating disorder. How boys struggle with social media. How Kristen talks to her kids about the impact of social media. Talking to your sons & daughters about pornography. Keeping an open conversation. Reorienting your kids to the message of the gospel, moment-to-moment Links Mentioned: Get Your Story Straight: A Teen’s Guide to Learning and Living the Gospel by Kristen Hatton** The depressing Eggo commercial Why Teens Don’t Talk to Their Parents Connected Families–Jim & Lynn Jackson (Ep 80)–“You are Safe” message Birds and Bees? Oh Help Me, Please with Mary Flo Ridley {Ep 25} Eating Disorder Resources–article by Kristen Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, Second Edition (Resources for Changing Lives)

9 Juli 201848min

No matter the battleground . . . Marriage challenges. Child struggles. Health trials. Overwhelming circumstances. How do you maneuver the daily attacks that rob your joy and peace? This week’s mentor is Jan Greenwood, author and pastor of equipping at Gateway Church in Southlake, TX. In 2009, Jan was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer. After the first battle, she experienced years of healing. Then four days shy of her 6 year recovery anniversary, cancer resurged in her body. In this episode, Jan shares what God’s taught her about waging war. And how the football term #squareup impacted her battle strategies differently from the first and second time she fought cancer. Jan shares what it means for her to rest and let God fight for her. And encourages each of us to get a word and direction from the Lord for our unique situations. Here are a few of my favorite quotes from this episode: This time my mindset has had to become one of agreement and not one of opposition. And squaring up is not about being steadfast in the Word of God, but its really about can I square up in such a manner that I can look at Jesus and trust Him. I’m not very brave and not very strong. When I’m weak there’s a strength that shines through. And when I’m afraid, He makes me courageous. I know how to fight but I don’t know how to rest. What we chat about: How God spoke to Jan at the news of cancer’s resurgence. How Jan found comfort in her son’s football word “square up”. The difference between how Jan has fought cancer the first time and the second time. What “square up” means for her in this season. The story behind the hashtag Jan uses: #bravestronggirl. How her battle with cancer impacts her mothering. Jan’s desire to get women to war together instead against each other. The revelation to choose life and not succumb to death. What rest looks like in Jan’s every day. How you need your own word and direction from God. Links Mentioned: “Women at War: Declaring a Cease-fire on Toxic Female Relationships” ** (womenatwar.com) The #SquareUp story on her site JanGreenwood.me Brave Strong Girl — The Invitation — A Collaborative Devotional  **Amazon Affiliate Link

2 Juli 201842min

Chrystal is a real life friend. And one wise woman. Since this episode went live three years ago, she’s become. . .a grandmother to two adorable kiddos! But I’ll give you a tip. . .before you call her Granny. . . Chrystal prefers the title “MMC” (aka, “Mother of the Mother of the Child” ;). In twelve years of parenting I’ve learned a thing or two. I’ve gained confidence in my ability to handle high fevers, distinguish between a backhoe digger and a tractor, and (somewhat regularly) plan weekly meals. But most days I feel just as clueless as my first day home from the hospital.  When I sat on the closet floor cried buckets while cradling a screaming newborn. And had no idea how to stop either of our tears. These days it’s sibling arguments I fear may rival world wars. Or strong wills that no military force could conquer. Or the noise, chaos and never-ending mess that leave me feeling like a pair of dirty socks in the spin cycle. But I have one strategy that always helps. . . Asking moms who’ve gone before me for perspective. Showing me what matters and what doesn’t. Helping me navigate these days with faith and grace. On today’s podcast I’ve invited Chrystal Evans Hurst, mom to five to fill our mom hearts with nuggets of truth and wisdom. What we talked about: The realization Chrystal had when she turned 40 What Chrystal wants to make sure every mom knows The parenting advice Corrie Ten Boom gave Chuck Swindoll How to handle the shame or blame from those around us How to grow in confidence as a mother How to help and give grace to new moms How knowing the commonalities between ages 2, 12, 20 helps you parent better How to be the compassionate counselor to your children How to calmly set boundaries and appropriately direct emotions What God can accomplish and inspire you through prayer The impact of how your face communicates acceptance Three final tips Chrystal wants moms to know Links Mentioned: Chrystal on Ep 172 “Rescuing the Girl Inside You”  Chrystal’s Chronicles Podcast “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5 Toni Morrison on Oprah (video below. . .if reading via email click here)

