Episode 2498 - Saturday, April 20, 1985

Most of the crimes which disturb the internal peace of society, are produced by the restraints which the necessary but unequal laws of property have imposed on the appetites of mankind, by confining to a few the possession of those objects that are coveted by many. Of all our passions and appetites, the love of power is of the most imperious and unsociable nature, since the pride of one man requires the submission of the multitude. In the tumult of civil discord, the laws of society lose their force, and their place is seldom supplied by those of humanity. The ardor of contention, the pride of victory, the despair of success, the memory of past injuries, and the fear of future dangers, all contribute to inflame the mind, and to silence the voice of pity. From such motives almost every page of history has been stained with civil blood; but these motives will not account for the unprovoked cruelties of Commodus, who had nothing to wish and every thing to enjoy. The beloved son of Marcus succeeded to his father, amidst the acclamations of the senate and armies; and when he ascended the throne, the happy youth saw round him neither competitor to remove, nor enemies to punish. In this calm, elevated station, it was surely natural that he should prefer the love of mankind to their detestation, the mild glories of his five predecessors to the ignominious fate of Nero and Domitian.Yet Commodus was not, as he has been represented, a tiger born with an insatiate thirst of human blood, and capable, from his infancy, of the most inhuman actions. Nature had formed him of a weak rather than a wicked disposition. His simplicity and timidity rendered him the slave of his attendants, who gradually corrupted his mind. His cruelty, which at first obeyed the dictates of others, degenerated into habit, and at length became the ruling passion of his soul.Edward Gibbon. History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, Volume 1, Chapter 4, Part I.Today's strip

15 Maj 201729min

Garfield does a thing with a rope. We didn't have much to say about it, but it took us seventeen minutes to do it. We did talk about the periodic table for a while today. I think we referenced a bunch of other songs but not this one. Also, for anyone who wants to know how beryllium is spelled, I'm sorry, but we don't know.Today's stripFacts about carbonTalkOrigins.org

14 Maj 201717min

Hey, Squarespace has charts now! No, seriously, this is a pie chart It's been brought to our attention that we have inadvertently recorded an episode of a daily Garfield recap podcast today. We're sorry about that.Today's strip

13 Maj 201714min

Jon says a thing about how he wants Garfield to not do a thing, Garfield does the thing, and then says a thing about the thing that he did. Then three weirdos talk about the thing while another thing is recording the things they said about the thing, and put it online so you can hear everything they had to say. Welcome to fucking 2017, baby!Today's strip

12 Maj 201716min

If our podcast were the original arcade Pac Man, with each episode representing a single level, today's episode would have glitched out due to a buffer overflow, manifesting in the right channel of the podcast turning into indecipherable gibberish and causing the the episode, and thus any potential future episodes to be unplayable. Sadly, this didn't happen and you're going to half to keep tuning in to this podcast for the foreseeable future. We apologize for the inconvenience."Last Train to Compton (Final Version)" from the album Who's the Beef? - Rejected Materials, Vol. 2 by The Flowers of Disgust, appears courtesy of The Flowers of Disgust and Cat O' Nine Tails Records, or at all.Akira Kurosawa's RashomonPac Man's kill screenToday's strip

11 Maj 201726min

Well, what do you know:4. They weren't always "four calling birds."The “four calling birds” that we sing about today were, at different times, “four canary birds” and “four mockingbirds,” and before that they show up as “colly birds” or “collie birds,” which is the archaic term for blackbirds. There were however, for some reason, always four of them.-some internet listicle or otherSpecial thanks to this week's guest host! I've forgotten his actual last name, so let's just say it's Daniel Dennett, ok?Today's strip

10 Maj 201727min

Did we forget to analogize the conflict between Jon and Garfield in today's strip to the collision between the modern nanny state and piggish libertarianism? Yes, yes we did. But on the plus side, we nevertheless still managed to spend an average of eight solid minutes on each panel of this almost entirely wordless strip. And as an extra benefit to you, our astute listener, this episode has been specifically engineered so that it can be played multiple times, so if you run out of podcast on your morning commute, you can just play it again! And again! And again! Put THAT in your dick and smoke it, assholes!Play the 1990 NES game Solar Jetman in your browserHardcore History miniseries on Genghis KhanToday's strip

9 Maj 201724min

Ok, so I dunno if you all knew this already, but the Wikipedia page for the 1955 film Fast and Furious contains, among other resources, THE FILM IN ITS ENTIRETY. Perhaps you did know that already. Anyway, here it is I guess.Maybe that has something to do with today's Garfield strip, and maybe it doesn't. Your guess is as good as ours on this one.Today's strip

8 Maj 201731min