How to Deal with Toxic Family Members

Pastor Jamey Smith of Riverside Church in Three Rivers, Michigan survived domestic abuse in his childhood. Today he helps others navigate this traumatic experience as a Pastor. When so many abusers twist scripture and church teachings, it can be a scary thing to approach a Pastor. But Jamey says the Bible is very clear: domestic abuse is not okay. In this conversation, guest host Dan Moyle and Pastor Jamey Smith take on the ways in which perpetrators of violence twist scripture and unpack what God says about abuse and oppression. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

11 Mars 202028min

Survivors of abuse feel like they've lost their power. The DASAS panel discusses how abuse victims can take that power back. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

4 Mars 202015min

Claudia Pahls hosts a round table with Deborah Hackworth, Ellen Higgins and Rose Ludwick to discuss some of the ways abuse like domestic violence changes victims and survivors. Here are some ways in which people can feel like their lives have changed after experiencing abuse and domestic violence and how to go about them: Feeling easily overwhelmed, anxious irritated or crying without explanation: Places you used to love are now dull or noisy, and people whose company you used to enjoy are now irritating. That’s because after surviving an abusive situation, many people tend to find respite by isolating themselves from the world or the activities that were once meaningful to them. We know that although this might be a temporary fix, being reclusive is not a long-term solution because human beings are social creatures that need interaction with other people. If you notice that you start feeling overwhelmed or anxious around new people or in social situations after experiencing abuse, it may help to practice some self-care: try retreating to a quiet space where you can gather your thoughts and collect yourself. Try techniques such as breathing exercises that can help you calm down or practice some mindfulness! Observing the outside world, acknowledging that you are safe and that the abuse is in the past (where it belongs) can help you feel back to normal and at peace with yourself and with those around you. Distrusting people in general or being uncomfortable if left alone with someone of the opposite sex: We hear from many of our contacts that after being in an abusive relationship they have a hard time building connections with other people and that trust (or lack thereof) becomes an issue. We’ve also heard from women callers, for example, that tell us how uncomfortable they feel if they find themselves in situations where they are surrounded by just men (think a random elevator stop, strangers sitting in a waiting room or meeting new coworkers or people at a party). If you find yourself being wary of others’ intentions toward you, know that you are not alone and what you feel is a completely normal reaction after surviving trauma. After all, you probably wouldn’t want to experience those feelings ever again! Remember to take it one day at the time. As your heart heals so will your ability to trust others. Don’t forget to be kind and patient with yourself while you become used to learning how to trust again. Flashbacks of the abuse: Many people who have experienced domestic violence report having flashbacks of the abuse they’ve endured. These flashbacks are triggered by no apparent reason and can feel very vivid and realistic, making the survivor relive the pain experienced from the abusive situation, which can leave you feeling confused, isolated and like there’s something wrong with your head. Flashbacks or recurring memories are a symptom of PTSD, which is a mental and physical reaction to a traumatic event. We know that many survivors of abuse experience Complex PTSD because of the repetitive nature of intimate partner violence. Not all treatments for PTSD work the same for everyone, so you might have to try a few different things to see what works best for you. According to Psychology Today, there are several medical treatments such as medication, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing to treat PTSD. Other practices such as meditation, yoga, mindfulness, positive affirmations, breathing exercises and maintaining a healthy lifestyle can also do wonders when trying to recover from an abusive relationship. Ruminating words, thoughts and events: Rumination is when you become fixated over a word, problem or event and play it in a continuous loop over and over in your head. When people ruminate the words said by an abusive partner or replay the mental images about the distress they suffered, they can become agitated, hopeless and depressed—which is a complete disservice to their own healing process. If you feel like ruminating, make sure to stop yourself in your tracks. Go for a walk, call a friend or do an activity that completely interferes with the urge to mentally repeat the offending words or events. It takes practice to stop ruminating, but remember to be patient and gentle with yourself. If you are able to stop ruminating words and problems, you may feel less anxious, worried and more open to healing the wounds left by the abuse and domestic violence. These are just some of the ways abuse and domestic violence can change a person, and as you can see, many of these changes are rooted in fear. And that is to be expected. Experiencing and surviving abuse can have such a profound impact on a person’s mind, body and soul. But there’s something quite unique about being broken: you are strong, resilient and one of a kind. (source) If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

