The Gay Asian Mr. Leather Titleholder Who Refused to Be a Type – Tom Wang

Tom Wang, known in the leather community as Spicy Tuna, and Mr. CSW Leather (2006) survived homelessness and an abusive relationship before helping produce the Mr. CSW Leather Contest, only to spend years witnessing gay Asian men being called "Chopsticks" at bars and fielding "Rice Queen" messages that reduced them to a category instead of a person. He talks with Rick about refusing to internalize any of it, building real confidence instead of waiting for approval, and why so many of the older men who built these communities have quietly gone missing from them. If you've ever been wanted for what you represent instead of who you actually are, whether it's your race, your age, or anything else, this episode is about taking your story back in your own words. Key Takeaways:

Discover why letting someone else's category define you costs you more than the moment itself.
Learn why real confidence was never about waiting for people to see you differently.
Realize what gets lost when older men quietly disappear from the community that shaped them.
Understand why surviving what nearly broke you isn't the same as building what comes next, until you actually do both.
See why telling your own story in your own words is what finally stops other people from writing it for you.

About Tom

Tom C. Wang is a Taiwanese American writer, healthcare professional, and memoirist whose work explores identity, belonging, and the complexities of being a gay Asian man in America.

Drawing from his experiences as an immigrant, a survivor of family rejection, and someone who has spent decades navigating both corporate life and the LGBTQ+ community, Tom writes with honesty, curiosity, and compassion about race, aging, relationships, and what it means to build an authentic life.

He is currently completing his memoir, Tears of the Desert Rose, while sharing personal essays and cultural observations on Substack that invite deeper conversations about resilience, human connection, and finding home.

Connect With Tom Website Hey Guys, Check This Out! Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

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