185. Living with your parents in your 20s

It’s something we all inevitably experience in our dating lives, the pain of a break-up, saying goodbye to someone we loved and then, one day, the realisation that your ex has moved on and is with someone new. It can be incredibly confronting and painful, so today we're going to explore exactly why it hurts, even if deep down, we know we were never going to work. We will dive into the psychological ideas and theories behind rosy retrospection, social comparison, our self worth and the emotional and psychological closure that occurs when our ex moves on. We also examine the role of the rebound and why it’s important to take time to heal before getting into a new relationship, as explained by the addiction model of heartbreak and stages of grief. But finally, what next? Now that the chapter has finally closed, how do we move on and heal in a healthy manner and ignore those lingering self doubts that everything we had with our ex, they're now having with someone. All that and more in this episode, listen now!  Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=en See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

1 Aug 202342min

This week we're discussing the secret and the science behind the healing powers of nature. Our generation has become increasingly detached from the outdoors and our wild roots, with over 90% of our days spent indoors or on a screen, often at the expense of our mental wellbeing, sense of self, psychological and spiritual connection with the land and overall physical health. In this episode we explore ideas around nature deficit disorder, recent longitudinal studies on the impacts of green spaces on our mental health and practices such as forest bathing, forest schools, water therapy and what we can learn from the deep connection that Indigenous groups have with the land. We also discuss how we can easily integrate more time outdoors into our daily routine to radically improve our psychological wellbeing. Listen now.  Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=en See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

28 Juli 202337min

Independence is highly regarded as an admirable personality trait - we are obsessed with people who are self made, who solo travel, pay their own bills and don't seem to need anyone. However, our sense of independence can become problematic when we approach the point of hyper-independency. Hyper-independence refers to an excessive sense of self sufficiency and self reliance, in which we deny the help of others, prefer doing things on our own and avoid emotional vulnerability. Researchers have since suggested that this kind of behaviour may actually be a trauma response, whereby we push others away to protect ourselves from being hurt due to past experiences. In today's episode we break down the psychology of hyper-independence, specifically its origins in childhood emotional neglect and being forced to grow up too soon. We examine the major indicators of hyper-independence, the links to codependency, as well as the consequences this can have for our love lives and careers, whilst also exploring how we can heal. Listen now.  Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=en See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

25 Juli 202340min

So often in life, we are our own worst enemies. The meanest and loudest voice in our head is our own. So why are we so hard on ourselves? In this episode we break down the psychological underpinnings behind our inner critic, from the proposed evolutionary role of negative self talk, to the influence of our upbringing including the distinction between conditional and unconditional positive regard, parental expectations and childhood bullying. We examine how social comparison and overthinking can contribute to a poor self perception but, also, how we can adopt the methods of radical self compassion and cognitive diffusion to silence that inner voice and be free from self judgement. Listen now!  Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s Harvard Business Review article: https://hbr.org/2021/05/stop-being-so-hard-on-yourself Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=en&__coig_restricted=1See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

22 Juli 202338min

The term 'gaslighting' has grown in popularity in recent years and become part of our shared psychobabble, giving our generation the language to describe a pattern of behaviour that has existed for centuries. This week on the podcast, we explore a recent story in the media on gaslighting and dive into what gaslighting actually means from a psychological perspective. We explore the origins of the term, how it references pop culture, the six behavioural patterns adopted by gaslighters and the links to narcissism and pathological lying. We also discuss how to identify this behaviour, detach from these individuals and move forward from the emotional hangover created by gaslighting. All that and more, listen now!  Subscribe to our Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s The article mentioned: https://www.asanet.org/wp-content/uploads/attach/journals/oct19asrfeature.pdf See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

18 Juli 202346min

On this week's episode we discuss why we fall into a so called 'rut' and how to pull ourselves out of it and rekindle our sense of self! Our 20s represent a transition into adulthood where we can find ourselves more and more detached from ourselves, uninspired, unmotivated, unexcited by life. The reasons for why this occurs varies, from the transition to full-time work, experiencing failure, the monotony of daily routine and even chronic stress. We're going to discuss six psychological strategies and theories for how we can break out of this cycle, including the benefits of impulsive behaviour, the healing power of nature, how to set a weekly challenge and much more. For all my 20-something year olds out there, stuck in a bit of a rut. This episode if for you.  Subscribe on Patreon for exclusive bonus content: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

14 Juli 202339min

TW: Domestic violence, sexual abuse. In her early 20s, Amy suffered an unimaginable loss. Her mother was murdered at the hands of her brother. But what came next is an even more incredible story of growth, advocacy and overcoming adversity and trauma. In this week's episode, we speak to Amy about trauma in our 20s and how we can push through grief and loss. We discuss the power of positive self talk, the psychology of complex PTSD, unlearning generational trauma and how to use your pain to help others. Listen now.  Follow the incredible Amy to hear more about her work: https://www.instagram.com/amybchesler/ Amy's podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/3amRVnSbdrioaBoaHcNRiq?si=364be5d8f92043b1  Buy Amy's book: https://www.amazon.com.au/Working-Justice-Familys-Betrayal-Healing/dp/1642937541  If you found this episode distressing, please see the following resources for additional assistance: Reachout: https://au.reachout.com/ Beyond Blue: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/  Mental Health America: https://www.mhanational.org/get-involved/contact-us See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

11 Juli 202341min

Being single has never been more common, with more people being single than ever before in history. And yet, we still experience a great degree of social and internal stigma, and even shame, around our relationship status. From the comments of family or friends saying that "you'll find someone soon", to the movies where marriage and partnership is the happy ending, sometimes we feel the need to settle in order to be happy or live up to societies expectations. In today's episode we explore the psychology behind this - from gender schema theory, to the scarcity effect, media psychology, identity fusion, and the hidden benefits of our single years. We also discuss whether it's wrong to want a relationship and whether we need to be fully healed before dating again? The answer is, it's complicated. Listen now!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

7 Juli 202339min