25 Juni 201843min

Our first featured mentor is the fabulous Sheila Walsh!! “God had no grandchildren. He only had sons and daughters. Faith is something you have to choose for yourself.” Those words started Sheila Walsh on a journey to know God and His love for her. From the tragic death of her father to professional success as 700 club co-host to discover freedom and peace in a psychiatric ward, Sheila shares a bit of her beautiful broken story. “Suffering can be a gift from God. Because it really draws you closer to His heart. And a greater understanding that it’s never about me getting it right its about Christ who came to make everything right.” This may be a “top ten favorite” interview for me. I’ve been a fan of Sheila and her work for years. But her wisdom and God’s grace in this episode ministered to me in a way and time that I needed most. Resonating with my soul that “through the broken places Christ’s love is closest to us.” We also talk about fun ways to share the good news of God’s Word with your kids. How to keep the conversation open and allow our kids to ask hard, unanswerable questions. To give them the freedom to speak truth and know it doesn’t change God’s love for them. What we chat about: Sheila’s incredible testimony How brokenness is where God brings His love to us The story behind “Gigi, God’s Little Princess” series Fun ideas of how the Walsh family did “devotion time” Allowing our kids to be free to speak truth and ask hard questions Her latest book in “The Bible is My Best Friend” series to help lead your child to Jesus Links Mentioned: Will, God’s Mighty Warrior** Gigi, God’s Little Princess** Passion Conferences The Bible is My Best Friend Bible Storybook** The Bible is My Best Friend Family Devotional** Where Do I Find Jesus?** **Amazon Affiliate Link

18 Juni 201840min

We’ve talked a lot about calm parenting techniques on GCM in the past. It’s something many of us moms have seen work. But this episode is one you may want to listen to and invite your hubby to as well! Founder of Celebrate Calm, Kirk Martin, shares the powerful story of how he went from an angry, tough dad to a calm, coaching dad and why a dad’s role in parenting is so important. I believe this to be true most of the time. If you do not change and if you do not forge that connection with your son, most of those boys will grow up and become angry young men… And I would tell the men too if you have a daughter and if she doesn’t know that you like her. And that you accept her as she is even if she is difficult. I guarantee when she gets to her teenage years she’s going to seek a man’s affection in some teenage boy. What we chat about: Getting dads onboard with Calm Parenting techniques. Working with strong-willed children and how anger and tough punishments don’t work. Fear of failure as a parent is a strong motivator for us in discipline. Kids need to know that we can control ourselves as parents even when they are out control. Discipline means to teach, not to punish. It’s important to build trust with our kids so they know we have their best interests at heart. The idea of first-time obedience and whether it’s Biblical. Strong-willed children may never listen the first time and may do things their own way (but still obey). How our struggle to obey God often mirrors our kids’ struggle to obey. Leading our kids to contrition instead of demanding an apology. Coaching and role playing with our kids to teach them how to respond better in emotional situations. Think of calm techniques as a different tactic for problem solving.  It’s ok to give in from time to time to keep from going crazy (not the same as being “soft”). Try doing the opposite of what you are doing now and see what the response is. Links Mentioned: Men’s CD or download: “I Want To Be A Good Dad & Husband!” (2 CDs, 2 hours)   How to Stop Yelling, Lecturing & Power Struggles   Episode 62 Calmly Parenting the Strong Willed Child  Episode 69 Summer (& Sibling) Survival Guide  Episode 77 How to Stay Calm with School Stress Episode 88 Q & A with Kirk Martin Episode 104 10 Ways to Stop Meltdowns & Arguments Episode 139 **Amazon affiliate link

