Dan Harris and Oren Sofer

Dan Harris and Oren Sofer

This week we talk to Dan Harris and Oren Sofer about
mindful communication
Our guests this week are Dan Harris and Oren Sofer.

Dan was a previous guest and we discussed his great book, 10%
Happier. In addition, Dan is the current anchor on the weekend
edition of Good Morning America as well as Nightline.

He has begun creating a series of courses based around 10%
Happier. One of those courses features Oren Sofer.

Oren is a teacher and practitioner of Buddhist meditation,
Nonviolent Communication (NVC), and Somatics. Oren is a specialist
in the role of mindfulness in creating better conversation.

This conversation was recorded in Dan's office in the ABC
Studios in New York.



Our Sponsor this Week is
Casper Mattress
Visit casper.com/feed and use the promo code
“feed” to get $50 off!!




In This Interview, Oren Dan and I Discuss:



The One You Feed parable
Why mindfulness is useful in communication
The
10% Happier app
Learning to see confrontation as an opportunity to improve the
relationship
How our cultural conditioning teaches us the Win/Lose
paradigm
How we have a strong negative conditioning against
confrontation that becomes hard-wired
How mindfulness allows us to slow down and monitor our
emotional reactions in conversation
The role of curiosity in communication
How to become more curious
Learning to ask "What matters here" when listening to
others
Learning to say that we don't feel like talking instead of just
pretending
The minor discomfort of being real
How to say things in a way that the other person can hear and
understand
Learning to hold our tongue in certain situations
How being silent can lead to its own challenges
The importance of timing in choosing when to address
issues
Context sensitive communication
The two criteria of good communication: does the other person
understand and does it lead to connection

Dan Harris Links
10% Happier Homepage
Twitter
Facebook

Oren Sofer Links
Homepage

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See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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James Clear

James Clear

James Clear is an entrepreneur, weightlifter, and travel photographer. He writes at JamesClear.com, where he talks about scientific research and real-world experiences that help you rethink your health and improve your life. His blog gets millions of visitors per year. In This Interview James and I Discuss...The One You Feed parable.How money can be an addiction that society rewards.How much we over estimate one defining moment versus steady day to day behavior.The aggregation of marginal gains- improve by 1% in everything you do.Small changes can lead to big results.Reduce the Scope, Stick to The Schedule.Not letting your emotions drive your behavior.The difference between professionals and amateurs.It's not the result that matters but the action and habit.The 2 Minute Rule.How willpower often comes after we start, not before."Start with something so easy you can't say no to it"- Leo BabutaYou don't have to be great at the start, you just need to be there.Learning from our failures and seeing it as a data point.Seeing failure as an event, not as part of us.How mentally tough people define themselves by their persistence, not failure.Acquiring more mental toughness or grit.How 21 days to create a habit is a myth.Missing a habit once in awhile is not a big deal.Never missing twice.Fixed Mindset versus Growth Mindset.How your job is to live out your unique path.The difference between competitiveness and comparison.How the performance matters, not the judgement of it.Ambition and contentment are not opposites.James Clear LinksJames Clear HomepageJames Clear Free Habits KitJames Clear TwitterJames Clear Facebook   Some of our most popular interviews that you might also enjoy:Kino MacGregorStrand of OaksMike Scott of the WaterboysTodd Henry- author of Die EmptyRandy Scott HydeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

8 Dec 201448min

Mini Episode- Why Worrying Doesn't Work

Mini Episode- Why Worrying Doesn't Work

A short mini episode about worrying.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

8 Dec 20147min

Michael Galinsky

Michael Galinsky

This week we talk to Michael Galinsky about the role of emotions in physical pain Michael Galinsky is an American filmmaker, cinematographer, photographer, and musician who has produced and directed a number of documentaries, including Battle from Brooklyn and Who Took Johnny. He also runs a production and distribution company called Rumur. He is currently running a Kickstarter campaign to fund his new film, All The Rage which is based on the pioneering work of Dr John Sarno. Dr Sarno is a leading figure in understanding the role of emotions in physical pain. In This Interview Michael and I Discuss...The One You Feed parable.The history of Dr John Sarno.How being a "goodist" can create strong repression and anger.How repressed emotions can cause physical pain.His family history with Dr. Sarno.His personal battles with pain.How Howard Stern, Larry David and John Stossel are fans of Dr. Sarno.How pain is a normal problem but chronic pain is a failure of the body to heal itself.The challenges in healing the emotional issues that can cause physical pain.The role of fear in causing physical complaints.Meditation practice as a way to manage challenging emotions.How pain can be a barometer of how we are doing emotionally.Knowing is not the same as doing.The difference between acceptance and repression.Michael Galinsky LinksMichael Galinsky TwitterMichael Galinksy/ Rumur Home pageAll the Rage Kickstarter campaign   Some of our most popular interviews that you might also enjoy:Kino MacGregorStrand of OaksMike Scott of the WaterboysTodd Henry- author of Die EmptyRandy Scott HydeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

2 Dec 201437min

Mini Episode- The Exhaustion of Avoidance

Mini Episode- The Exhaustion of Avoidance

Eric discusses how tiring avoidance can be and proposes some solutions.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

30 Nov 20145min

Robert Biswas-Diener

Robert Biswas-Diener

This week we talk to Robert Biswas-Diener about the upside of your dark side.Robert Biswas-Diener  is a psychologist, author and instructor at Portland State University. Biswas-Diener's research focuses on income and happiness, culture and happiness, and positive psychology.  Robert has written a number of books including Happiness: Unlocking The mysteries of Psychological Wealth and The Courage Quotient, and his latest book is called The Upside of Your Darkside:Why Being Your Whole Self, Not Just Your "good"Self -Drives Success and Fulfilment which was co-written with Todd Kashdan. In This Interview Robert and I Discuss...The One You Feed parable.Embracing both sides of our nature.The benefits of anger, guilt and other "negative" emotions.Thinking of emotions as a thermometer.How only having positive emotions is like breaking a thermometer.How we may not get as stuck in negative emotions as we think we do.The benefits of being emotionally agile or flexible.How avoidance and suppression is a bad approach.That suppression is a very blunt tool and you can't selectively suppress certain emotions.How avoidance is "the tectonic issue of our times"Comfort addiction- we have the ability to be more comfortable than any time in history.How comfort is not the same as happiness.Finding the middle ground between comfort and effort.Knowing is not the same as doing."Avoiding problems also means avoiding finding the solution to them".Emotional Time Travel Errors.Allowing ourselves to experience disappointment.How the ability to tolerate some degree of psychological discomfort is one of the key attributes to successful living.Robert Biswas Diener LinksRobert Biswas-Diener HomepageRobert Biswas -Diener Coaching Training ProgramRobert Biswas Diener on TwitterRobert Biswas-Diener TED Talk  Some of our most popular interviews that you might also enjoy:Kino MacGregorStrand of OaksMike Scott of the WaterboysTodd Henry- author of Die EmptyRandy Scott HydeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

25 Nov 201433min

Mini Episode- Excerpt from 7 Habits Course

Mini Episode- Excerpt from 7 Habits Course

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

23 Nov 20146min

Jeffrey Rubin

Jeffrey Rubin

This week we talk to Jeffrey Rubin about the art of flourishingDr. Jeffrey Rubin is widely regarded as one of the leading authorities on the integration of meditation and psychotherapy. In his ground-breaking and critically acclaimed Psychotherapy & Buddhism: Towards an Integration, Dr. Rubin forged his own unique synthesis of Eastern and Western thought. He illuminated each discipline’s strengths and weaknesses and the ways in which they could enrich each other. Dr. Rubin deepens and broadens his exploration of how a judicious blending of the best of the Eastern meditative and Western psychotherapeutic traditions offers us unmatched tools for living with greater awareness and freedom, wisdom and compassion. He is also the author of The Good Life: Psychoanalytic Reflections on Love, Ethics, Creativity, and SpiritualityIn his recent writing and workshops on The Art of Flourishing, Dr. Rubin is especially interested in illuminating both those forces in the world that are driving us crazy and those personal and collective resources we can draw on to not only stay sane, but to flourish in challenging times. In This Interview Jeffrey and I Discuss...The One You Feed parable.How our character is built by our habits.How what we focus on grows.How outrage and anger can be useful.The danger of demonizing negative emotions.How western psychology and eastern meditative complement each other.The blind spots of western psychology and meditation.The three steps of meditative psychotherapy.A great story with the legendary yoga teacher TKV Desikachar.The different ways to meditate and how one size doesn't fit all.The importance of appreciating beauty.The three types of beauty.Broadening our conceptions of beauty.Learning to appreciate the world around us.Expanding inner space.How self care is the foundation for intimacy."Cotton candy self care"Dr. Jeffrey Rubin LinksJeffrey Rubin HomepageJeffrey Rubin on Facebook Some of our most popular interviews that you might also enjoy:Kino MacGregorStrand of OaksMike Scott of the WaterboysTodd Henry- author of Die EmptyRandy Scott HydeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

19 Nov 201439min

Bonus Re-Release: Andrew Solomon

Bonus Re-Release: Andrew Solomon

Andrew Solomon is a writer and lecturer on politics, culture and psychology.Solomon’s newest book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity, published on November 13, 2012, won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction among many other awards. The New York Times hailed the book, writing, “It’s a book everyone should read… there’s no one who wouldn’t be a more imaginative and understanding parent — or human being — for having done so… a wise and beautiful book.”  People described it as “a brave, beautiful book that will expand your humanity.”Solomon’s previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression (Scribner, 2001), won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize, and was included in The Times of London‘s list of one hundred best books of the decade. A New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions, The Noonday Demon has also been a bestseller in seven foreign countries, and has been published in twenty-four languages.  The New York Times described it as “All-encompassing, brave, deeply humane… a book of remarkable depth, breadth and vitality… open-minded, critically informed and poetic all at the same time… fearless, and full of compassion.”In addition he recently conducted an exclusive interview with Peter Lanza, father of Adam Lanza, perpetrator of the Sandy Hook School shooting. It was published in The New Yorker and received an enermous amount of media coverage. In This Interview Andrew and I Discuss…The One You Feed parable.Using work to make the world a better place.The urgent business of living a moral life.How to decide what we should change and what we should accept.How hope can become the cornerstone of misery.The challenges and joys of parenting disabled children.The perfectionism of privilege.The importance of the choice to celebrate what is versus wishing it to be different.How we can grow through difficult circumstances.The poison of comparison.The idea of the “psychological supermodel”.Layering feelings of failure onto depression and how damaging that is.Learning to celebrate our difficulties and differences.A beautiful and hopeful reading on depression.How critical humor is in dealing with depressionNew approaches to treating depression.His ongoing challenges with depression and anxiety.The shame of mental illness.If you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes.A life that is only luxury and pleasure tends to feel rather hollow and empty.How sparing our children from all adversity is a bad idea.The choices we face.How encounters with darkness give us the energy to feed our good wolf.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

15 Nov 201435min

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