Failure is a good thing and here's why

So many addicts are hindered by their view of failure that it actually creates greater difficulty in overcoming their pornography use. As a coach I teach my clients that thoughts are one of the biggest factors in how we feel and act, leading to the results we create. When they view pornography, fall off plan, eat more than they thought they should, they view that as a failure and can often fall into a self-defeating spiral of feeling bad and buffering. What people often miss is that if we can take a step back and observe our behavior without judgement and without shame, we find an opportunity to learn. Mistakes are our greatest learning opportunities. Becoming a scientist of your behavior makes you an expert that can see patterns, pathways, and potential that you don’t see when you just feel bad. I often ask, What does victory look like? Having a winning record in sports means that you lose just under half of the time. The greatest sluggers in baseball only hit the ball in a third of their at bats. If you took into account the number of actual swings during each at bat that percentage would go down. Yet, when I hear that someone feels like a complete failure for looking at pornography for 15 minutes over the course of an entire week, I wonder, is that a losing record? There are just over ten thousand minutes in a week. That means that 99.85% of the time the person who feels like they failed was not looking at pornography. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to justify a little sin by saying, “be good 99% of the time and that’s ok”. What I am saying is, taking stock of where you actually are gives you a better chance of moving the dial to where you want it to be. In this instance, as in so many that I see, a small, though measurable improvement, would make a huge difference in bringing a person out of their despair and into a place of confidence in their own capacity to choose what they want. That 0.15% failure rate far outstrips the acceptable failure rate of electronics, which is between ten and fifteen percent. But, what can be learned from it is invaluable. You see, what you think makes a big difference. If you think, “I am a failure” then you very likely will be right. If you think, “I can improve myself 0.15% and be 100% clear of pornography” then you are just as likely to be right. Look at your failures with the right perspective and you will have a wealth of understanding to improve your record. If you would like help, or know someone who does, have them sign up for a free mini session at zachspafford.com/workwithme. It will go a long way to changing the way they look at their struggle in overcoming pornography use.