#494 How to Do Sex, Dating and Confidence...Without the Liquid Courage

What if alcohol isn't making you more confident... it's just making you care less? What is life like when you cultivate the confidence without altering yourself? In this refreshingly honest (and often hilarious) episode, we're joined by Helen Masters, founder of Sober AF Dating, sober coach, speaker, and self-confessed recovering people-pleaser, to unpack everything we thought we knew about dating, confidence, sex, and sobriety. Helen opens up about the experience that led her into coaching after surviving sexual assault and spending years believing alcohol was the secret ingredient to confidence, connection, and a good night out. It wasn't rock bottom that made her stop drinking—it was realizing she was tired of living somewhere in the middle. Together, we dive into some of dating's biggest myths. Is alcohol the biggest catfish in modern dating? Why do so many of us mistake intoxication for confidence? And what really happens when you remove the liquid courage from flirting, first dates, and the bedroom? We also get candid about the things nobody talks about: the first sober orgasm with a new partner, why sober flirting can actually save you months of wasted time, and how ditching alcohol often strips away the stories, excuses, and BS that get in the way of genuine connection. Helen shares one of her most talked-about beliefs: "Women aren't addicted to wine—they're addicted to permission." We explore what that really means, how sobriety changes the dating experience for women and men in different ways, and the unexpected gifts women discover when they stop drinking. You'll also hear why Helen sometimes coaches clients in pubs, the wide range of people she works with, and how her no-nonsense, straight-talking British humour helps people navigate everything from first-date nerves and body confidence to menopause, modern dating, and yes—even the kinky stuff. If you've ever wondered what dating, intimacy, and confidence look like without alcohol—or you're simply curious whether sober really can be sexy—this episode is packed with laughs, honesty, and plenty of moments that might just change the way you think about connection. About Helen Masters Helen Masters is the founder and CEO of Sober AF Dating, a sober coach, speaker, and recovering people-pleaser who swapped hangovers for honesty. After more than two decades believing alcohol was the key to confidence, dating, and a good night out, she discovered something surprising: the real magic happened when she stopped drinking. Known for her straight-talking British humour and her motto, "I'm not Willy Wonka—I don't sugarcoat sht,"* Helen is on a mission to show that sobriety doesn't make life smaller—it makes it bigger. Through coaching, speaking, and Sober AF Dating, she helps people build confidence, connection, and authentic relationships without needing liquid courage. Contact Helen: helen@soberafdating.com IG: @Soberafdating Personal IG: @Thehelenmasters TikTok: @SoberAFDating Come to our October 2026 Couple's retreats! Learn more and reserve your spot here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.shamelesssex.com/retreat⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about Intimacy Rewired - Amy's 6-week online course for couples: https://intimacyrewired.com Do you love us? Do you REALLY love us? Then order ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠our book⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ now! Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠shamelesssex.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to snag your copy Support Shameless Sex by sending us gifts via our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Amazon Wish List⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow us on IG ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@shamelesssexpodcast ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Other links: Get 10% off boosting your load with code SHAMELESS at ⁠⁠⁠https://loadboost.com⁠⁠ Get 10% off + free shipping with code SHAMELESS on Uberlube AKA our favorite lubricant at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://uberlube.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get 15% off the best sex toys with code SHAMELESSSEX at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://purepleasureshop.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Come to Hedonism meets Glamour Killing Kittens cruise: https://kkcruise.com