SS 265: Bi Invisibility & The Closet

SS 265: Bi Invisibility & The Closet

It's no secret that in the pantheon of the LGBT spectrum, bisexual people are looked down upon, told they don't really exist, avoided in dating life. Bisexuals also often feel less pressure to come out, as they can so easily pass as one side or the other. Paradoxically, this leads to bi invisibility and erasure, so we discuss, and make an attempt to deconstruct this in today's episode of Life on the Swingset, along with Dr. Liz Powell, Mike Joseph, Cooper, and Dylan.

Today's episode of Life on the Swingset is sponsored by Better Than the Hand, a website that aims to deconstruct stigma and toxicity surrounding male sexuality and masturbation through articles, blogs, toy reviews, and an online store. We're also sponsored by Castle Megastore, a one stop shop with everything you could want, from wand vibrators, to harnesses, to lube and condoms, to a complete suite of BDSM equipment including sex furniture. If you use the promo code SWINGSET at check out you can save 20% on your order.

National Coming Out Day was a pretty big deal for Cooper this year. He discussed his reasons as coming out, specifically to his conservative family, as someone who has struggled with his sexuality and is still working through it, and why he chose not to identify to them as queer, even though he specifically identifies with queer.

The conversation moves to reasons why not to come out, whether because livelyhood may be jeopardized (as in Dr. Liz's relaying of her experience of being in the army before Don't Ask Don't Tell was fully repealed), or child custody may be revoked, or any other reason to stay in the closet.

Mike posits that many people aren't all open to themselves (as with straight identified men who still seek men), and mentions that even being the out partner in a gay couple has stress that comes with it.

The panel talks specifically about ways that people specifically disappear bisexuality, telling men who identify as bi that they are gay and they haven't admitted it yet (bi now, gay later), or that bisexual people, because so much effort has been exerted to create the separate gay identity that having a bridge between those identities, muddy the waters.

To Dr. Liz, the conflict presents differently as women, that there's a "penis phobia" that can exist so that bi women who have sex with men are tagged as higher risk because there is less transmission risk between women who only have sex with women. Dr. Liz also takes time to lament the fact that before she got her "super stereotypical queer haircut" everyone assumed she was straight, but now that she has it, everyone assumes she's gay!

Mike brings up that at many events he attends, almost every woman identifies as bisexual even though most men identify as straight, even if they later identify as curious or fluid, and that it may be a holdover from the aids crisis in that if you identified as bi or gay you were automatically more likely to get infected. Dr. Liz adds that there's a challenge to masculinity involved, and that men who identify as straight but still fuck men create a safe space to sexually express themselves without the stigma of challenging that masculinity, and that any question as to why that man may marry a woman even if he fucks men doesn't get asked. Dylan brings up that many bi woman in monogamous relationships get the same challenge, and they get questions as to why they "even bother" identifying as bisexual if they're marrying a man, because they'll never get to do anything about their attraction to women. Dr. Liz mentions that bisexuals get misidentified sexually based on the genitals they're interacting with as opposed to their actual preferences.

Dylan asks about the pansexual label, and whether people identifying as pansexual get to skip some of the bisexual stigma or confusion... but gets that thought dismissed as most people outside of the queer community would just not understand what it is. He follows up with a questions about whether bisexual men are seen as, as dangerous as bisexual women are to "the husbands" of straight women in monogamous relationships and... yes. Mike, as a queer man, has had his male friends told by their female partners not to hang out with them or has had his male friends' sexuality questions because of their desire to be friends with him.

Cooper mentions that whenever you present an alternative to traditional heteronormative nonmonogamy to people who actively try not to look into and not think about it, that anyone with predispositions to something other than traditional heteronormative may show interest and that's dangerous.

Dylan compares it to Doctor Who weeping angels and... pretty much stuns everyone into silence, and into a little bit of weeping.

After a break, Dr. Liz discusses ideas to help with bi erasure, whether thinking about the bi celebrities you know (and with say, Anna Paquin being bi but being identified as straight because she's married to a man), and that when you meet someone you really only have one datapoint, and to stay open.

