#511 Former Dominatrix on Kink, Fantasies & Mismatched Desire

What if you're kinky and your partner isn't? Former dominatrix Amanda Dames on mismatched desire and sharing fantasies without pressure.

Amanda, known as The Kink Consultant, is a board-certified sexologist and Somatica®-certified sex and relationship coach who hosts The Kink Consultant Podcast. She tells Amy and April what a typical day as a professional dominatrix looked like and what that job taught her about relationships. She also explains how she ended up with a spanking fetish at age 5. (Yes, 5.)

Then we get into something that shows up in a lot of long-term relationships: one partner wants something the other doesn't. Amanda explains why mismatched desire is so common, what happens when desires stay hidden, and how to bring up a kink so your partner feels free to say no.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• What mismatched desire is and why it's so common in long-term relationships
• Amanda's tools for couples with different levels of desire
• Some of the most surprising fantasies and kinks she's heard from clients
• Her top tips for bringing up a kink or fantasy with your partner
• How to share a fantasy without making your partner feel like they have to participate
• What to do when your partner is a no to something that matters to your sexual needs, including when one of you is kinky and the other isn't
• Where to find Amanda: http://amandadames.com and @the_kinkconsultant on Instagram

Plus, we answer a sex question about sex toy addiction and compulsive sex toy shopping. (Your cart full of vibrators is safe here.) We also share how our Advanced Couples Retreat sold out in under an hour.

Amanda's work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Women's Health, HuffPost, The Knot and Court TV. Through coaching and workshops, she helps individuals and couples explore kink and power exchange with more confidence and consent.

Free guides:

Talk to your partner about your desires: https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1

BDSM Checklist/Kink Menu: https://www.amandadames.com/kinkmenuIG

Podcast: https://www.amandadames.com/pod

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