Anchored, Aligned, and Accountable: Aiko Bethea on Transcending the Bullsh*t and Living Your Real Values

Have you ever named your core values on the spot, without missing a beat, or drawn a total blank? In this episode of Deep Work Out Loud, Julie Harris Oliver welcomes executive coach and author Aiko Bethea to explore the gap between the values we say we hold and the ones we actually live by.

Aiko is the founder of Rare Coaching and Consulting, a senior leadership consultant for the Brene Brown Education and Research Group, and the author of the new book Anchored, Aligned, and Accountable: A Framework for Transcending Bullshit and Transforming Our Lives and Work. Forbes named her one of the top seven anti-racism educators for companies, and The Industry Leaders recently ranked her the number three executive coach in the world.

Aiko shares why she built her framework around naming behaviors instead of just naming values, why she calls the obstacles in the way of that work bullshit on purpose, grounded in the real bullshit asymmetry principle, and how she talks to her own kids about the parenting choices she'd make differently now. Whether you're a leader, a coach, a parent, or someone trying to figure out whose voice is actually running your life, this conversation offers a real framework for telling the difference.

In This Episode:

• Why naming a value means nothing without naming the behavior behind it

• The bullshit asymmetry principle, and why Aiko chose that word on purpose

• Julie's own turning point: a birthday cake, a lunch break, and a career-changing decision

• How to talk to your kids (or your team) about the patterns you're trying to unlearn

• Building safety and trust by admitting what you don't know

• How we collude with systems that don't serve us

• The one question to ask anytime you feel obligated: "says who?"

• Why permission to rest can feel like a radical act

• Aiko's upcoming retreat in Costa Rica

⏰ Chapters 00:00 Introduction
01:00 Meet Aiko Bethea
02:00 What Led Her to Coaching
03:00 Inside Anchored, Aligned, and Accountable
04:00 From Naming Values to Naming Behaviors
07:00 The Privilege of Alignment and the Birthday Cake Story
09:00 The Bullshit Asymmetry Principle
12:00 The Derailers That Keep Us From Our Core Selves
15:00 Talking to Your Kids About Getting It Wrong
19:00 Psychological Safety and Not Having All the Answers
22:00 Systems, Collusion, and "Says Who?"
27:00 Slow Thinking and the Soccer Practice Problem
30:00 Withholding Permission and Rest
33:00 Permission to Rest as a Radical Act
34:00 Where to Find Aiko and Final Reflections

👤 About Aiko Bethea Aiko Bethea is the founder of Rare Coaching and Consulting, a leadership development firm helping leaders navigate today's workplace with more impactful approaches to leadership. She was recognized by Forbes as one of the top seven anti-racism educators for companies and named an influencer to follow by Culture Amp. She contributed to the New York Times bestselling anthology You Are Your Best Thing, and her writing has appeared in Forbes and Harvard Business Review. She is a senior leadership consultant for the Brene Brown Education and Research Group and a faculty member of the Hudson Institute of Coaching. Her book, Anchored, Aligned, and Accountable, is out now. 🌐 Website: https://rarecoaching.net 📷 Instagram: @Rare_Coach 📚 Book: https://bookshop.org/shop/deepworkoutloud 🌴Retreat: https://www.retreatwithrare.com/

👤 About Julie Harris Oliver Julie Harris Oliver is an Executive Coach, Leadership Development Professional, and host of the Deep Work Out Loud podcast. Through thought-provoking conversations with coaches, leaders, and subject matter experts, Julie helps professionals develop greater self-awareness, strengthen leadership skills, navigate career transitions, and create meaningful personal and professional growth.

Each episode explores practical insights you can apply to your work, relationships, leadership, and everyday life. 🌐 Website: https://julieharrisoliver.com

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