26 Feb 202017min

Toriann Lawrence and Dan Moyle discuss the Healthy Relationships program Tori teaches in our schools and the Voices to End Violence campaign Dan helps with, with the goal to fund the program. Our mission with Voices to End Violence is to help create a world where all men and boys are loving and respectful, and all women and girls are valued and safe. Donate to Voices to End Violence here Voices to End Violence is YOU and other concerned men in the community!  It was born out of the belief that men have a crucial role to play in the movement to end violence that is impacting our daughters, sisters, mothers, partners and friends. By contributing $100 to this annual campaign, you help raise crucial dollars needed for educational, awareness and prevention initiatives in our communities.  As a VOICES contributor, you also are taking a public stand to end sexual assault and domestic/dating violence by agreeing to have your name published annually, in local newspapers. How You Can Help: Learn more about the Voices To End Violence Initiative. Add your name to the list of supporters and help end violence by making an annual $100 donation to the cause. Then invite 10 friends to join your VOICE. Ask your workplace to host a “VOICES Day.” Encourage staff to wear a purple ribbon, put up a purple ribbon display, invite Domestic And Sexual Abuse Services Prevention Educator to come into your work place and explain the dynamics of abuse. Believe survivors of sexual assault and domestic abuse. Survivors may face questions and collective minimizing from the people they tell. As an initial response, train yourself to believe first. Listen. Provide support. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

19 Feb 202012min

Deborah Hackworth, Interim Executive Director, and Toriann Lawrence, Child Advocate at DASAS, explore the origins of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (#TDVAM) and what DASAS does to help teach healthy relationships to young people. Links: Love is Respect Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month Tori's Survivor Story If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

12 Feb 202026min

Jen grew up in a supportive, loving home. And yet at 15 years old, she found herself in an abusive teenage relationship. Hear her story, how she got there, and how she became a survivor. "Let's say I went to Taco Bell with my friends after sporting event or something and I didn't tell him. Because you know that's just it's not something that crosses your mind to tell your boyfriend that you have to do. He would like very upset with me. And he would just accuse me of cheating on him and he would call me like really, really mean names..." If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

5 Feb 202022min

Both physical and sexual violence have been linked to a greater risk of adverse mental health outcomes among women. The most prevalent include depression, suicide attempts, post-traumatic stress disorder, other stress and anxiety disorders, sleeping or eating disorders and psychosomatic disorders. Physical and sexual abuse in childhood have also been associated with a host of subsequent risk behaviors, including early sexual activity; alcohol, tobacco and drug abuse; multiple sexual partners; choosing abusive partners later in life; and lower rates of contraceptive and condom use (21,29). Women who report a history of early sexual abuse often report feelings of worthlessness and difficulty distinguishing sexual from affectionate behavior, maintaining appropriate personal boundaries, and refusing unwanted sexual advances. Studies have consistently linked a history of child sexual abuse with a higher risk of experiencing sexual violence later in life. The DASAS team takes this subject on in today's episode. The abuse takes many forms, including: intimate partner violence (sometimes called domestic or family violence, or spousal abuse) which can be physical, sexual or emotional; dating violence; sexual violence (including rape) by strangers, acquaintances or partners; systematic rape during armed conflict; forced prostitution, trafficking or other forms of sexual exploitation; female genital mutilation (FGM) and other harmful traditional practices; dowry-related violence; forced marriage or cohabitation, including forced wife inheritance and ‘wife kidnapping’; femicide and the killing girls or women in the name of ‘honor’; female infanticide and deliberate neglect of girls. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

29 Jan 202022min

Elizabeth Alderson, therapist at DASAS, unpacks physical health effects survivors and victims, specifically women, face after physical abuse. Violence has immediate effects on women’s health, which in some cases, is fatal. Physical, mental and behavioral health consequences can also persist long after the violence has stopped. Violence against women and girls occurs in every country and culture, and is rooted in social and cultural attitudes and norms that privilege men over women and boys over girls. The abuse takes many forms, including: intimate partner violence (sometimes called domestic or family violence, or spousal abuse) which can be physical, sexual or emotional; dating violence; sexual violence (including rape) by strangers, acquaintances or partners; systematic rape during armed conflict; forced prostitution, trafficking or other forms of sexual exploitation; female genital mutilation (FGM) and other harmful traditional practices; dowry-related violence; forced marriage or cohabitation, including forced wife inheritance and ‘wife kidnapping’; femicide and the killing girls or women in the name of ‘honor’; female infanticide and deliberate neglect of girls. The health consequences of violence can be immediate and acute, long-lasting and chronic, and/or fatal. Research consistently finds that the more severe the abuse, the greater its impact on women’s physical and mental health. In addition, the negative health consequences can persist long after abuse has stopped. The consequences of violence tend to be more severe when women experience more than one type of violence (e.g. physical and sexual) and/or multiple incidents over time. If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org. Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here. Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

22 Jan 202018min