I Was Afraid of Losing Myself to Motherhood. I Found Myself Instead.

I Was Afraid of Losing Myself to Motherhood. I Found Myself Instead.

Elissa Strauss always knew she wanted to be a mother, but she also knew she didn’t want motherhood to take over her personality. After all, she had spent years as a blogger making fun of anyone who took motherhood too seriously. She bemoaned the natural birth movement and people who made “mom friends.” Then Elissa had a son, and her view of caretaking started to shift. “I had put so much energy into figuring out how not to lose myself to caregiving,” Elissa writes in her new book, “that I completely ignored the possibility that I might, in fact, find some of myself there.” In this episode, Anna and Elissa talk about why it feels uncool to talk about liking motherhood, the ways caretaking can take from us, but also how it can fill us up and engender “moral transformation.” Plus, the economics of care, and what really valuing care in society would look like. Elissa’s book is called When You Care: the Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others. She also wrote a piece last month in Slate called “It’s Weird Times to Be a Happy Mother.” Are you a paid caregiver? We want to hear from you for a future listener episode. Tell us some things you’ve taken away from the experience – wild stories, observations about class, lessons about the way you want your own loved ones to be cared for. Send us your thoughts and stories at deathsexmoney@slate.com. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Our Student Loan Secrets, Part 2

Our Student Loan Secrets, Part 2

Hundreds of you told us about feeling duped, overwhelmed, and ashamed of your student debt. But we also heard stories about how some of you took back control. Here's how you did it. Explore more than 4,000 of your stories about student loans, find out where you fit in the student loan landscape and get resources for dealing with your debt at deathsexmoney.org/studentloans. This week's newsletter includes updates on some of the people featured in today's episode. Subscribe at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter and we'll send you weekly audio picks, behind the scenes updates and letters from our listener inbox.  Follow the show on Twitter @deathsexmoney and Facebook at facebook.com/deathsexmoney. Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

26 Sep 201929min

Our Student Loan Secrets, Part 1

Our Student Loan Secrets, Part 1

More Americans are taking out more student loan debt and taking longer to pay it back. But we don't often talk about the impact that it has on our lives.  Explore more than 4,000 of your stories about student loans, find out where you fit in the student loan landscape and get resources for dealing with your debt at deathsexmoney.org/studentloans. This week's newsletter includes updates on some of the people featured in today's episode. Subscribe at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter and we'll send you weekly audio picks, behind the scenes updates and letters from our listener inbox.  Follow the show on Twitter @deathsexmoney and Facebook at facebook.com/deathsexmoney. Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

25 Sep 201936min

E. Jean Carroll: More Interesting, Not Damaged

E. Jean Carroll: More Interesting, Not Damaged

At 75, E. Jean Carroll is calling out the men who've sexually assaulted her—including, she says, the president. But talk to a therapist about it? No thanks. Sign up for our newsletter at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and every Wednesday we'll send you podcast listening recommendations, listener letters from our inbox and updates from the show. Follow our show on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @deathsexmoney. Got a story to share? Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org.  Support Death, Sex & Money today at deathsexmoney.org/donate. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

18 Sep 201933min

50 Years Married To A Man Named Sissy

50 Years Married To A Man Named Sissy

Vickie Goodwin tried to raise her husband's self esteem early in their marriage. But when he started cross dressing publicly, she struggled to accept that it was part of who he was.  Sign up for our newsletter at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and every Wednesday we'll send you podcast listening recommendations, listener letters from our inbox and updates from the show. Follow our show on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @deathsexmoney. Got a story to share? Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org.  Support Death, Sex & Money today at deathsexmoney.org/donate. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

11 Sep 201935min

Raphael Saadiq: Music Had To Be My Therapy

Raphael Saadiq: Music Had To Be My Therapy

Musical icon Raphael Saadiq talks to us about using music to cope with loss, reflecting on love, and creating light in darkness.  Listen to Anna's Spotify playlist of her favorite Raphael Saadiq songs and collaborations here. Sign up for our newsletter at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and every Wednesday we'll send you podcast listening recommendations, listener letters from our inbox and updates from the show. Follow our show on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @deathsexmoney. Got a story to share? Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org.  Support Death, Sex & Money today at deathsexmoney.org/donate. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

4 Sep 201927min

My Stillbirth During Anna's Maternity Leave

My Stillbirth During Anna's Maternity Leave

We hear from you often about pregnancy loss, and the grief that accompanies it. Here is one listener's story.  And if you've been through pregnancy or infant loss, check out our collaborative spreadsheet. It's a place where you can suggest the books, podcasts, songs and other things that have helped you grieve, and read through other listeners' suggestions as well.  Sign up for our newsletter at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and every Wednesday we'll send you podcast listening recommendations, listener letters from our inbox and updates from the show. Follow our show on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @deathsexmoney. Got a story to share? Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org.  Support Death, Sex & Money today at deathsexmoney.org/donate. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

28 Aug 201931min

How Are You "Surfing The Urge" To Drink?

How Are You "Surfing The Urge" To Drink?

This month, we've been talking about drinking, and asking you what you do when the impulse to drink hits⁠—and you don't want to indulge.  Sign up for our newsletter at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and every Wednesday we'll send you podcast listening recommendations, listener letters from our inbox and updates from the show. Follow our show on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @deathsexmoney. Got a story to share? Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org.  Support Death, Sex & Money today at deathsexmoney.org/donate. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

14 Aug 20197min

Michael Arceneaux On Love, Liquid Courage And Letting Go

Michael Arceneaux On Love, Liquid Courage And Letting Go

The writer talks about how alcohol has helped him let go of his inhibitions and embrace his sexuality—after growing up in a house where drinking often led to violence. In our last episode, we asked you about what you do when you're trying to cut back on drinking—and the desire for a drink hits. What do you do instead? Record a voice memo and send it in to deathsexmoney@wnyc.org.  Sign up for our newsletter at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter, and every Wednesday we'll send you podcast listening recommendations, listener letters from our inbox and updates from the show. Follow our show on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @deathsexmoney. Got a story to share? Email us any time at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org.  Support Death, Sex & Money today at deathsexmoney.org/donate. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

7 Aug 201927min

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