427 I Take The Time To Understand March 2018 Saturday Week 1

Synergistic Saturdays-#427 March 3rd The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Take The Time To Understand

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves."
~ Henry David Thoreau

I was working with a life coaching student of mine who was going through a rather tough time in their life. They were going through a messy divorce, and it was bringing them to the edge of their sanity. We discussed how to see the games other people play, and how to deal with it more effectively.

Their ex, knew how to push my student's buttons. I think it was his way of dealing with things. Now I never had a conversation with my student's ex, so I am taking the liberty of seeing into his mind… But I think it was his way of balancing things out. It was his way of displacing the chaos he felt within onto other people. And when people do that it's only a temporary relief, as they have to keep on sharing that chaos with others because they never deal with it effectively.

And during our discussion I reminded my student about the importance of being calm and how to see what their ex-husband was doing was not necessarily a slight on them…but an act of someone who has no clue what they're really doing. Now people will say of course the ex knew what he was doing…and I won't disagree with you there. But the games people play, while they do it to help them feel better, they don't really know why they do it, and they don't know that while it's bringing an end result they think they want…for the other person to feel their pain…they really aren't getting what they want. They think their reward is the transfer of their pain onto the other person…but really what they crave, is calm to their chaos. And so the game they're stuck in, is the endless loop of never being able to escape from the feelings they so desperately wish to not be in.

I told my student when you know the game, when you can see their motives, you don't have to participate. You don't have to be part of their chaos…and you won't be part of their chaos unless you choose to be. Unless you react by letting your anger, your fear, or your exhaustion win.

My student was frazzled from all of the games being played, and as we talked about the motives behind the games I could see her calming down. She knew everything I was saying was something she needed to hear or do, as she agreed with me for all of it…but through the conversation she said this response a few times…"I know, I know, I know."

After the 3rd time of hearing her say this, I stopped her right there and said I know you know this already, but you're dismissing this information immediately." And she said, "what do you mean, I agree with you."

I said "I know you do, but you are like me and when I'm saying I know…I am actually saying I hear you, I don't have to change anything because I know what you mean…I have the answer…I get it. When I am saying I know, it's a way for me to take the info in but to brush over it quickly so I don't have to process it."

I know this may sound like semantics but there is knowing and then there is understanding.

I said to my student, "when we understand, we are being patient in wisdom…rather than saying I know and being quick with answers. Because when I said I know, it was really a way for me to scan the info quickly so I could move on rather than change." It was a way for me to act like I was in control saying I know, but knowing and acting upon knowing are two different things.

And while it may seem like those two words are similar…I actually get different mental and physical responses when I say them. When I say I understand, I actually pause for a moment to ask…do I really understand? That word holds more weight to me than just knowing.

And over the course of our coaching session, anytime I heard her say I know, I know, I know…which was a lot…I stopped her and asked her—"you know, or you understand?"

And the interesting thing is she stopped for a moment, thought about what I said, thought about what she was saying…and became more calm and after her pause she would say "I understand." Her whole demeanor changed when she stopped, processed it, and said I understand out loud.

When I work with my students, it's not that I'm trying to impart knowledge on them they don't have. Most of us know what we should be doing, but we need to process that knowledge differently…especially when we aren't getting the feeling or rewards we want by using them. And in this fast-paced world, we want to get to the answer as quickly as possible. But getting to an answer and actually living within the calm of an answer is different.

I've spent years telling myself or others I knew the answer, but then I wasn't acting upon it. I was going about my life without intention and consideration, as I was more concerned with getting to the end instead of doing the more patient work of living within an answer.

So are you brushing over the lessons you need to learn saying you know it already…or are you taking time to really process what happened, and ask yourself if you understand it? When we take the time to understand something fully, we change not only our future actions by being more aware, but we ease the anxiety and frustration we're in by releasing the negative events that were bothering us. So let us NOT just know, let us understand…and find greater peace within the moment.

Today's Personal Commitment:

When you know you should do something and didn't do it, do you beat yourself up saying I should've known better?

When someone tells you something you need to be reminded of do you say I know, I know, I know?

Or do you take a moment to process things, to hear it more fully and say "I understand."?

Sometimes the greatest way to change our predicaments is to change one word, or to ask better questions. So I am going to challenge you this year to change your vocabulary. The next time you want to say I know to yourself or to someone else—take a moment to process it and say "I hear you, and I understand."

Because wouldn't you rather understand something, instead of just simply knowing something? Of course we know things, but understanding means we have a greater depth of knowledge about something..and we actually are doing something about it. Knowledge is NOT power. Power is knowledge WITH application.

So, let us live within the answers, not just brush over them. It's like the old saying, "if you have time to do something over, because you didn't take the time to do it right the first time, then you have time to do it right the first time." So let's do it right the first time, and let's work to have a deeper knowledge of what and who we want to be…and then follow through with that knowledge.

I Take The Time To Understand

Thanks for listening. I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: chris@strongwithin.com phone:865-219-3247

Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
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