We talk about attraction, and how you don't necessarily need to identify the way your attraction takes you, because it's ok to explore fantasy, explore the juiciness of, and even still decide to act it out without identifying as your attraction.

Fantasy doesn't have to be the same as reality. And your fantasies do not define your sexuality in practice https://t.co/y1WvtgZtx1

— Liz Powell, Psy.D (@sexpospsych) October 26, 2016

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Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Find Cooper on Twitter @CooperSBeckett, Dylan on Twitter @DylanTheThomas, and Ginger on twitter @GingerNTheProf.

You can Cooper's novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%!

Today's podcast featured music by:

Cooper S Beckett Dylan Thomas Dr. Liz Powell

Avsnitt(431)

#405 - Squicks or Turn-Ons?

#405 - Squicks or Turn-Ons?

We've all been faced with a situation where we've come across an action, a thing, a vision, a taste, a touch, a smell, a scene, where we've experienced an unexpected and extreme aversion… a squick, or… perhaps it was a surprise turn-on. Tyler, Lunabelle, Ryan, Ginger, Tonya, Tonia, and Dylan get together to talk about these unexpected reactions and tell some stories… some sexy, strange, surprising stories.   You can find Lunabelle on BlueSky at @Ninjasexology! You can find Ryan on Instagram at RyanAKAProf! You can find Ginger on Instagram at GingerBentham! You can find Tonia on Instagram at ToniaTheThomas! You can find Tonya everywhere (Facebook, Instagram, Discord, Facebook, and more) at YesThatTonya! You can find Dylan on Mastodon and all across the Fediverse at swingset.social at DylanTheThomas!   Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).   Intro Music: Sullivan King & Vastive – Slaughter Outro Music: Sullivan King – The Beginning

27 Nov 20241h 30min

#403: User Manual, or Dungeon Crawl? What's Your Preference?

#403: User Manual, or Dungeon Crawl? What's Your Preference?

Are you the kind of person that prefers to meet someone new knowing a little something about them, or do you treat meeting new people like it's a video game dungeon crawl with no map, no instructions, nothing but a flashlight and a can-do attitude? Duncan, Ryan, Ginger, Tonya, Tonia, and Dylan get together to talk about meeting new people in social settings, first dates, play parties, and everything in between!   You can find Duncan as Duncan42 on Kasidie, Fetlife, and as NewToThis42 on SLS! You can find Ryan on Instagram at RyanAKAProf! You can find Ginger on Instagram at GingerBentham! You can find Tonia on Instagram at ToniaTheThomas! You can find Tonya everywhere (Facebook, Instagram, Discord, Facebook, and more) at YesThatTonya! You can find Dylan on Mastodon and all across the Fediverse at swingset.social at DylanTheThomas!   Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!   Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).   Intro & Outro Music: Dirtyphonics & Circadian – You Want Me Robot Ginger Music: Robotaki – Automaton Business Music: Matroda – Shut It Down

18 Nov 20241h 16min

#402 - More Than Two, Second Edition - With Andrea Zanin and Eve Rickert

#402 - More Than Two, Second Edition - With Andrea Zanin and Eve Rickert

Ginger and Dylan interview Andrea Zanin and Eve Rickert about the release of their new book: More Than Two, Second Edition! They touch on More Than Two, Second Edition's place as both an introduction for people new to open relationships, and as a deeply needed and timely reintroduction to improving relationships for more experienced practitioners of various forms of nonmonogamy.   You can find More Than Two, Second Edition, at morethantwo.ca! You can find Eve Rickert on Bluesky, Instagram, and at brighterthansunflowers.com! You can find Andrea Zanin on Twitter, Bluesky, Facebook, and at sexgeek.workpress.com!     Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!   Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).     Intro & Interstitial Music: Shingo Nakamura, Mango, Nina Carr – Solace

1 Nov 20241h 36min

#401 - Kissing is Taboo Again? - Elevator Speeches & Safety

#401 - Kissing is Taboo Again? - Elevator Speeches & Safety

How did kissing become so complicated... again? Swinger culture still features a choice, to kiss or not to kiss, that other non-monogamous folk don't usually make. These days, the stakes around kissing are higher, and that's complicated things as simple as kissing to say hello . Ginger, Prof, Tonia, Dylan, Lunabelle, Tonya, and Tyler get together to talk about their Elevator Speeches, and whether kissing is taboo again!     Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).

