Episode 89: BJ's in the dungeon with Ashley

Dave and Hank Green created a syndicated pub trivia game hosted YouTube style with hosts from the internet asking and answering questions on the TV screen of your favorite bar or college hangout. There are similar models but this one is done brilliantly to account for different learning styles, abilities, and people's love for cyber-personalities. In this episode trivia connoisseur, Dave helps me understand how to frame questions more effectively and I test him on sex trivia. Anteater penises. Pubic wigs. To learn more and to signup for Dr. Doe trivia in your future go to truthorfail.com. SEXtra Credit: Play free trivia at http://www.truthorfail.com/

30 Nov 201845min

Rachel Grant coaches survivors of abuse on boundaries and trust and how to find joy in surviving. We talk about her upbringing in Oklahoma and our shared fondness for San Francisco as a locality for really comprehensive sex education. To learn more about her program, sign up for help, and or access some of her online resources for free check out: http://rachelgrantcoaching.com/beyond-surviving-more/ SEXtra Credit: sing about something or all the things you're struggle with, so like "la la la I created more work for myself than I'm able to do and doe ray me, I keep getting stung by state dependent memories."

27 Nov 201842min

Over the years I've taught thousands of students. Emily is one of a small number who impressed me with how much she learned and grew. In this episode Emily shares part of that journey and how it continues to in her conversations and career pursuits. I share what is new in my world and we end up doing Kegels to her operatic voice. SEXtra Credit: Think about how you imagine yourself right now. Who you are, who you share you life with, what you create, where you exist. Write it down for a you six years in the future to review. What are you going to learn that influences who you are?

12 Nov 201837min

Let's talk about gender and biosex and sex assigned at birth and anatomy and surgery and language. In this episode Blake, FTM, and I a ciswoman pull apart what we experience on a day to day basis to develop a better world for the future. For part of the episode I go through the criteria of gender dysphoria as outlined in the DSM 5. Here there are if you'd like to follow along: In adolescents and adults gender dysphoria diagnosis involves a difference between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, and significant distress or problems functioning. It lasts at least six months and is shown by at least two of the following: 1. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics 2. A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics 3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender 4. A strong desire to be of the other gender 5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender 6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender Why does Blake identify as FTM rather than a transman? "While I’m not offended if someone refers to me as a transman, I prefer to say I’m FTM, or a female-to-male trans person. The main reason is that the term FTM just feels correct. It sounds right when I say it. It feels authentic. I don’t get that “it fits” feeling with transman, non-binary, or any other gendery word. However, it’s okay if my experience seems familiar to you and you do use a different term than I do. Or if you’re FTm and your experience is nothing like mine. We’re equally valid. I just know what fits for me. I don’t feel that my gender is particularly “man”, and I struggle to relate to most men, cis or trans. I know that I get the “it fits” feeling with my current name, Blake, but not with my birth name. He/him/his pronouns fit too. They/them doesn’t bother me, but doesn’t feel as correct as he/him. Being called she/her causes me pain. When I had breasts, I knew that I’d feel more correct without them, so I removed them, and I do indeed feel more at home in my own body now. I was similarly confident about not wanting my uterus and ovaries. I have mixed feelings about the idea of having/obtaining a penis. I rarely feel pain/dysphoria when I see my own genitalia, but I do wish that I didn’t have to worry about having this genitalia - I wish men’s bathrooms had more stalls, I wish my genitals weren’t remarkable or confusing to doctors or potential sexual partners, but I don’t hate having a vulva. I’m not always comfortable with other people interacting with it, though I often am, but I find that the most emotionally fulfilling sex for me involves me penetrating another person with a “realistic” phallus. It’s how I feel most sexually fulfilled, even if that means my genitals aren’t stimulated by another person and/or I don’t have an orgasm. But having a penis 24/7 seems really inconvenient, honestly, and I don’t like the feeling of wearing a packer. I like the look of a bulge on me, but not enough to wear a packer. I like that I was “born female” and I wouldn’t change it. I like using a term that has female in it. I am thankful to have been raised as a girl. I didn’t feel like anything but a girl, until I realized that I’d never thought about it. But by then, I’d spent 18 years avoiding boys. Boys were mean to me. Men scare me. So using a term with “man” in it feels less authentic, and I don’t want to be them or be like them. Manhood isn’t appealing to me, even though much of “male”-ness feels essential to me."

9 Nov 201851min

Join me and Amanda for a conversation full of gender speculation, personal observations, and sitting spread legged. We go through some of the tactics used throughout history to determine one's sex. How do we look at our fingernails? How do we take off our shirts? How do we sit on the couch? Can we lift a chair with our lower legs against a wall? Amanda and I use 'male' and female' as markers but all of this non-binary. Then we talk about our experiences as women in workplaces, our name journeys, and how we choose to express ourselves. Sexplanations YouTube episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0AQ_c_5UcY&t SEXtra Credit: practice sitting spread-legged in public spaces and inspire curiosity about gender, watch the Sexplanations' episode about how we seek a binary that doesn't exist. Try on clothes that you wouldn't normally wear and see how you feel about them. Come out of the dressing room and see how you feel. Then post them on social media #sexplanationspodcast. TO SUPPORT THE SHOW: patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast

26 Okt 201847min

In this episode my past self (Lindsey from September) gives my future self a pep talk. I check-in on how the podcast is going and review our latest big project, the Sexplanations Road Tour. Why am I going to live in an RV for the next five or so months and travel the country sex educating whoever shows up to learn? SEXtra Credit: check out Sexplanations.com and visit the Tour links. Click around and see if there's anything you're interested in helping out with like meetups, volunteering, marketing etc. Here's a link to the Indiegogo campaign: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/sexplanations-road-tour#/ Here's a link to the Patreon page: https://www.patreon.com/sexedroadtour

19 Okt 201827min

Four years ago I made a video about using less harmful language, avoiding words that were exclusionary, offensive, or inaccurate. Soon after this Seththinksthoughts, a vlog-style YouTube channel posted a video adding the list of harmful words and suggesting alternatives. I loved it and reached out to Seth. Over these years we've kept in touch and tried to encourage intellectual growth in each other. So when it came time to revisit the Sexplanations episode about less harmful language, I knew exactly who I wanted to talk to about it! Seth is in Hong Kong (not Japan) teaching music and was willing to do a video call at 5 AM his time to pull this off. It was delightful! Here are some of the things we reference in the podcast: Joyful Heart Foundation Flagrant Conduct 99% Invisible Sexplanations' Less Harmful Language: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNMToK5tqBA Seth's Less Harmful Language: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3l6FSQdAX1M SEXtra Credit: find a word or sequence of words that rubs you the wrong way and come up with five other options.

15 Okt 201859min

Why are some people heterosexual? What informs this identity? What was it like to come out to your family? Have you ever been treated differently because of your attraction to men, as a woman? Have you ever seen Hysterical Literature? How do you imagine attraction to a woman to be? What narratives and representation do you have in media? How did attraction develop for you? Why do I like kissing this person? Silvia and I investigate a lot of the questions surrounding sexual orientation. SEXtra Credit: Practice coming out in one or more of your identities with different groups of people who share different kinds of spaces with you.

5 Okt 201852min