Ep 92 Abusers Don't Lose Control- They Deploy It: with Lindsay Stoker creator of The Control Code

I sit down with Lindsay Stoker creator of The Control Code to unpack the most misunderstood aspects of coercive control and psychological abuse.

One of the most powerful shifts in understanding abuse is learning to stop asking, “Was this incident abusive?” and instead asking, “What was this behavior designed to accomplish?” We discuss why the function of abusive behavior matters far more than the form it takes.

In this conversation, we cover:

• Why abusers don’t lose control—they deploy it.
• Why coercive control is built through a million tiny threads that eventually become a rope.
• How abusers intentionally use "low-cost" methods of control that leave no bruises but dramatically reshape your behavior.
• How abusers get you to control yourself.
• Why the phrase “He never hit me” can keep survivors from recognizing an abusive relationship.
• How looking at abuse one incident at a time prevents you from seeing the system of control operating underneath it.
• Why abuse is like a pig wearing different colors of lipstick—the tactics change, but the function remains the same.

If you’ve ever questioned your own experience because there wasn’t one “big enough” event, this episode is for you.

Guest Links and Resources:

Lindsay's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_control_code/

Lindsay's TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@the_control_code

Lindsay's SubStack: https://substack.com/@thecontrolcode

Lindsay's Coercive Control Guides: https://linktr.ee/TheControlCode?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGnCAZZI0BG0_X3rb4H7PS00yhJ3cAaZlTXiZ4Fi2zTweMMAbCGRy79jdMi_aQ_aem_lzeUgb-UjxBaVXAmpyJlaA

Topics: coercive control, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, domestic violence, narcissistic abuse, abusive relationships, manipulation, trauma, survivor education, relationship red flags, coercive control patterns, Lindsay Stoker, The Control Code.

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