Chasing Good Sleep Is What Keeps It Away

For 5 brutal years I told myself the same thing. Once I sleep normally again, everything else in my life is going to be fine.

So I put everything on one number. The hours I got last night. Everything else in my life was on hold until that number went up.

And that’s the trap, because what you chase, evades you.

A quick question

Say you slept 3 hours last night and you feel like crap this morning. And then today you win the lottery. Three billion dollars.

(Or your child is born).

How would you feel?

Probably pretty amazing, right? On the same 3 hours of sleep. Your whole state changed in one second, and nothing about last night changed.

I use this with my clients because it shows something important. The hours you got don’t decide your day on their own. What’s going on in your life and where your attention goes matter just as much.

Why chasing good sleep keeps the alarm on

Here’s the other half of it. Even when you get the thing you were waiting for, you get used to it pretty fast, and it stops feeling special.

We do this with everything, not just sleep. The new job. The new house. You want it for years, you get it, and a few months later its just normal.

Sleep works the same way. I see it with my clients all the time. They get a few good nights in a row and they feel amazing. Then the fear comes back. What if I lose this?

And that fear alone is enough to wake the old alarm back up. A few bad nights follow, and it feels like the progress is gone.

It’s not gone. But it does tell you something. As long as good sleep is the one thing your whole life depends on, your brain still sees the night as something to protect. And as long as there’s something to protect, the alarm stays switched on.

That alarm has to come down first. Sleep returns after that, not before.

Aim at the day insteadS

o stop aiming at tonight, and aim at today.

Do things that matter to you, even tired. Small ones count too. Time with your family. The gym. Your work. A walk outside.

Those things are your values, and you can act on them on any day. Good night or bad night. You don’t have to feel like a million bucks to do them.

The goal here is to care less about sleep. And when you care less, your body stops seeing the night as a threat, and sleep starts to happen on its own.

One thing to keep in mind here.

You’re not doing them to sleep better tonight. The second you turn it into a trick for sleep, it becomes another Sleep Effort, and your brain feels the pressure again.

You do them because that’s the life you want back. The better sleep is what shows up later, once the alarm is off.

What I’d tell you to do this week

Write down 2 or 3 things that matter to you. Not the things you think should matter. The ones that actually do.

Then do them this week, no matter how you sleep.

Some of those days will be rough. Rough days pass.

At the end of the week, look at what you did instead of the hours you got. Confidence comes from evidence, and the evidence you need is a week of days where you showed up anyway.

That’s the switch that starts to turn the alarm off. And once it’s off, the sleep comes back on its own.

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To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause: hyper-arousal.