410: Esther Perel | Mating in Captivity

Relationships are still complicated. "We are creatures of meaning and we want to feel we matter." -Esther Perel The Cheat Sheet: Why have we lost the value of relational intelligence? How to know if you're in a role or are being accountable? How to rekindle relationships. Why the first person to apologize holds the power. How can you break the cycle of hostile dependence? And so much more... If we've been in relationships since the dawn of humankind why are they still so complicated? Here to answer that question is psychologist Esther Perel. Esther is a two-time Ted Talks speaker who wrote the New York Times best-selling book Mating in Captivity. Today on The Art of Charm Esther shares why men need more roles than simply the breadwinner, how we can appreciate the relationships we have and why the quality of our lives really is dependent on the quality of our relationships. Click Here to Support The Show and Check Out HostGator! More About This Show Esther Perel has been likened to a current day Dr. Ruth; her work is groundbreaking and pivotal to today's perspective on relationships. She is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist who has been profiled by The New York Times and The New Yorker. Her book, Mating in Captivity, is an international bestseller that has been published in 24 different languages. Obviously she knows a few things about the world of relationships! And on today's show she discusses why relationships are still complicated after thousands of years, why men deserve more freedom in their accepted roles in life and how we can rekindle any neglected relationship. Although we've been in relationship as long as we've been in existence, we're still experiencing significant challenges and problems in our relationships. Why? Why haven't we figured it out yet? Esther says it's because we have so many more choices today, something we've never had that before. Couple that with our adopted attitude of novelty, replacement and you'll understand why fewer people stay together through the difficult times. What if you are one of those couples who is navigating a difficult time and you want to rekindle the spark you once had together? The first step is to acknowledge your role in the situation. Ask yourself if you're treating your partner the way you treat your clients? Are you as good to your significant other as you are to other people in your life? If the answer is no then say so to your partner. And once you've acknowledged your lack of appreciation, start appreciating that person more. Don't save the gratitude for anniversaries, birthdays and Valentine's Day. Do something for them, give them the day off from being a mom or a caretaker. Take care of them for a change, and show your appreciation for all they do. If you're away on a business trip write a letter thanking your significant other for the things they do to make your life better, from taking care of the house while you're gone to caring for your kids, etc. You'll feel elevated by elevating and showing your gratitude for them. Esther also spells out how we can diffuse any argument no matter the subject and what hostile dependence is and how to let go of it in any relationship. Have a listen on episode 410 of The Art of Charm. THANKS ESTHER PEREL! If you enjoyed this session with Esther, let her know by clicking on the link below and sending her a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Esther on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Esther Perel's websiteEsther's special AOC bonusMating in Captivity by Esther Perel Esther Perel on TwitterEsther's Ted Talks The Art of Charm bootcamps Also sponsored by: Support The Show at our sponsor Stamps.com, enter the promo code Charm! You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox-Best of The Art of Charm Podcast On your phone? Click here to write us a well-deserved iTunes review and help us outrank the riffraff! Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices