E276: How Do You Turn Your Partner On? (When You've Been Together For Years)

At the start of a relationship, turning your partner on felt like it took basically no effort. So what do you do a decade in, when you've watched each other fart and floss, and nothing seems to happen on its own anymore? In this episode, you'll hear: Why nothing sexy happens spontaneously after about six months, and what has to replace it The thing you have to clear out of the way before you can build desire at all Which of the four desire types you and your partner each are, and why it changes how you initiate How to flirt with someone you've been with for years without feeling ridiculous The compliment swap that makes it actually land, and what to say instead of "you're hot" Why initiating in the moment is already too late, and when to start instead What our community said gets them in the mood, from grey sweatpants to a longer than usual kiss in the kitchen Mentioned in this episode: Discover your initiation style here: https://vmtherapy.com/style Listen to Episode 251: What's Your Desire Type?: https://vmtherapy.com/episode251 Want to make sure the sex is worth craving? It's time to give and receive "I didn't know it could be that good" pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason. Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs. Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more. Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Think you've tried every position? Think again. Ultimate Sex Positions is our fully illustrated guide to 47 positions, with step-by-step guidance, tips for how to move, and smart adjustments for real bodies. 47 fully illustrated positions with step-by-step guidance for getting into, out of, and moving in each one. 17 pillow positions, because changing your angle by a few inches changes everything. Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex Stay Connected Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices