The Hidden Cost of Trying to Get It Right

Have you ever felt that quiet pressure to do it right — eat right, work right, rest right, even “heal” right — and wondered why it feels so heavy?

In this episode, I’m exploring the hidden cost of trying to get it right — especially for ADHD women who are already juggling so much.

This layer of perfectionism isn’t about chasing approval; it’s about trying to prevent chaos, exhaustion, or the overwhelm that comes when things go wrong.

I share stories from my own life — from childhood moments of not being believed to adult experiences that taught me to stay hyper-vigilant — and unpack how this pattern is really a nervous system strategy for safety, not flawlessness.

You’ll learn how to recognize when your “do it right” part is trying to protect you, how to reconnect with your Self (the calm, compassionate center that knows what to do), and how to build the skills and structure that help you feel safe enough to be imperfect.

Because true freedom doesn’t come from doing it all right — it comes from knowing you can handle it when you don’t.

Mentioned in the episode:

Check out my journal-book experience The Self-Loved Woman Way: How to Stop Playing Small with ADHD”. It is a tangible journal-book that comes in a keepsake box with sensory items I selected to help you do this work - the deeper work of healing.

Watch the video showing what it is and learn more here 👉 https://jenbarnes.org/stop-playing-small/

Here is that video on Nervous System Regulation I promised to share, giving you a small taste of some of getting regulated:

ADHD Nervous System Regulation: Get Unstuck

https://youtu.be/Msq4p8ECNOw

—CHAPTERS—

00:00 Introduction: The Pressure to Get It Right

01:49 Personal Insights and Realizations

02:41 Perfectionism as a Defense Mechanism

04:03 Childhood Memories and Their Impact

05:32 Struggles with Being Heard and Understood

07:02 Recent Experiences and Lessons Learned

10:00 Understanding the Drive for Perfection

13:34 Strategies for Managing Perfectionism

19:09 Building Capacity to Handle Imperfection

34:14 Practical Tips for Letting Go of Perfectionism

38:57 Conclusion and Resources

✨ If you found this episode helpful… Please follow, subscribe, and share it with another ADHD woman who needs support!

💛 Connect with me on social media!

Youtube: @Jenbarnes

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenbarneslicsw/

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal health or medical advice. We are not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice or psychotherapy.

If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency please contact emergency services in your area. If you are in the USA, dial 988 for the Suicide and Crisis line or 911 for a medical emergency.