The Three-Second Move That Boosts Confidence and Calms Any Conversation

Have you ever wondered why absorbing other people’s emotions seems to drain your energy, and yet rarely solves the problem at hand? In today’s episode of Speaking with Confidence, we’re diving into the real reason “feeling their pain” might actually be holding you back, and I’m sharing a simple, tactical move that works better and keeps you in control. I’m Tim Newman, your host, a recovering college professor turned communication coach. Through years of working with clients, students, and teams, I used to believe that being a great communicator meant soaking up everyone else’s emotions. I’d match their energy, carry their stress, and walk away completely depleted and still facing the same challenges. Sound familiar? It took me a long time and guidance from negotiation expert Chris Voss to realize that this approach was not only exhausting, it was also ineffective. In this episode, we explore the difference between emotional empathy where you feel what others feel and get swept away by it and tactical empathy, which is all about understanding others’ emotions without losing yourself in them. You’ll hear how Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, used tactical empathy to defuse high-stakes situations by naming the emotion in the room with precision, not by absorbing it. We’ll walk through real examples from my own teaching days and coaching work, breaking down how simply labeling someone’s fear or frustration can disarm tension and open up productive conversations. I also point out the crucial final step that most people miss embracing silence after you drop your “label,” instead of rushing to explain or defend yourself. Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode: Why emotional empathy depletes your energy but rarely solves the root problem The neuroscience behind why naming an emotion helps people and yourself think more clearly How tactical empathy is different, and why it puts you in control The exact three-second “labeling” move: “It seems like…”, “It sounds like…”, “It looks like…” A breakdown of what makes a label effective versus what falls flat How to handle uncomfortable silences and why they’re key to making this work A simple homework assignment to practice this life-changing skill in your next challenging conversation By the end of this episode, you’ll be equipped with a powerful new approach for every situation where tension or defensiveness runs high without burning out in the process. Remember, progress, not perfection, is what moves us forward. Try out this tactical empathy tool this week and see how quickly your conversations shift. Your voice truly has the power to change the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices