Falling in Love: Do the 36 Questions Actually Work?

Can a list of questions really make two strangers fall in love? In 2015, a viral New York Times Modern Love column claimed psychologists had discovered a formula for love: 36 increasingly personal questions, plus four minutes of eye contact. Millions of people tried it. There was even an app. But when we followed the citation trail back to the science, the story started to unravel. In this episode, we crack open the 1997 study behind the “36 Questions,” unearth a forgotten pilot study with a different (and sexier) protocol, and track down the real origin of the eye-gazing task. Along the way, we break down why control groups matter, why scale midpoints mislead, and why group averages aren’t people. We also try the questions on each other—purely for science, of course—and ask the nerdiest Valentine’s Day question of all: can a list of questions really make anyone fall in love?

Statistical topics

• Control groups
• Correlated observations
• Group averages vs individual inference
• Pilot studies
• Reference distributions
• Scale interpretation
• Units of observation

Methodological morals

• “Before you repeat a scientific claim, follow it back to the original study and read it carefully.”
• “You can slice the data into subgroups all you want, but that doesn't magically give you a control group. It gives you meaningless results.”

Our version of the “40 Questions” app!

References

• Aron, A., Aron, E.N., Melinat, E. and Vallone, R., 1991. Experimentally induced closeness, ego identity, and the opportunity to say no. In Conference of the International Network on Personal Relationships, Normal, IL.
• Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E.N., Vallone, R.D. and Bator, R.J., 1997. The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and social psychology bulletin, 23(4), pp.363-377.
• Catron, Mandy L. To fall in love with anyone, do this. New York Times. January 11, 2015. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/style/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html
• Catron, M.L., 2017. How to fall in love with anyone: a memoir in essays. Simon and Schuster.
• Jones, Daniel. The 36 Questions That Lead to Love. New York Times. January 9, 2015. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html
• Kashdan, T.B. and Wenzel, A., 2005. A transactional approach to social anxiety and the genesis of interpersonal closeness: Self, partner, and social context. Behavior Therapy, 36(4), pp.335-346.
• Lee, Anna G. Long After ‘36 Questions,’ Finally Asking a Bigger One. New York Times. May 16, 2025. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html
• Sprecher, S., 2021. Closeness and other affiliative outcomes generated from the Fast Friends procedure: A comparison with a small-talk task and unstructured self-disclosure and the moderating role of mode of communication. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(5), pp.1452-1471.
• Vacharkulksemsuk T, Fredrickson BL. Strangers in sync: Achieving embodied rapport through shared movements. J Exp Soc Psychol. 2012;48(1):399-402. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2011.07.015
• Mandy Len Catron’s TEDx talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8Yo-PXN7UA
• Ivan Vendrov’s Twitter/X post about his exchange with Arthur Aron: https://x.com/IvanVendrov/status/1611809736823013377/photo/1
• https://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/love-and-the-brain-part-1-the-36-questions-revisited/
• Our version of the “40 Questions” app: https://www.normalcurves.com/questions-to-fall-in-love/

Kristin and Regina’s online courses:

Demystifying Data: A Modern Approach to Statistical Understanding

Clinical Trials: Design, Strategy, and Analysis

Medical Statistics Certificate Program

Writing in the Sciences

Epidemiology and Clinical Research Graduate Certificate Program

Programs that we teach in:

Epidemiology and Clinical Research Graduate Certificate Program

Find us on:

Kristin - LinkedIn & Twitter/X

Regina - LinkedIn & ReginaNuzzo.com

• (00:00) - Intro
• (04:42) - Viral NYT Modern Love essay’s cultural influence
• (09:32) - Science behind the 36 questions
• (15:07) - The 1997 paper myth busting
• (18:52) - Sleuthing the pilot study
• (29:44) - What did the 1997 paper actually show
• (41:24) - Discussion section
• (49:58) - Did it replicate
• (56:47) - Wrap up