Breaking Free from Expectations with Spencer West

What happens when you stop trying to become the person the world expects and finally begin choosing who you want to be? In Episode 152 of Pushing Forward with Alycia, host Alycia Anderson welcomes global speaker, bestselling author, disability advocate, activist, and content creator Spencer West for a powerful conversation about disability identity, autonomy, interdependence, and breaking free from expectations. Spencer is the author of Breaking Free: Stop Following Expectations and Start Following Yourself, a new book that invites readers to question the expectations shaping their lives and begin choosing a more authentic path. Born with a genetic condition that prevented the muscles in his legs from functioning, Spencer underwent surgeries that resulted in the amputation of both legs just below his pelvis. Growing up, he was repeatedly told that he was “just like everyone else” and that every child wanted to walk. But prosthetic legs were not the best mobility choice for Spencer. By sixth grade, his parents and therapist gave him the opportunity to decide for himself how he wanted to navigate the world. Choosing to stop using prosthetic legs became one of his earliest lessons in bodily autonomy. “The moment I realized I could choose how I wanted to navigate the world, everything started to change.” That decision did not eliminate the pressure to fit in. Spencer shares how he continued confronting internalized ableism, social expectations, and the confusing message that disability should be ignored rather than embraced as part of his identity. The Life Changing Power of Autonomy Spencer and Alycia discuss why disabled children deserve the opportunity to participate in decisions about their own bodies, mobility, healthcare, and lives. Spencer credits his parents with giving him choices instead of assuming they always knew what was best for him. Looking back, he recognizes that this early experience helped him understand that he could make other meaningful choices too. For parents, educators, medical professionals, and leaders, his story offers an important reminder: supporting disabled people does not mean controlling every decision. It means creating space for autonomy, self discovery, and informed choice. Climbing Kilimanjaro and Redefining Help Spencer also shares the story behind climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. He was not motivated by a desire to prove that “anything is possible.” In fact, Spencer openly admits that he does not like camping and had never dreamed of becoming a mountain climber. The climb became part of a larger campaign called Redefine Possible, which raised more than its original $500,000 goal for clean water initiatives in East Africa. Spencer trained for a year alongside two of his closest friends. Although the original plan was to use both his wheelchair and his hands to climb, the terrain required him to navigate much more of the mountain on his hands than expected. Throughout the expedition, Spencer relied on his friends for physical support. But on summit day, both friends became sick from the altitude. Suddenly, the person who assumed he would need the most assistance became the person helping them continue. Spencer could not physically carry his friends, but he could stay beside them, encourage them, and keep moving forward with them. That experience transformed how he viewed strength. “We all need help. We all need to ask for help, and we all need to offer help.” Rather than celebrating the myth of the self made person, Spencer encourages people to embrace interdependence, the understanding that every person depends on support, relationships, community, and collaboration. Moving Beyond Inspiration Porn Spencer and Alycia examine the harmful narratives that often surround disabled people who accomplish highly visible goals. Spencer never wanted his Kilimanjaro climb reduced to a message suggesting that if a disabled person can climb a mountain, everyone should be able to overcome every barrier. That framing ignores systemic ableism, access needs, privilege, support, and the reality that every disabled person has a different body and experience. Spencer shares how disability justice advocate Naomi Ortiz challenged him to reconsider the way he talked about the climb. The true story was not that he overcame disability alone. It was that he reached the summit through community and interdependence. That conversation led Spencer to study disability history, disability justice, and the advocates who have shaped the movement. Today, much of his content reflects what he continues to learn and unlearn in real time. What Does It Mean to Break Free? Spencer’s new book, Breaking Free: Stop Following Expectations and Start Following Yourself, examines the expectations people absorb from the moment they enter the world. For Spencer, those expectations included: Do not think of yourself as disabled Overcome your disability Use prosthetic legs Follow a traditional career path Marry a woman Measure success through productivity Live according to society’s definition of a successful life As a disabled gay man growing up in a conservative Wyoming community, Spencer gradually realized that many of those expectations did not reflect who he was or what he wanted. Breaking free became the process of identifying which expectations belonged to him and which ones had been placed upon him by others. “My value and success are not tied up in what my body can produce.” Spencer explains that breaking free does not always require climbing a mountain or completely changing your career. It can begin with one small decision, such as leaving an unhealthy relationship, exploring a new passion, moving to another city, or making room for something that brings joy. Disability as Identity During a volunteer trip to Kenya, Spencer spoke with students about his disability. A young girl told him she had not realized that the loss of limbs could happen to a white person too. Her observation sparked a major realization. Until that moment, Spencer had viewed disability primarily as something that happened to him. He had not yet embraced it as part of his identity. That experience helped him begin connecting disability with the other layers of who he is, including being queer, a speaker, a creator, and an advocate. Spencer and Alycia reflect on how long it can take to fully embrace disability identity after growing up in environments that treated disability as something negative, shameful, or separate from the self. A Book Designed to Become a Tool Breaking Free is more than a memoir. Spencer designed the book as a practical guide for readers who are questioning the expectations shaping their lives. Each chapter includes exercises, reflection questions, key concepts, and opportunities for readers to begin their own process of change. The book also gives Spencer an opportunity to share parts of his life that he had not discussed publicly before, including the pressure he experienced to hide his queer identity while working within an organization concerned about conservative donors and religious partners. After years of advocacy from Spencer, queer colleagues, and allies, he eventually shared his coming out story publicly on June 26, 2015, the day marriage equality became law across the United States. For Spencer, that moment represented years of persistence, truth telling, and breaking free. Spencer West’s North Star Today, Spencer continues speaking, creating digital content, and helping organizations understand the value of hiring disabled talent. His work challenges myths about disabled employees and highlights the unnecessary ableism many disabled people face while trying to find meaningful employment. His current North Star is clear: get Breaking Free into the hands of people who need permission to question expectations, embrace their identities, and begin choosing themselves. In This Episode Why bodily autonomy matters for disabled children and adults Spencer’s decision to stop using prosthetic legs Unlearning internalized ableism The deeper story behind climbing Mount Kilimanjaro Why no one is truly self made Interdependence and the courage to ask for help How inspiration porn harms disabled people Learning from disability justice advocates Disability and queer identity Breaking free from society’s expectations Separating personal value from productivity Why Spencer wrote Breaking Free Disability inclusion and employment Memorable Quotes from Spencer West “The moment I realized I could choose how I wanted to navigate the world, everything started to change.” “The story was not that I reached the top alone. The story was interdependence.” The Pushing Forward Moment “Maybe our job is not to become anything. Maybe our job is to unbecome all the things that do not belong to us so we can become the person we were meant to be.” Spencer explains that this idea, inspired by a passage associated with Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist, became the guiding thesis behind Breaking Free. Connect with Spencer West Visit Spencer2TheWest.com to learn more about Spencer, book him to speak, and find his new book. Follow Spencer on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube at @spencer2thewest. Book: Breaking Free: Stop Following Expectations and Start Following Yourself Available wherever books are sold. Connect with Alycia Anderson Visit AlyciaAnderson.com to learn more about Alycia’s keynotes, disability inclusion programs, accessibility resources, and consulting services. Explore more episodes of Pushing Forward with Alycia. Pushing Forward is how we roll. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices