Ep. 10: Tips on Oral Sex, Not Feeling Like Doin’ It, and Sex Toys

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My partner is very shy when it comes to talking about sex. He found a sex compatibility quiz which we took as a way to open communication between us and the results showed we’re very in sync. In the quiz, he expressed interest in using a penis ring. But how do I know which one to buy, and what is the best way to use it? We’re a hetero couple, both 30, healthy, and have sex twice a week. He doesn’t have issues with stamina—sometimes quite the opposite (which makes him self-conscious). I’m worried if I get the wrong one, it will exacerbate that for him.2) My wife of 30 years says she’d like more romance when I initiate sex. But she’s not a flower type of person. I know everyone's definition of romance is different, but do you have any suggestions for me?3) Can women have premature orgasms? I sometimes feel like I orgasm way too fast, and sex is over before I want it to be. I know I could aim for another, but I’m generally done after one orgasm. I have my orgasms through my girlfriend using her fingers on me or through oral sex. There’s a lot of information about men having orgasms before they’re ready, but I can’t find anything on women. I’m 26 and lesbian.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

24 Juli 202419min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I split with my husband of 14 years and my divorce has just come through. I’m a combination of nervous and excited. The marriage wasn’t bad, it was just boring and the sex was never good or satisfying. I’m now ready to get out there and start dating again, but I’m nervous about sex. Any tips on how to ease back into it? I’m 46.2) I love my wife but I have just finished a work affair that lasted two months. I didn’t finish it, she did. The affair was just sex—she chased me, rather than me making the moves—so I guess you would call it an opportunistic affair. I’ll miss the sex, but I’m glad it’s over and I am praying my wife will never find out. What concerns me though is how easy I found it to cheat. Is this a male thing? It meant nothing to me, but I know my wife sure as hell wouldn’t view it that way. I feel ashamed now that it’s over, but I didn’t while I was having it. Does this mean I will do it again?3) How do I stay in the moment during sex? I am so easily distracted, half the time I forget I’m actually having sex. I drift off into my own world, thinking about things I have to do or things I want to buy.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

17 Juli 202419min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) Even when I've had plenty of foreplay and I'm certain I'm turned on, when my partner first enters me it's like he's stuck for a moment. It’s like my vagina won't let him in. He’s able to ease in after a few seconds and intercourse is great after that. It doesn't hurt, but I find it a bit awkward and confusing because I'm not sure what's going on. It’s like he's hitting a wall. Do you have any thoughts? This has happened with multiple people, so the problem is clearly me. I’m 30.2) I’ve been with my partner for 12 years and our sex life is pretty good, but we don’t do it that frequently. Twice a month is all we manage. A friend passed on an old book called 365 Nights where a couple has sex every single day to revamp their sex life. They had sex no matter what. It’s a very interesting read, and I’m tempted to give it a go. Maybe not every day, but every second day. Good or bad idea?3) My partner won’t have sex unless she has a shower first. I’m all for hygiene, but I like the smell of her before she’s showered, not after. Then I can smell when she’s aroused—she gives off a scent that really turns me on. Post-shower she smells of nothing. I’ve told her this, but she still insists on doing it. How can I change her mind?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

10 Juli 202419min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My girlfriend and I went through a period of not having sex—we were so busy it got forgotten about. We made a point of having sex every Friday night—and now it’s stuck. We now ONLY have sex on Friday nights. She really likes this arrangement, but I hate having sex on a schedule. How can I make her more spontaneous?2) I am way more adventurous than my wife of many years and sex has become difficult for her lately (mostly due to painful sex). She knows my needs aren’t being met and told me she’d be OK if I had ‘mindless sex’ with someone else, provided there was no emotional attachment. She said there would be ground rules—it can’t be with anyone we know, she doesn’t want to hear or know about it, and I must practice safe sex. So, what should I do? Accept what is a genuine and, I believe, truly loving offer, or turn it down? At my age (I’m in my 60s) I feel it’s now or never. That sexually adventurous side of me has never been explored before, which I think is a bit sad. Any thoughts would be appreciated greatly.3) I’m a 37-year-old straight man and I’ve always loved sex, but find I’m losing my appetite. During lockdown, my wife and I worked from home. I still work from home—and it’s killed my sex drive. I’m bored and I masturbate too much to porn to relieve the boredom. I know that’s part of the problem, but I’ve lost all motivation to shake myself out of this. I can’t be the only person feeling like this.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

3 Juli 202426min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I’ve lost a lot of weight using Ozempic and am delighted with how my body looks. I feel brand new and—at last—sexy and desirable. After years of complaining that I never initiate sex and accusing me of not even liking sex, I thought my husband would be pleased with my newfound confidence. I’m now super keen to try new things and have sex more often. I thought he would be happy with all these changes, but he just seems nervous about it all. He says he finds it "weird" that I’m the one now wanting sex. I’m confused and hurt.2) I’m a 27-year-old man and very much in love with my girlfriend of five years. Even though I’m essentially straight, I’ve always wanted to experiment sexually with another man. I have no desire to live as a gay man—I’m just curious what it would be like to sleep with one. I find it unfair that bi-curiosity is encouraged with women but not with men. My girlfriend has no idea I feel this way. I want to tell her and ask if we could explore this somehow, but I don’t want to lose her.3) I’m 46 and it’s finally dawned on me that, as much as I love sex, I don’t love sex in long-term relationships. I enjoy the power sex gives me over men. I love the game you both play at the start, and the moment when you first, finally, consummate all that pent-up lust. The first two months are fantastic but then, quickly, I lose interest in sex with that person completely. I kept searching for that magic person or relationship when the switch wouldn’t go off, but it’s never happened and never will happen. My question now is: what are my options? I can’t be the only one who feels like this. What do other people do?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

26 Juni 202424min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My partner makes strange noises during sex and it really puts me off. It’s like a whimpering noise—it sounds exactly like the noise my dog makes when I’ve locked her outside. I nearly burst out laughing the first time I heard it, now it’s just a turnoff. We’re four months into the relationship. How do I bring this up?2) I have (finally) met a great guy and the sex is good—he definitely gets me hot and bothered—but I can’t feel him inside of me. It’s the ‘Is it in yet?’ thing. His penis is on the small side, but I don’t think it’s that small. Any ideas on why this might be happening and how to improve things?3) I’m newly divorced and hopeful I will meet someone new. My issue is my kids. They love their father and didn’t want us to divorce (we have a boy aged nine and a girl aged 12). My question is what do I tell my kids when I meet someone? When should they meet him? Can he ever stay over? What if it’s just a fling and I don’t want them to meet him? Do I still let them know something is happening?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

19 Juni 202420min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I think my partner is faking orgasm because when he ejaculates, no semen comes out. The first time it happened, I asked him why there wasn’t much stuff. He said he didn’t know why and walked off. Since then, it happens now and then. I don’t say anything because I don’t want to embarrass him. Why would he fake it? Do men fake it? Is there another reason why this is happening?2) I recently discovered my husband of 22 years has a fake vagina sex toy and it’s freaked me out. We’re both open and adventurous with sex, so why would he need such a thing? It’s shaped like a woman’s bottom and has a hole for the anus and vagina. It’s ribbed inside, so he obviously puts his penis inside and masturbates into it. I’m not against sex toys—he used to own a Fleshlight—but I find this disturbing and somehow degrading to women. He’s hidden it from me, so obviously feels embarrassed as well. Should I tell him I’ve found it?3) I’m a 27-year-old female who is interested in exploring with the same sex. The issue I have is that I only seem to be able to orgasm using a vibrator, and the thought of giving oral sex/hand sex to another woman makes me anxious. If I can't pleasure myself this way, how can I expect to pleasure someone else? Men seem so much easier to please, and there's an obvious end point because they ejaculate. Any tips or advice to calm the nerves would be much appreciated.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

12 Juni 202422min

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I love watching BDSM porn and have a masochistic kink. My wife enjoys sex, but is pretty conservative in what she likes. I’ve told her I’d quite enjoy being tied up or spanked and she looked shocked, so I didn’t pursue it. How do I let her know I’d really like her to indulge me a little during sex without her thinking I’m perverted?2) My husband and I have been together since college, married 37 years—and I absolutely adore him. A few years ago, he went through what appeared to be a mid-life crisis. He spent a lot of time in bars chatting up the cute, young bartenders and waitresses and looking them up online. He also went to strip clubs and lied to me about what he was doing. I was crushed, but we went to couples therapy and things are so much better. The problem is me. How do I trust again, move on, and stop obsessing? He says he was drinking too much, hanging out with the wrong people, and is very ashamed, embarrassed, and sorry. But when I ask him more probing questions about it, he completely shuts down. He will go to his grave with what happened, and I worry it was bad. But does it even matter? We are in such a good place now and we have a wonderful life. I need to forgive, forget, and move on, but I can’t. I've seen a therapist on my own and feel it isn't really helping.3) Sometimes, when I’m having sex, I’m really up for it and aroused, but then lose arousal just before an orgasm can happen. I miss the moment. It’s frustrating. Why does this happen, and how can I stop it happening?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

5 Juni 202423min