160: What If He Secretly Returns to Pornography? How She Can Know, And 5 Ways He Can Rebuild Security

160: What If He Secretly Returns to Pornography? How She Can Know, And 5 Ways He Can Rebuild Security

One of the biggest fears that women have in this process is that her husband will return to pornography since she won't know about it.

She’ll bring down her wall, start to trust him again, and then the other shoe will drop and she'll be devastated again.

How can she know if he is still stuck in his pattern?

If there’s been dishonesty in the past, how can she know if he is telling the truth or not now?

It's critical for a husband to demonstrate change in a way that helps her to believe him again.

It's very discouraging for him when he really is trying and is making progress, but no matter what he does he feels down when she doesn’t believe him.

In this episode I'll share how you can approach this together to help build security and confidence that things really are different as a result of the new actions he's taking.

For therapy with Sam:

I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and the root cause that started it.

If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully been able to quit, I’ll work with you 1-1 for free until you do.

Click here for info to work with me directly.

Join the free, private men’s community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support.

It's even better because it's not on Facebook anymore, it's on a much better platform that will facilitate a lot more support and help for men:

Join the Private Group Here

Get access to my trust building workshop:

Rebuild Trust Workshop

Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners?

Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

Avsnitt(211)

88. 2 Ways to Increase a Husband’s Compassion and Empathy in Marriage

88. 2 Ways to Increase a Husband’s Compassion and Empathy in Marriage

When a marriage is impacted by pornography addiction, it causes a lot of damage and pain. One of the most important things in the healing process is having compassion and empathy for a wife who has been impacted, but unfortunately having conversations where there is compassion and empathy can be difficult. It's easy for men to get stuck feeling shame and want to avoid these difficult conversations, but in this episode I share with you 2 specific ways you can approach hard conversations to allow compassion and empathy to naturally flow.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

14 Apr 202322min

87. How to Properly Disclose a Relapse (and Avoid a Fight)

87. How to Properly Disclose a Relapse (and Avoid a Fight)

On the path to overcoming a pornography addiction, there are often slips and relapses, and those conversations are painful to have. There is a clear, three-step framework I teach to clients to actually make those conversations feel productive and provide some hope about moving forward together despite the recent slip.  In this episode I share with you exactly how to have that conversation, which can actually bring you closer together if it's done correctly. If it's not done correctly, it will increase the distance, mistrust, and hurt feelings so using this framework can help you navigate this tough situation. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

6 Apr 202320min

86. 3 Ways To Improve Intimacy After Pornography Addiction

86. 3 Ways To Improve Intimacy After Pornography Addiction

Sexual intimacy is often times badly damaged after discovering a pornography addiction.  There are fears, feelings of inadequacy, triggers, and painful feeling that go along with intimacy as a result of pornography use. In this episode I'll share with you three ways you can improve your intimacy, how to handle triggers, and ways to have conversations together that actually are productive and bring some closure and reassurance. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

30 Mars 202324min

85. 3 Tools to Overcome Feelings of Unworthiness

85. 3 Tools to Overcome Feelings of Unworthiness

When overcoming a pornography addiction, many men experience feelings of unworthiness or some version of feeling not good enough, failure, bad, or defective.  Very often, a wife will experience unworthiness and not feeling good enough as a result of her husband’s addiction. Overcoming feelings of unworthiness is such a critical part of the healing process for people because these painful emotions often lead to a relapse, which fuels more feelings of unworthiness. In this episode I deep dive into three specific strategies you can use to help change this negative belief so you can feel more confident, experience your value, feel good about yourself, and move forward without slips.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

23 Mars 202327min

84. These Types of Boundaries Can Unintentionally Hurt Your Marriage

84. These Types of Boundaries Can Unintentionally Hurt Your Marriage

Creating boundaries in a marriage that's been affected by pornography addiction is a very common solution that offered.  I found that there are certain types of boundaries and the timing they are implemented can cause a detrimental effect on the health of a marriage unintentionally.  In this episode I share some principles to guide you as you are determining what boundaries to put in place and for how long you want them, and instead what to really be focusing on that get For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

9 Mars 202328min

83. How to Identify the Root Cause of Your Pornography Addiction

83. How to Identify the Root Cause of Your Pornography Addiction

When a man struggles with a pornography addiction, identifying the root cause in resolving it on that level is the most effective way to help him change and overcome the addiction. Without knowing what’s driving the addiction, and addressing the underlying problems, all of the traditional responses or coping strategies, like exercise, journaling, mindfulness, etc. won’t help somebody heal on a deeper level. In this episode, I share with you the exact framework I use to help people identify their root cause issues so you can listen to this and know how to find your own and take the steps necessary to resolve them. I. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

3 Mars 202324min

82. When She Feels Lots of Anger and Resentment

82. When She Feels Lots of Anger and Resentment

After there has been betrayal in a relationship due to a pornography addiction, it’s very common for a wife to experience a lot of anger and resentment.  There are 3 things that a husband can do to defuse and calm her anger in a way that helps her feel understood and comforted. In this episode, I share with you some powerful ways to approach the situation so a husband and wife can work together towards finding a resolution and ultimately healing their marriage and rebuilding trust.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

24 Feb 202330min

81. 3 Tools to Bounce Back Effectively After a Relapse

81. 3 Tools to Bounce Back Effectively After a Relapse

Relapses can be extremely discouraging both for the husband who is trying to overcome pornography, addiction, and for his wife.  In this episode, I share three specific things that you can do as a husband after a relapse in order to get back on track, effectively reengage in the process, and ultimately become more successful in avoiding slips in the future.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

19 Feb 202317min

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