421 Kindness Is My First Language February 2018 Sunday Week 5

Smiling Sundays-#421 February 25th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

Kindness Is My First Language

"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love."
~Lao Tzu

I've had the pleasure of meeting some amazingly authentic and kind people, and I've had the pleasure of meeting some major a-holes…and if I was being loving towards myself both would have the same effect on me. Meaning, I wouldn't let unkind people get to me because I know there's something more behind that wall they have up.

Sure I'd rather deal with kind people, but when we think of kindness we think about sharing it with others or others being kind to us. And we forget, that the greatest kindness is the one we direct towards ourselves.

I've always said that a world where people focused more on themselves would be a better world. And no, I'm not talking about self-centeredness, I'm talking about being kind to yourself and doing things that help you grow as an individual. For when you take time out for ourselves, when you purposefully work to be kinder to yourself, you become calmer, happier, and a more pleasant individual…because the hardest critic we will ever face will be the one in between our ears.

The Dalia Lama said his religion was kindness. What if that were our religion too? What if it were our main mission to love people no matter what…because we decided to love ourselves first. I've spent a good portion of my life spreading kindness and trying to love people to the best of my ability, even the a-holes. But sometimes I saw myself trying to love others so hard because I had so much trouble loving myself. It was my deflection tactic. If I focused more on others, then I wouldn't pay attention to the negativity I used to harbor towards myself. I figured that if I could get enough people to love me, then I might feel better about myself. And it was a painful cycle that made me feel worse because the answers that I thought would make me feel better kept me feeling even more empty inside.

How kind are you to yourself?

Do you ever look in the mirror and say "Wow! You look good today. I hope you go out and do amazing things today!" Have you ever stopped to look at a project you've been working on and say great job and pat yourself on the back celebrating the small wins along the way? Have you ever taken yourself out to a movie, or a walk, or a place that you love just because you knew you needed someone to take you to a nice place you enjoy?

I think we spend so much time trying to make others feel good, to make others feel important and loved…that we forget to love ourselves. We forget to do the things we do for other people for ourselves. As we rationalize, that would be silly to take ourselves out because we believe that if we were worth it, someone would do it for us. Or maybe we've told ourselves the story that we're too busy with everyone and everything else that there's no time for us…and so we always come last in being taken care of, if at all.

Over the past few months I've been feeling this heaviness, this resistance, this resentment inside myself. And I could blame it on other people. I could blame it on those who took me for granted, I could blame it on those who took advantage of me because they only wanted my positivity or kindness in their life. And I could even blame the a-holes of the world who hate everyone. But the reason I've been feeling this heaviness, is because I've been giving from an empty cup. I've been giving in hopes of getting back what I was giving…and that's a recipe for disaster because what we give is unique. So when we expect others to reciprocate our love exactly the same way back, that's a surefire way to be disappointed. People need the room to love in their own way, and we need to respect that.

I want to ask you a question. Are you being kind to yourself first, so you aren't having to look for that love outside of yourself? I know that's easier said than done, but learning from personal experience, people won't be there for you like you need them to be all the time. And one of the greatest ways to find comfort in any situation is to love yourself enough first before you go trying to spread every ounce of your love…to everyone else.

Now don't get me wrong in thinking I'm saying love yourself and to hell with everyone else. I think with love it always comes down to the same answer: are you loving yourself and others in a matter that keeps you balanced?

Sure, there will be days where I'm giving more love and kindness out, and there will be days where I am working to give and receive more love towards myself. We construct ourselves to be more balanced individuals by becoming aware of those days, weeks, and months that we're feeling more resistance or heaviness within…and then asking one simple question, ok maybe two:

• What's going on?
• Am I trying to force things?

When I become aware of the resistance within myself, it brings up a red flag in my mind, which makes me pause and begin a self-analysis. I then begin going through a checklist in my mind by asking what's happening for me to be this way.

When we become aware of those subtle signs in our minds and our bodies, we then begin changing not only a situation but the whole direction of our lives. Some people spend years living in their own personal hurricanes and rainstorms. And I know the world can be a hateful and mean place at times, but there's always something beautiful going on that we can put our attention towards. I believe the best way to change a negative situation is to ask, "how can I love myself more through this?" And I believe you'll find yourself not only feeling better by doing this, but you'll find the people and the situations around you changing too. Whether that be by them leaving your life, or you changing them by changing your energy.

The times that I had the greatest energy, the most hope, and the confidence to tackle anything in my path…was when I was taking time to love myself; when I was taking time to be kind to myself. We cannot transfer what is not within us. So are you sharing kindness with others, by first sharing it with yourself?

Today's Personal Commitment:

How kind are you to yourself?

Do you deliberately take time out to do nice things for yourself?

I think we get so caught living in a world of doing, as we trap ourselves within the daily hustle and bustle of life, that it can be easy to take for granted what self-love can do for us.

Maybe you're good in this area, but in my experience, I've seen a lot of pain and hurt come from not loving ourselves. When people hurt us, it's easy to lash out at others. And I believe taking out our frustrations on others happens more frequently when we weren't comfortable in sharing consistent kindness within ourselves.

Because if someone wrongs you, sure it may sting, but someone who's loving themselves to the best of their ability won't take it as hard…because they're getting the love they need already. They understand people are dealing with their own demons and the hurtful action had nothing to do with them—it was just a reaction of what the other person was dealing with.

So this week, I want you to write down three things you'll do purposefully to love yourself a little more. Maybe it could be something as simple as reading a book you've been putting off because you've been too busy. Maybe it's going to the movies alone, so you aren't worried about someone else liking the movie or not, or whether you chose a movie they would've preferred. Maybe it could be going for a drive in your car when you need a break to blast the radio and sing at the top of your lungs where no one will judge you.

You decide, but I think it can be fun to take yourself out. It's fun to be kind to others, but it's even more fun to share kindness when we have shared kindness with ourselves first.

Oh and when you go on your self-date, shoot me an email to tell me what you did. I would love to share those ideas on another podcast to give people inspirations for their own self-dates. You are pretty dang sexy, you deserve to take yourself out on the town. So shoot me an email at chris@strongwithin.com as I'd love to hear about all the things you learned from doing something specifically…just for you.

Kindness Is My First Language

Thanks for listening. I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: chris@strongwithin.com phone:865-219-3247

Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide