68: What Do You Really Want?

If I ask you what you want, you can probably rattle off a list: more time, less stress, a cleaner house, a vacation. But if I push past that and ask what you really want — the kind of life that actually lights you up — most women go quiet.

That pause? It tells me everything.

In this episode, I'm asking the question most of us have never taken the time to answer. We've built careers, raised families, kept everything running — and somewhere along the way, we stopped asking ourselves what we actually want. We were conditioned to believe that service and self-sacrifice were the path to happiness. And here we are, with everything we worked so hard for, still feeling like something's off.

That's not a personal failing. That's a pattern — and it's one we can change.

This episode walks you through why so many women in midlife feel this way, what's actually getting in the way (hint: it's guilt), and how to begin giving yourself permission to want more — without blowing up your life to get it.

What you'll discover today:

• Why the life you built isn't broken — and why it still might not feel the way you expected it to
• How the messages we received growing up silently shaped the choices we made as adults
• The real reason women hold themselves back from asking for what they want (it's not laziness or ingratitude)
• Why guilt is the biggest obstacle standing between you and a more fulfilling life — and how to challenge the thoughts that fuel it
• The evolutionary and cultural forces that created the "double duty" burden so many women are carrying
• Practical, realistic ways to start making room for yourself — without neglecting the people and things that matter most
• Why filling your own cup isn't selfish — it's what makes you better at everything else

Timestamps:

00:02 What Do You Want?

02:00 What We Dreamed About as Kids

03:20 How Outside Influences Shaped Our Choices

05:20 Why the Life We Built Doesn't Always Feel Like We Thought It Would

09:30 Service and Self-Sacrifice as a Path to Happiness

10:30 What We Really Want

12:30 Why Guilt Keeps Women Stuck

14:40 The Evolutionary Roots of the Double Duty Burden

16:50 The Solution: Permission

18:20 Practical Ways to Make Room for Yourself

20:00 Why This Is Necessary — For You and Everyone Around You

Link from today's episode:

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Related Episodes:

• 66: Are You Chronically Numbing
• 65: Shame
• 62: Stealth Expectations — The Hidden Cause of Stress, Resentment, and Conflict