Mr Chaos Incarnate

Three weeks. That's all it took.

Emma spent five years healing after a particularly brutal relationship ended in 2018. Five years of solo travel, self-improvement, building herself back up from the inside out. By the time she met him at a tattoo shop, she was — by her own account — at a psychological peak. More extroverted than she'd ever been. Solo traveling. Thriving. Finally ready.

He was stoic. Grounded. Rough around the edges with what looked like a soft inside. He even knew someone she'd lost. Something about that pulled her in.

He was a covert narcissist. And she had almost exclusively experienced overt ones. Which is exactly why she almost missed it.

Emma's story moves fast — because the relationship did. Within weeks of officially dating, the mask began to slip. The hot and cold behavior that left her shaking. The 3am meltdowns that kept her from sleeping before early morning shifts while he rolled out of bed at noon. The sexual boundary violations he would reframe as her fault the moment she named them. The drinking she didn't understand the extent of until it was too late. The way he screamed at his teenage son in the kitchen over something menial — arms by his sides, not flinching — and how it reminded Emma of herself as a little girl.

And then there was the premonition. Sitting in his bedroom, out of nowhere, a clear and vivid image she couldn't explain. Him. A gun. Someone on the other end of it. She filed it away and didn't tell anyone.

Her mom had the same feeling the same weekend. Neither of them knew.

Emma is thoughtful, self-aware, and unflinching about the moments she wishes she'd moved differently — and honest about why she didn't. She talks about what it feels like when your mind knows you need to leave, but your body has become chemically hooked on someone the way it hooks on a drug. She talks about what it means to date a covert narcissist when every abuser you've ever known was overt. And she introduces us to a man who described himself — out loud, without irony, at 45 years old — as chaos incarnate.

He wasn't wrong.

This is Part I. It does not end where you think it will.

Narcissists, Gaslighters, & Cheaters, Oh My! — real folks, real stories, survival & healing.

Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of narcissistic abuse, coercive control, sexual coercion and boundary violations, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, alcoholism, childhood trauma, chronic illness, dissociation, and references to violence. Listener discretion is advised.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence of any kind, you are not alone. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788 for free, confidential support — 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Behk and LAH are not doctors or therapists. Nothing shared on this podcast should be taken as medical or professional advice.

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Hosts: Behk & LAH

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Production & Design: LAHarden

Music: No Reason Why by Anchor

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