Ep#224: Can You Still Cheat in an Open Relationship? with Mindy Glover

Today I'm sitting down with therapist and relationship coach Mindy Glover to talk about infidelity and open relationships.

We explore why infidelity causes such deep pain, the importance of clearly defining boundaries, and how assumptions can lead to misunderstandings.

Mindy introduces me to the concept of "blue brain" versus "red brain" decision-making, and explains why agreements are hard to maintain when we’re emotional or aroused.

We also discuss transparency in open relationships and how to heal after boundary violations.

Mindy shares a personal "infidelity story" exercise that couples can use to understand their triggers and build healthier, more authentic relationships.

Mindy's Fascination with Infidelity (01:37)

Mindy explains her lifelong fascination with infidelity, viewing it as a powerful, often deal-breaking force in relationships.

Why Infidelity is a Deal Breaker (04:09)

Infidelity shatters the illusion of security and the belief that you truly know your partner, causing immense pain.

The Problem with Monogamy's Assumptions (07:06)

Couples often assume they share the same definition of infidelity, which sets them up for misunderstanding and failure.

How People Protect Themselves from Infidelity (08:42)

Mindy discusses different strategies people use to avoid infidelity, including control, delusion, and exploring open relationships.

Blue Brain vs. Red Brain in Relationships (11:06)

Neuroscience explains how we make calm, logical decisions (blue brain) but different, aroused decisions (red brain), causing conflict.

The Inevitability of Mistakes and Reporting Issues (14:08)

Because of our "red brain," mistakes are inevitable, leading to a "reporting problem" in open relationships due to shame.

Honoring Individual Relationship Containers (17:18)

The discussion explores the complexity of honoring privacy and boundaries within each separate relationship in a polyamorous dynamic.

The Beauty and Challenge of Showing Different Parts of Yourself (20:38)

Open relationships allow different parts of one's personality to emerge, which can be both beautiful and challenging for partners.

The Concept of "Poly Bypassing" (24:42)

Mindy introduces "poly bypassing," where individuals suppress real feelings like jealousy to appear enlightened, similar to spiritual bypassing.

How to Start the Conversation About Infidelity (27:00)

Mindy suggests couples write their own "infidelity story" to understand their personal history, fears, and triggers around cheating.

The Illusion of Control Through Rules (30:27)

Couples create rules to feel in control, but the real issue is often the lack of prior agreement, not the act itself.

Navigating Ruptures and Hurt Feelings (36:50)

When hurt occurs, it's crucial to have tools and containers to vent, process, and lean into the conflict.

Containing Your "Parts" (39:06)

Instead of containing parts of yourself, Mindy suggests getting curious about them and understanding why they emerge.

How Mindy Presents in Her Own Dating Life (42:04)

Mindy explains she avoids leading with theories and instead focuses on showing up authentically and playfully in relationships.

How to Connect with Mindy (44:42)

Mindy shares her Instagram handle, website, and information about her therapy practice, coaching, and upcoming workshops.

A Final Thought on Relationships (47:38)

Mindy encourages listeners to shift from wanting to know everything their partner will do to being excited by the unknown.

Follow Mindy:

https://www.instagram.com/mindglowmagic/

Mindy's Upcoming Live Masterclass:

https://www.mindglowmagic.com/

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https://www.instagram.com/theopenbedroompodcast/