ADHD, Autism, & Eating Disorders: When Feeling “Too Much” Makes You Want to Be Smaller With Stacie Fanelli, LCSW

What happens when years of hearing that you talk too much turn into the belief that you are simply too much?

In this episode, Dr. Marianne welcomes back eating disorder therapist Stacie Fanelli for a conversation about hyperverbalism, ADHD, autism, and eating disorders. They discuss why some neurodivergent people process thoughts and emotions through talking, why hyperverbal communication is often misunderstood, and how repeated messages about being “too loud,” “too emotional,” or “too much” can create lasting shame.

Stacie explains how this shame can extend beyond communication and relationships into body image and eating disorder behaviors. For some autistic and ADHD people, the desire to become smaller, quieter, less visible, or less burdensome can become intertwined with food restriction, weight loss, and eating disorder symptoms.

They also discuss neurodivergent masking and unmasking, rejection sensitivity, fear of being misunderstood, anti-fat bias, and the vulnerability that can follow sharing a lot with another person. Hyperverbalism does not cause eating disorders or body shame. Instead, this conversation looks at how eating disorders can capitalize on an existing belief that your natural way of existing is excessive.

WHAT YOU’LL LEARN

Stacie and Dr. Marianne discuss how hyperverbalism can show up in autistic and ADHD adults, why talking can serve as a form of processing and regulation, and why traditional expectations about communication can leave neurodivergent people feeling ashamed of how they naturally connect with others.

You’ll also hear how “I talk too much” can gradually become “I take up too much space,” why eating disorders may offer the illusion of becoming less visible or burdensome, and how neurodivergent-affirming eating disorder therapy can address these experiences without encouraging more masking.

They also examine why eating disorder recovery is not about teaching neurodivergent people to communicate more like neurotypical people. Healing can include learning how to navigate relationships, advocate for your needs, and take up physical and conversational space without believing you must become a smaller version of yourself to deserve connection.

WHO THIS EPISODE IS FOR

This conversation may especially resonate with autistic, ADHD, and other neurodivergent adults who struggle with eating disorders, body shame, masking, rejection sensitivity, or the persistent feeling of being “too much.” It may also be helpful for eating disorder therapists, dietitians, clinicians, partners, and loved ones who want to better understand neurodivergent communication and eating disorder recovery.

CONNECT WITH STACIE FANELLI

Stacie Fanelli is an eating disorder therapist whose work focuses on the intersection of eating disorders, ADHD, autism, and neurodivergence. You can read her blog, including “The Loneliness of Being Hyper Verbal,” and learn more about her work at autonomousmindstherapy.com.

Follow Stacie on Instagram: @EDADHD_therapist

RELATED EPISODES WITH STACIE

“Stuck” Isn’t Lazy: Inertia in ADHD, Autism, & Eating Disorder Recovery on Apple and Spotify.

Recovering Again: Navigating Eating Disorders After a Late Neurodivergent Diagnosis (Part 1) on Apple and Spotify.

Recovering Again: Navigating Eating Disorders After a Late Neurodivergent Diagnosis (Part 2) on Apple and Spotify.

Minding the Gap: The Intersection Between AuDHD & Eating Disorders on Apple and Spotify.

WORK WITH DR. MARIANNE

Looking for neurodivergent-affirming eating disorder support? Dr. Marianne Miller is an eating disorder therapist specializing in ARFID, binge eating, anorexia, bulimia, and neurodivergence, including autism and ADHD.

Learn more about eating disorder therapy, coaching, and Dr. Marianne’s self-paced ARFID & Selective Eating course at drmariannemiller.com.