#237: How Anxious & Avoidant People Differ Around Breakups
On Attachment3 Mars

#237: How Anxious & Avoidant People Differ Around Breakups

In this episode, we explore one of the most painful dynamics after a breakup: watching your ex seem “fine” while you feel completely unravelled — and the stories that comparison creates. We unpack why anxious and avoidant attachment patterns tend to process breakups so differently, and why those differences don’t mean what you think they mean.

We look at how anxious attachment often shows up as hyperactivation — intense grief, rumination, urgency, and the need to understand what happened — and how avoidant attachment tends to deactivate under stress, sometimes resulting in relief, distraction, or moving on quickly. We also talk about the timing mismatch that can occur, where one person feels everything immediately and the other processes more slowly (or more superficially).

The core takeaway: different coping strategies are not a measure of love, worth, or who cared more. And comparing your internal experience to their outward presentation will only keep you stuck.

In this episode, we cover:

  • Why comparison after a breakup fuels suffering for anxious attachers
  • How hyperactivation and deactivation shape the breakup experience
  • Why relief doesn’t mean they didn’t care
  • The common “timing mismatch” in anxious–avoidant breakups
  • How to shift your focus back to yourself instead of analysing them

If you’re going through a breakup, you can register for my free breakup training here.

Det här avsnittet är hämtat från ett öppet RSS-flöde och publiceras inte av Podme. Det kan innehålla reklam.

Avsnitt(256)

#256: How to Balance Accepting Your Partner & Supporting Their Growth (Ask Steph)

#256: How to Balance Accepting Your Partner & Supporting Their Growth (Ask Steph)

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelIn today's Ask Steph episode, we're talking about how to balance accepting your partner for who they are, while also encouraging them to grow. This is a delicate dance f...

14 Maj 11min

#255: Fearful Avoidant Attachment: A Deep Dive (Part 1)

#255: Fearful Avoidant Attachment: A Deep Dive (Part 1)

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelIn today's episode, we're diving deep into the fearful avoidant (or disorganised) attachment style. We're talking about where it originates, and what some of the core be...

12 Maj 17min

#254: Healthy Privacy vs. Unhealthy Secrecy in Relationships (Ask Steph)

#254: Healthy Privacy vs. Unhealthy Secrecy in Relationships (Ask Steph)

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelWhat's the difference between reasonable, healthy privacy and unhealthy secret-keeping? That's the question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We're diving into...

7 Maj 12min

#253: Perfectionism in Anxious-Avoidant Relationships

#253: Perfectionism in Anxious-Avoidant Relationships

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelIn today's episode, we're diving deep into perfectionism — and how it can sneak into our relationship dynamics in unhelpful ways. We'll talk about how perfectionism show...

5 Maj 20min

#252: Finding Self-Compassion When Everything is Falling Apart (Ask Steph)

#252: Finding Self-Compassion When Everything is Falling Apart (Ask Steph)

How do you find self-compassion when everything is falling to pieces? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We'll talk about why self-compassion can be so hard to ac...

30 Apr 8min

#251: How I Approach Nervous System Regulation & Wellbeing

#251: How I Approach Nervous System Regulation & Wellbeing

In this episode, I’m sharing how I personally approach nervous system regulation in a way that feels simple, realistic, and actually sustainable, rather than overwhelming myself with endless tools and...

21 Apr 15min

#250: Are They Avoidant or Just Not That Into You? (Ask Steph)

#250: Are They Avoidant or Just Not That Into You? (Ask Steph)

Understanding Your Avoidant Partner: New CourseMany people find themselves trying to decode confusing or inconsistent behaviour, wondering whether it reflects avoidant attachment or a lack of interest...

16 Apr 12min

#249: The First 30 Days After a Breakup

#249: The First 30 Days After a Breakup

In today’s episode, I’m walking you through how to navigate the first 30 days after a breakup in a way that is supportive, grounded, and deeply healing.This initial period can feel overwhelming — full...

14 Apr 18min

Populärt inom Samhälle & Kultur

podme-dokumentar
aftonbladet-krim
p3-dokumentar
gynning-berg
en-mork-historia
creepypodden-med-jack-werner
skaringer-nessvold
aftonbladet-daily
hor-har
killradet
svenska-fall
kod-katastrof
rss-hela-sanningen
flashback-forever
historiska-brott
mardromsgasten
vad-blir-det-for-mord
spar
p1-dokumentar
rss-mer-an-bara-morsa