423 I Am Love February 2018 Tuesday Week 5

Tag Me Tuesdays-#423 February 27th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Am Love

"When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred."
~Thomas Jefferson

What you put into the world is what will be returned to you. We know this on a conscious level, but we don't understand it on a subconscious level. It's hard to really understand that the energy we emit is returned back to us in a magical way. That Universe is returning to us who we are in every moment. It's a relationship that feels complex, that what is given is perfectly returned, and that seems so supernatural to us at times.

That's why it's so important to remember that principle, especially when we feel angered or wronged. Well, that's only if we want to be freed from our anger instead of imprisoned by them.

On a physiological level when you are angry your brain will not properly access the frontal lobe. And the frontal lobe's main process is to carry out higher mental processes such as thinking, planning, decision making, and judgment.

And by getting to know that mere fact has brought so much enlightenment in my life. Because when I was upset or angry I felt like something was shut off inside me. I felt negative thoughts racing endlessly in my head. I felt sluggish in my thinking. I didn't feel like myself. And with anger it's like trying to win a race you're not even in.

When we are angry we want to let it out, we want to vent or maybe we want to ruminate over it endlessly wishing for the other person to feel our pains. But wishing for someone else to feel our pains only expands our hurt within. We want to heal by getting it off our chest and releasing that anger. So we want to vent to that person, to anyone who will listen to us, or have an endless loop conversation within our minds.

I was reading an article on health.com titled Things You Shouldn't Do When You're Angry by Linda Melone. She stated that "getting anger off your chest sounds like a good idea, but it may actually make matters worse. In fact, people who simply spent five minutes reading another person's online rants became angrier and less happy in a study published in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking. An earlier study also showed that venting anger by hitting pillows not only increased anger at that moment but made aggressive behavior more likely in the future."

What the venting or the immediate aggressive action towards our anger does for us is make us feel relieved temporarily. But it doesn't heal the process. I was reading a study a few years ago where rats who were being shocked would bite other rats to help them deal with the pain. And that's what we do, we do ineffective methods to relieve our pain temporarily, while creating negative habits that keep us in anger longer.

So if you think about that for a moment, not only does venting make us angrier and more likely to express ourselves that way in the future, but it also affects the people around us in negative ways. I'm not saying we need to bottle our emotions in, but maybe venting has gotten more credit than it deserves. And if you think about a vent in your house, sure it pushes out or lets out air or gasses, but it doesn't force out crappy air…unless it's a bathroom of course. So our negative venting could literally be called crap.

I think there's a fine line between venting to talk something out and then continual venting to stay within an emotion. I've been dealing with a personal issue that I feel sad about, and I've had the urge to vent and to express myself to be heard. Which can be a good thing, but I don't want to put that out into the Universe—not because I don't need to focus elsewhere than the sadness, but because if I vent I know I'll want to vent to someone else…and then someone else.

For me, I've found I vent to stay within the emotion. It's a way for me to justify how I am feeling and not change. It's a way for me to stay in self-pity, and say poor old me, and then put someone or something else out there to blame.

I think it's my way of stepping outside of hope. It's my way of turning my back on faith and focusing on fear. I'll look at the present moment with sadness and focus on doom as if it's the end of the world…instead of remembering that everything will always work itself out in the end. If something is meant to be it will happen.

I internalize a lot of things and tend to ruminate too much on my problems. Which gets me caught in an endless thought loop that brings nothing but more frustration and sadness, not clarity. So sometimes I talk out loud to myself, so I can hear what I'm saying. And if it sounds crazy, I work to bring myself back to better feelings.

We have the tendency to take our problems too far and generalize things in our minds as we might say "no one loves me, everything always goes wrong in my life," or "I am always going to be stuck here." And when I'm having a conversation with myself and I say some of those negative generalizations, I will ask a poignant question… "Chris is that true? Is that REALLY true?" And if I'm willing to heal, I will say "no" and then talk myself back to more healthy thoughts and feelings.

I like to think of this saying during times of extreme frustration, "You won't be punished for your anger, you will be punished BY your anger." So while I have the choice to feel frustrated and uncertain within a moment, I am also reminded that what I put out into the world is not only what I create in the world, but it is what I create within myself.

And if I put more anger out into the world to vent, I am more likely to get into the habit of expressing myself more negatively in the future as well. So while I struggle with pain and frustration at the moment it's only because I have forgotten one of my greatest truths…I am love.

And you…are love; we are love. We have been called by the Source of creation to spread more of what we were created from…love. So if you are feeling anger or frustration at the moment, breathe deeply, count to 10, count to 100, count to a million if need be and remember that you will become what you express. So if you want to bring more crap into your life and into the world then by all means focus on the negative venting you feel justified to do. But if you want to live in peace, harmony, and happiness then find ways to express who you are and always have been… love.

Today's Personal Commitment:

When anger consumes us, we make bad choices. But when we wish the best for people and for ourselves…we become love. When we want great things for everyone despite our pain, anger, or hurt…it frees us.

It's not that you can't get angry, or that anger is bad, or even that you can never vent. Anything can be good or bad…it's how you use it. I think it's really about becoming so aware in the moment; that when you feel your temperature rising, that pressure in the center of your chest getting ready to explode, or your blood boiling…that you take some deep breaths and count to 10 if need be before reacting. Because if we let our anger make the choices for us by flying off the handle or flying into rage and upsetness…then we are not only out of control, but we are also creating the pathway for our brain to continue these patterns. Which will keep us trapped within our negative emotions rather than being freed from them.

So what are some ways you can express more love in your life when you aren't angry?

What are more ways you can focus and express love when you are angry?

And how do you think you can create better patterns to be in control of your negative emotions rather than be controlled by them?

Some examples I've used in my life to pivot from anger to love have been:

• -Going on a walk to have a conversation with myself
• -Counting to ten or a hundred to come back to being more rational and in control of my anger instead of the other way around
• -Going to the gym
• -If it's an argument with a person…I work on doing one thing different to change where my mind is going. Which could be saying let's go over here and talk and we physically move somewhere else to change the atmosphere, or it could be to stop trying to control the conversation and listen more, or maybe even saying something positive like "I respect you and I'm struggling here with anger let's step away for 10 minutes and come back to discuss this when I am more calm and controlled."
• -Reading positive quotes or poems that remind me about control, hope, and peacefulness
• -Saying affirmations.

So find your healing actions, and engrain them in your mind. That way the next time you are feeling pulled to the darker side of anger, you will have an arsenal to work with to help you win the battles you are fighting at the moment. Be love not hate, be love not anger, be love not upsetness, be love not frustration, be love not revenge, and be the warden of love not a prisoner to negativity. You are what you focus on, so where are you focusing on consistently?

I Am Love

Thanks for listening. I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: chris@strongwithin.com phone:865-219-3247

Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide