What Are You Really Trying to Say? How to Communicate What You Need

Have you ever been halfway through an argument and realized the thing you’re arguing about isn’t actually the thing you’re arguing about?

Sometimes “Why don’t you ever help me?” really means, “I’m overwhelmed, and I don’t want to carry this alone.” Sometimes defensiveness is protecting something much more vulnerable underneath. And sometimes “I’m fine” means…well, pretty much the opposite.

In this episode, Tara and Karen explore what happens when we stop at the story we’re telling ourselves instead of getting curious about what’s underneath it. Tara shares a four-step practice for moving from what happened to what you’re actually feeling and needing, while Karen explores why that shift from the external to the internal can open the door to deeper self-awareness.

They also talk about the vulnerability of asking for help, expecting the people we love to read our minds, recognizing what our bodies are telling us before our words catch up, and what happened when Tara practiced asking Karen directly for what she needed that very morning.

Because saying the truer thing doesn’t guarantee you’ll get exactly what you want. But spoiler alert: you may actually get what you need.

In this episode, we explore:

Why the thing you're arguing about may not actually be the thing
How your body can signal when your words don't match what you're really feeling
A four-step practice for getting underneath your reactions
Why moving from the story to the feeling can be the hardest—and most revealing—step
What can happen when you stop expecting mind readers and actually ask for what you need

This episode is for you if you’ve ever said “I’m fine” when you weren’t, expected someone to know what you needed without saying it, or realized your reaction was covering something much more vulnerable underneath.

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Music:
Opening/Interlude/Outro: Love Is Waiting
Featured Song: "Honest" - Kyndal Inskeep

Playlists:
Spotify - Volume 2
YouTube Music - Volume 2

Chapters

(00:00:03) - The OVODA Podcast
(00:00:53) - The Unhinged Odyssey: How to Talk to My Love
(00:05:03) - The Power of Saying I'm Fine
(00:09:35) - How to Love Yourself: The 4 Questions
(00:13:41) - Reflecting on Creativity
(00:14:39) - Why Is It So Easy to Point Out Where Someone Else Did Something
(00:19:45) - Honorary Song: Honest by Kendall Inskeep
(00:23:16) - What Do You Need to Say to Someone?
(00:26:04) - Yo Podcast

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