296: Avoidance Feeds Anxiety: When to Make Teens Do Hard Things | Dr. Meredith Elkins

Your teen has asked to be picked up from school early again, and you already know why: they spent lunch hiding in the bathroom, and now they’re dreading tomorrow before today is even over. You’re heartbroken watching your teen hurt, and then the second-guessing kicks in: is rescuing your teen helping, or is it actually making things harder? That’s an exhausting place to be, and it makes sense when parents get there. Here’s the thing: teens are often dealing with real adolescent social worries, but avoidance makes anxiety worse. Every early pickup brings instant relief and takes away a chance to practice facing our fears, so going to school feels even scarier the next time. Dr. Meredith Elkins walks us through how to tell a painful-but-normal rough patch from clinical anxiety that takes over a teen’s life (hint: look at distress, duration, and how much it’s getting in the way). And no, you don’t need your teen to sit down with a therapist tomorrow to fix the situation. We talk about getting guidance from someone who knows anxiety, stepping away from the accommodations that stoke the anxiety, and helping your teen build confidence one doable step at a time. The bottom line: You’re a lot less powerless than you may feel. Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Dr. Meredith Elkins is a clinical psychologist and Harvard Medical School faculty member who researches and treats anxiety in children and families, co-directs the McLean Anxiety Mastery Program at McLean Hospital, and is the author of Parenting Anxiety: Breaking the Cycle of Worry and Raising Resilient Kids. Parenting Anxiety: Breaking the Cycle of Worry and Raising Resilient Kids The SPACE Program, developed at the Yale Child Study Center More on independence-focused therapy: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38901131/ ________________ GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠ DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠ - Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠ - The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠ UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠ VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠ ________________Today's sponsors: Jones Road Beauty: Use the code ASKLISA for a free full sized Mascara with your first purchase at ⁠https://www.jonesroadbeauty.com⁠. Shokz: Use code ASKLISA for an exclusive discount on all Shokz products at https://www.shokz.com.com Understood: Check out Zero Rejects wherever you listen to podcasts.\ Warby Parker: Buy one prescription pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional prescription pairs at ⁠https://www.WarbyParker.com/ASKLISA ⁠⁠________________ Parenting a tween or teen? Buckle up. Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life tackles the questions that keep parents up at night — academics, friendships, mental health, screens, meltdowns, and more. Every week, psychologist Lisa Damour teams up with a different expert to answer a real parent's real question — no fluff, no judgment, just practical, evidence-based advice you can actually use. Dr. Damour and her colleagues also turn their attention to the emotional rollercoaster of raising kids — the moments that leave you feeling uneasy, overwhelmed, or just plain alone. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to hit play. ________________ Episode keywords: teen anxiety help, teen school anxiety, teen school refusal, school avoidance in teens, teen social anxiety, teen has no friends, lonely teenager, teen afraid to go to school, anxious teen won’t go to therapy, how to help an anxious teenager, anxiety treatment for teens, exposure therapy for teen anxiety, parent accommodation anxiety, teen anxiety at school, teenager hiding at school, teen avoiding school lunch Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, lisa damour, dr lisa damour, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting help, family dynamics, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence, emotional lives of parents, parent wellbeing, parental mental health, parenting stress, parent self-care, parent burnout, parenting emotions, lisa damour book, the emotional lives of parents, parenting experts, child psychologist, parenting research, evidence-based parenting, voicing change media Learn more about your ad choices. 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