Hurt Vs Harm in BDSM and Kink-S01E47

Recorded: May 27, 2018 / Published: July 16, 2018
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Rules to Love by:
Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
“Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
BDSM definitions for hurt and harm (as defined by Master Kuldrin)
Hurt: The intentional physical and/or psychological trials that are either self-inflicted or afflicted upon a typically masochistic person consensually participating in a BDSM scene for the purpose of physical, psychological, and/or sexual pleasure.
Harm: The intentional or unintentional physical and/or psychological trials that are either self-inflicted or afflicted upon a typically masochistic person consensually or nonconsensually participating in a BDSM scene that often has immediate and lasting psychological, and/or physical, and/or sexual negative effects.
A brief history of hurt and harm:
Flogging and self-flagellation go back thousands of years and was part of most, if not all civilization throughout history. There are cave paintings of people self-flagellating.
In the late 17th century, George Jeffreys of Welsh provenance, better known as “The Hanging Judge”, obviously earned his reputation but it extended beyond the gallows. Having sentenced a young woman to lashing at the rear of a cart, he advised the executor of the punishment, “Hangman, I charge you to pay particular attention to this lady! Scourge her soundly, man. Scourge her till her blood runs down! It is Christmas, a cold time for madam to strip in! See that you warm her shoulders thoroughly.”
It’s talked about in every monotheistic religion and most non monotheistic religions for both the purpose of punishment and enlightenment.
The U.S. Army abolished flogging on August 5th, 1861. However, direct corporal punishments were still used “off the books” into the mid 1900’s and nondirect corporal punishments such as running, pushups, and a plethora of other physical activities commonly referred to as exercise will forever be used in militaries around the world as an effective method for punishing, training, and psychologically strengthening soldiers.
Cathartic Flogging is a term coined by Master Skip Chasey wherein he defined it as "Merging the erotic with the ecstatic." It has been defined by Master Taino, the founder of MTTA and Executive Producer of Master/slave Conference as "A spiritual healing, that is erotic and sometimes a teleporting experience, created by the exchange of energy between the participants." He has also referred to it by saying it is "The exorcism of your demons."
Why is hurt good for us?
Hurt helps us to learn about ourselves
Think of the unnamed character play by Edward Norton in the movie “Fight Club”. He had never been in a fight and had no clue of his inner strengths but it was through the fighting that he learned just how strong of a person he was. It often does the same for us...only without the imaginary friend represented by Brad Pitt’s character, Tyler Durden.
Hurt helps us to experience life
It has been said that life isn’t about the destination but about the journey. For some, experiencing hurt is a foreign concept or a fantasy that is exciting and intriguing. For others, it is a scary thing...and that in itself can be erotic when you think about the primal instinct. Most people are very aware of the fight or flight instinct but what teachers forgot to teach us that there is more to it than just those two things. It actually fight, flight, freeze, feed, or fuck.
Another scene from “Fight Club” I love is when they are riding in the car and Edward Norton’s imaginary friend, Tyler talks him into taking his hands off the steering wheel. After they crash and flip the car, Brad Pitt excitedly points out to Edward Norton’s unnamed character that he just had a near life experience.
Stimulation
Psychological stimulation:
Catharsis: Catharsis is a state of peace, where everything else falls away and we are simply able to process and heal. Sometimes physical hurt can help you reach this and let go of mental and emotional pain or stress. Catharsis is incredibly healing.
Growth: Reaching a new peak of what you can endure as a submissive is a great learning experience. From the dominant standpoint it can also offer lessons on control, and care. Overall the hurt we share allows relationships to grow and run deeper.
Sexual stimulation:
Masochist: As a masochist pain from hurt is a wonderful type of stimulation. Just as with experiencing pleasure endorphins are released due to these sensations.
Change
From the very first time we play hurt experienced from BDSM play can bring on both short and long-term changes. As we experience, push ourselves, and grow...the major changes become fewer and farther between but the changes that have occurred become hardcoded in us as time passes. These changes are often very personal and usually, aren’t even recognized until weeks or years later...if we ever recognize them but they can be simple things like the way we present ourselves to our entire belief system about ourselves, others, or how the world works. In other words, our entire worldview and characters can benefit from BDSM hurt.
Why is harm bad for us?
Harm is abuse. Even though sometimes it is accidental, it is still abuse. We talked about this in great detail in the two-part series on Consent and Boundaries...which can be found at https://kuldrinskrypt.com/135 But a brief rundown of this is pretty simple and self-explanatory. Basically, physical, psychological, and sexual harm are the things that we typically have control over whether or not they occur. If you break someone’s hard limits, which includes doing something they haven’t consented to, then you have automatically harmed them. If you’ve wrapped someone with a flogger, single tail, or other implement then you have harmed them. Yes, this one is usually made “ok” by a quick acknowledgement of what you have done, an apology, and a check in to make sure they are ok but it is important to understand that they didn’t consent to having their neck or collarbone struck with a single tail and it is up to you to practice or focus more so that you don’t do it anyone again. But regardless of the level of harm that we intentionally or unintentionally inflict on someone, all of us need to strive for perfection in this area and be hyper-aware of our actions and the effect we can have on someone.
Harm Vs. Hurt: What’s the difference?


A final note or two.
I’d like to thank our Executive Producers Jeff, Jeremiah, and Sihlus, our Senior Producers Matt and Jeremy, our Producers Kainsin, Danni, and Heather, and our Jr. Producers K-2SO, Irish Mt. Dragon, and BuffaloDom84. If you would like to become one of our show producers go to our website, https://kuldrinskrypt.com/support to get that information.
Second, I’d like to talk BDSM contracts for their donation of their beautiful 25 page soft and hardbound M/s and D/s contracts.. http://bdsmcontracts.org coupon code: kuldrin20 for a 20% discount on all purchases.
And finally, I’d like to thank http://whippingstripes.com my personal maker of leather and paracord impact toys.
NEXT WEEK’S AGENDA
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Outro: This has been Master Kuldrin and Funsize for kuldrinskrypt.com: Unearth the Truth