24 Dec 20231h 6min

#400 - ReEmergence

#400 - ReEmergence

Dylan, Ginger, Tonia, and Prof get back together to properly toast Life on the Swingset's 400th episode! The crew invites back Lunabelle, Tyler, and Tonya, and welcomes D into the fold to discuss ReEmergence and discovering intimacy… again. The crew discusses what returning to normal might look like during a time … very much not normal. D, and Lunabelle share what emerging and finding their people and their communities in the midst of the pandemic feels like, while Tyler and Tonya talk about finding their way just before, and during the pandemic. Gin, Prof, Tonia, and Dylan talk about change, allowing for space, and everyone looks forward to charting a future full of friends, community, and pleasure. Also, Prof talks about VR Golf, which was the most important part of the episode.     Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).   Intro Music: F.O.O.L – Duality Business Music: Tokyo Machine – STEREO Outro Music: Aftruu – Falling Asleep

3 Dec 20231h 4min

SS 399: We Go Meta on Swinging and Making the Sausage... and talk Sex Toys - from Friday Night Delights from February 5th, 2021

SS 399: We Go Meta on Swinging and Making the Sausage... and talk Sex Toys - from Friday Night Delights from February 5th, 2021

Ginger, Prof, Tonia, and Dylan get together on a normal Friday in February 2021 to plan a podcast about swinging… and almost fall into the trap of talking about swinging. Swingset gets meta, discussing swinging as a verb, swinger as a noun, new england accents, and …talking about Sportsheets and sex toys and restraints. a lot.   Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!     Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).     Intro and Outro Music: ARMNHMR feat. Heleen – Drowning

1 Sep 20231h 14min

SS 398: Swingset as a Place... with Princess Vi

SS 398: Swingset as a Place... with Princess Vi

Princess Vi and I talk about what it means to build pop-up inclusive, welcoming, and sex friendly communities, and we wander about discussing what goes into that secret sauce… and what it feels like when you get it right, and … when you don't have it. *** EMBED CODE FOR PODCAST FROM LIBSYN GOES HERE YOU INSENSITIVE CLOD *** Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).   SHIP (Sexual Health Includes Pleasure) is running their Pleasure Equity Campaign, an annual initiative to raise funds to reduce barriers to pleasure-guided sexual health resources so that all adults can reclaim pleasure in their daily lives and by using those resources as tools for healing, self-preservation, and resistance. Every donation SHIP receives through this campaign allows them to offer workshops, therapy, and professional development opportunities to the community for free or at a significantly reduced rate. Life on the Swingset believes in SHIP's mission and they're committed to making sexual health programming a community service, but they can't do it without community support. Please join them in this important work by donating to the Pleasure Equity Campaign today Cold Intro Music: CloudNone, Direct & Exist Strategy – Parallels Intro and Outro Music: CloudNone, Direct & Aether – See The Light

13 Apr 202349min

SS 397: ...and at least one amorous bird on this resort. - Swingset Takes Desire 2022, Part 2

SS 397: ...and at least one amorous bird on this resort. - Swingset Takes Desire 2022, Part 2

Continuing on from Part 1 of our live podcast on our trip in Cancun, Ginger initiates a tonal shift, Keeley makes sure everyone knows that more than gang bangs happen, Cooper talks about birds, Prof shares more deep thoughts, Tonia shares joy while serving the people, Ginger makes sure everyone knows that gang bangs happen, and Dylan continues to insult the audience. Multiple audience members share their passionate and heartfelt resort experiences with everyone.     Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!     Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).     Intro Music: zensei ゼンセー – spadina 3am Outro Music: zensei ゼンセー – who we are

27 Nov 202246min

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