260. Confidence Isn't a Feeling, It's an Identity! Here's How to Build It For You and Your Kids

Welcome back to the podcast! Today we're talking about something that we truly believe impacts every area of your life—your confidence. This conversation came from a recent event Chris spoke at, where the theme was connection, and it led to a powerful realization: before you can truly connect with others, you have to have confidence in yourself.

For a long time, Chris struggled with confidence in a way that might surprise people who see him today. There was a season where he didn't like himself, constantly compared himself to others, lived in regret and fear, and didn't keep commitments—even to himself. And looking back now, it's obvious why confidence was lacking. It wasn't random. It was the result of patterns, behaviors, and internal narratives that were being repeated daily.

One of the biggest shifts came from a simple but uncomfortable decision: taking 100% responsibility for everything in his life. That moment was both humbling and empowering. Because while it meant owning the things that weren't working, it also meant reclaiming the ability to change them. From there, it wasn't about "feeling confident"—it was about becoming someone who could be trusted. Keeping small commitments. Changing the way he spoke to himself. Focusing on serving others instead of being consumed by his own problems. Over time, those behaviors started to build something deeper—an identity.

That's really the key idea we want to share with you: confidence isn't a feeling—it's an identity. It's not something you either have or don't have. It's something you practice. And more than anything, it's something you earn. Every time you make a commitment and keep it, you reinforce the belief that you are someone who can be counted on. And that belief compounds over time in a really powerful way.

The reason this matters so much is because confidence isn't just for you. It directly impacts your ability to show up, serve others, and make a difference. When you believe in yourself, you're more willing to take risks, speak up, and share your gifts. And as parents, one of the most important things we can remember is this: our kids will learn far more from what they see than what we say. If we want them to be confident, the most powerful thing we can do is model it—by how we show up, how we speak to ourselves, and how we choose to live.

LINKS:

All Links Family Brand!

• stan.store/familybrand
• familybrand.com/quiz
• familybrand.com/retreats.

Episode Minute By Minute:

• 00:00 – Intro + exciting things coming soon
• 01:30 – Melissa shares the mastermind event experience
• 03:00 – Confidence before connection: the core idea
• 04:30 – Chris's personal struggle with confidence
• 06:00 – Why confidence is not a feeling
• 07:30 – The exercise: who do you have confidence in?
• 09:00 – Traits of people we trust and believe in
• 10:30 – Chris's lowest point and what was happening internally
• 12:30 – Taking 100% responsibility
• 14:00 – Becoming reliable and keeping commitments
• 15:30 – Controlling the internal narrative
• 17:00 – Serving others vs. focusing on yourself
• 18:30 – Identity vs. behavior: how confidence is built
• 20:00 – The "confidence hack": keep commitments to yourself
• 22:00 – Why confidence is not selfish
• 24:00 – Confidence allows you to serve more people
• 26:00 – Signs you are becoming more confident
• 28:00 – Helping your kids build confidence
• 29:30 – Model confidence, don't just teach it
• 31:00 – Family values and identity shaping
• 32:30 – Final takeaway: be confident and share your gifts