11 Juni 201858min

As moms, we know we need rest. We usually equate rest with sleep or with a vacation, but this week’s guest shares a broader picture of our need for rest in multiple areas of our lives. Saundra Dalton-Smith is a medical doctor, wife and mother to two boys. She had everything she’d dreamed of and worked hard to achieve, but wasn’t enjoying it. I kept pushing and pushing myself till I got to the point where I literally burned out. I wasn’t happy with my job. I couldn’t see how my marriage would survive. I didn’t want my kids anymore. I was just at the end of myself. I didn’t want the life I created. After reaching this breaking point, she went on a journey of restoration and healing where she learned to connect with God and with his plan for rest. Now she shares her research and methods with her patients and with all of us. If you’ve ever felt tired and at the end of yourself, this episode is for you. We already have permission to rest, but the mommy guilt that sometimes comes tells us we don’t. That is really a lie. I look at it as the John 10:10. ‘The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy.’ And he’s doing it to a lot of us through our inability to rest, our inability to trust God that when we lay things down that he is able to uphold them. What we chat about: When Saundra reached her breaking point from stress and lack of true rest We have physical limits to what we can do as moms How Saundra researched rest and looked at scripture for clarity on how God rested The seven types of rest: physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, social, sensory and creative. The difference between a vacation and resting Paying attention to a place that feels painful in your body in the moment vs ignoring it Finding emotional rest through connection with friends, even through video chat if getting together is impossible The importance of authentic, open friendships with women who can relate to your life situation Ideas on how to stay engaged with your husband and reignite your marriage Putting limits on social media time so that your mind has down time Tips for getting mental rest and release ideas that make your mind race Sensory rest– what it is and ways to get it It is not selfish to prioritize resting. It keeps you from having a toxic reaction to those around you. Links Mentioned: Marco Polo App–way to socially connect Sacred Rest by Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith** Adventures in Odyssey Club–hundreds of episodes Rest Quiz Online **Amazon affiliate link

4 Juni 201857min

In a world where devices, video games and screen-based entertainment dominate our time and space, we can choose to make our family culture different. It isn’t easy and it isn’t always fun, but there are huge benefits for us and our kids when we take time away from devices. This week’s guest Andy Crouch is the author of “The Tech-Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in Its Proper Place”. He shares about our calling to be image bearers of God and how his family has seen a lot of growth by putting limitations on time with technology and building in Sabbath rest from devices. Have moments as a family where you talk about what have been your best moments. What’s been the flourishing moments in our family? It’s very unlikely people will say, ‘Oh that time we made it to level 16 in whatever video game.’ Kids and parents will remember moments that had this kind of real authority and real vulnerability. As we head into summer, I hope this episode encourages you to embrace the power of your kids being bored so they can tap into their God-given creativity, abilities and interests. Just hang in there through the first third of the time! Listen to see what I mean. What we chat about: Image bearing as it relates to authority and vulnerability Video games and screened-based entertainment simulate authority and vulnerability Andy’s family’s Sabbath for screens and devices- one hour each day, one day each week and one week each year How to work toward unity on device- and technology-free time with your spouse Start small and do what’s stretching when it comes to taking time without devices Talk as a family about the best times you’ve experienced together and plan to have more of those moments The first third of the time is really hard, but in the second two-thirds you’ll see creativity and really good things for your family Changing your physical space to make the main thing we do together different Work and rest vs. Toil and leisure Not looking at your phone first thing in the morning till you’ve been outside Having a rhythm of disengagement with technology that reconnects us with real rest and with who we really are in God’s image. Links Mentioned: “The Tech Wise Family: Putting Technology in its Proper Place” by Andy Crouch ** “Strong and Weak” by Andy Crouch** **Amazon affiliate link

28 Maj 201856min