#20 How to Deal with Sleep Stuff | With Rachael Shepard-Ohta from Hey, Sleepy Baby

Episode Summary

In this episode, Eli Harwood sits down with Rachael Shepard-Ohta — founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby and host of the No One Told Us podcast — for an honest, research-grounded, and deeply human conversation about infant and toddler sleep. Together, they dismantle the sleep training culture war, explore what science actually tells us about infant sleep variability, and offer practical, compassionate strategies for exhausted parents. No shame, no judgment — just real talk.

Key Takeaways

• Infant sleep is highly variable and non-linear. Research confirms that sleep does not simply get better week by week — it's a rollercoaster tied to rapid developmental milestones, and this is completely normal.
• You are not doing it wrong. A regression or bad night is not a sign of parenting failure. It is often just a developmental phase to ride out.
• The "sunset scaries" are real — and romanticizing your own nighttime routine (podcasts, face masks, fancy tea) can rewire your nervous system to look forward to the hard hours instead of dreading them.
• Temperament and sensory needs shape sleep more than any particular method. Two kids in the same household, with the same parents and same routines, can be completely different sleepers.
• Cross-cultural perspective matters. In Japan and other collectivist cultures, co-sleeping is the norm — and those children grow into highly independent individuals, suggesting that the Western rush toward forced infant independence may be backwards.
• Dependence comes before independence. Kids need to feel they can count on you first — secure attachment and responsiveness are what grow authentic independence, not withholding comfort.
• There is no one right method. Whether you choose to co-sleep, room-share, use routines, or try a gentler sleep approach — if it feels aligned with your values and your child's temperament, and it's safe, it's valid.
• Attachment is about overall patterns, not individual hard nights. Two tough days during a sleep transition will not override a foundation of responsiveness and connection.

About the Guest

Rachael Shepard-Ohta is the founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby, a certified sleep consultant with a Master's in Education and certifications in infant-parent mental health. She is also the host of the No One Told Us and You're So Right podcasts, a San Francisco mom of three, and has a book coming out February 2027. Rachael helps families find responsive, attachment-based sleep solutions without guilt or forceful sleep training.

• 🌐 Website: heysleepybaby.com
• 📸 Instagram: @heysleepybaby
• 🎥 YouTube: Hey Sleepy Baby
• 💼 LinkedIn: Rachael Shepard-Ohta

Resources Mentioned

• 🔬 Infant Sleep Variability Research — Longitudinal Study of Sleep Behavior in Normal Infants During the First Year of Life (Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 2014) — Research confirming that infant sleep duration shows high inter-individual variability and does not improve in a linear fashion.
• 🧠 Infant & Toddler Sleep Research Narrative Review (2025) — ScienceDirect — Comprehensive overview of 25 years of infant sleep research, covering developmental shifts, parenting practices, and behavioral sleep interventions.
• 🌍 Co-Sleeping in Context: Japan vs. U.S. Study — PubMed / Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine — Classic cross-cultural study showing that co-sleeping in Japan is not associated with increased sleep problems.
• 🇯🇵 Co-Sleeping: Cultural Norms Around the World — Hey Sleepy Baby Blog — Rachael's own deep-dive into how cultures like Japan approach infant sleep very differently from the U.S.
• 🌡️ Temperament + Sleep Workshop — Hey Sleepy Baby — Rachael's live workshop helping parents decode their child's temperament and sensory style to support better sleep.
• 😴 Sensory Ideas for Better Sleep — Hey Sleepy Baby Blog — Free resource on how sensory needs and temperament affect sleep at every age.
• 🎧 No One Told Us Podcast — Apple Podcasts | Spotify — Rachael's own podcast covering the raw, unfiltered truths of parenthood.
• 📚 Hey Sleepy Baby Free Resources & Guides — heysleepybaby.com — Courses, workshops, 1-on-1 consults, and free blog content.

Connect

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/