Shame and the Problem with Calling Everything an Addiction with Michael Vigorito | Episode 16

In this episode, we sit down with Michael Vigorito, licensed psychotherapist, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, author, and co-director of Sexual Health Alliance’s Advanced Certification in Problem Sexual Behavior. Together, we challenge one of the most widely accepted and misunderstood concepts in modern sexology: sex addiction.

Michael shares why many sexual health professionals have moved away from the sex addiction model and toward more nuanced, evidence-informed approaches to understanding out-of-control sexual behavior. We explore the powerful roles of shame, moral conflict, erotic identity development, and relationship dynamics, while discussing what actually helps people create healthier relationships with their sexuality.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Many people who identify as "sex addicts" are experiencing shame, moral conflict, or distress rather than a true addiction process

• Out-of-control sexual behavior is often influenced by multiple factors, including mental health, values conflicts, relationships, and erotic identity development

• Curiosity, self-understanding, and integration are often more effective than shame-based approaches to creating lasting change

SHOW SUMMARY:

00:00 – Introduction to Addiction Narratives

01:56 – Michael Vigorito’s Origin Story

04:24 – Impact of Conversion Therapy Law Changes

07:34 – Deconstructing the "Sex Addict" Label

09:31 – Defining Out of Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB)

12:00 – Problems with the Sex Addiction Model

15:27 – The Limitations of Abstinence

18:42 – Media Misuse and Externalizing Responsibility

21:16 – The Role of Shame and Moral Incongruence

24:26 – Understanding Erotic Orientation and Identity

28:12 – A Multifactorial Framework for Treatment

31:32 – Clinical Assessment and Motivation for Change

33:52 – Clinical Distinctions: Consent and Criminality

36:18 – Importance of Specialized Clinical Training

38:26 – Lightning Round

39:37 – Advice for the Next Generation

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

The Sexology Lab is powered by Sexual Health Alliance, a global hub for world-class certifications, cutting-edge education, and a thriving community of professionals. Many of the show’s guests also share their expertise at their events.

• Join them at: SexualHealthAlliance.com

More from this episode’s guest at:

• Michael Vigorito: http://michaelvigorito.com/

• Sexual Health Alliance Advanced Certification in Problem Sexual Behavior: https://sexualhealthalliance.com/problem-sexual-behavior

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