The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno7 Apr

S3 | Session 7: What Will Life Look Like if This Relationship Ends?

Think about a time you brought a really important concern to your partner, only to feel completely dismissed. When that happens over and over, you eventually stop bringing things up—not because the problem is solved, but because the pain of being unheard is just too heavy to keep risking.

That is exactly where we find Rachel today. Recently, Rachel's daughter came to her feeling like some recent situations involving their step-parent dynamic just hadn't been fair. Hearing her daughter's frustration sparked something in Rachel. It made her realize that she had been noticing those exact same unfair dynamics, but she had been keeping quiet because the last time she tried to voice her concerns, she felt completely dismissed.

In Emotionally Focused Therapy, we don't stay in the logistics of the fight. The specific details of the story don't actually matter, because conflict is always going to circle back to someone's attachment need going unmet. For Rachel, this private incident triggered a massive, ancient wound: the agonizing pain of feeling dismissed. And for Mike? Watching Rachel slip into that pain didn't just make him uncomfortable; it activated a terrifying catastrophization in his brain. His nervous system convinced him that he was going to fail her, the marriage would end, and he would be thrust back into the profound loneliness he experienced during his years as a single man. Today, you are going to hear what happens when we slow down the nervous system's automatic defenses and finally give these hidden fears a voice.

Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
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S3 | Session 18: Slowing Down the TEMPO to Co-Regulation (Season Finale)

Today is our season three finale . It has been an absolute privilege watching Rachel and Mike untangle their negative cycles, and they open today's session with the ultimate proof that the work is pay...

30 Juni 1h 16min

S3 | Session 17: Fear of the Goodness: Navigating Peace After Relationship Chaos

The feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop is universal. When your nervous system is deeply accustomed to chaos, peace can actually feel scary and alarming because it brings up fears of losing ...

23 Juni 1h 27min

S3 | Session 16: Too Sensitive? Healing the Belief That You Are Defective

Have you ever tried to set a boundary or express that you were uncomfortable only to be told that you're just being too sensitive or a stick in the mud? You know, when you hear that enough times, you ...

16 Juni 51min

S3 | Session 15: Two People Overboard: The Co-Regulation Conundrum

We can do all the heavy lifting in therapy, but sometimes life just throws too much at us at once. Between the holidays, chaotic work schedules, and general exhaustion, Rachel and Mike recently hit a ...

9 Juni 46min

S3 | Session 14: The Burden of the Poker Face: How Hiding Stress Hurts Your Marriage

Mike recently received some great news about a major work project, but instead of celebrating, he admits to Rachel that he is quietly carrying a massive amount of pressure behind his "professional pok...

26 Maj 1h 25min

S3 | Session 13: Always Second Place: Fighting to Be Your Partner's Priority

Today, we see what happens when Mike's loyalty to his family leaves Rachel feeling like she is "last on the list". When Rachel feels unprotected, she tries to handle her pain with logic, presenting ev...

19 Maj 1h 15min

S3 | Session 12: Between a Rock and a Hard Place: The Cost of "Going With the Flow"

Doing real emotional work is physically exhausting. When Mike logs on for this session, the very first thing he shares is that he feels completely "taxed and jumbled". He is asking his brain to operat...

12 Maj 1h 6min

S3 | Session 11: You Can't Problem Solve Your Way Out of Pain

When your partner is hurting, what is your immediate instinct? For most of us, it's to grab a toolbox. We want to solve the problem, clear up the misunderstanding, or offer the perfectly logical expla...

5 Maj 1h 6min