Compare the Life of a Covert Narcissist With the Life of Their Victim (Special Throwback Episode)

Compare the Life of a Covert Narcissist With the Life of Their Victim (Special Throwback Episode)

Are you trying to decide if all you are going through is "normal," or if it is fair and reasonable?
In the last two episodes, I have talked about the codependency traits that so many victims have in common and the eternal victim role that covert narcissists play. These two things get trapped together so incredibly often.
On one side, you have a person who does no self-reflection, no self-improvement, and no internal work. Instead they express out all the ways they have been hurt in life. The abuse they suffered as a child. The mistreatment from parents, siblings, friends. The abuse they suffered from previous relationships, leaving them “broken” and insecure. The ways that everything you say hurts them, reminds them of their past abuse, resurfaces their hurt self. The eternal victim!
On the other side, you have a person who desires to care for others. To build other people up. To help others become the best they can be. To “fix” them. To save them. Willing to do the extra work. Willing to give the benefit of the doubt. To carry extra blame so the other person doesn’t have to. To carry your own load and half of theirs too. To look at your own smallest faults and blame these over the massive faults the other person displays. To hold yourself accountable for everything, while letting them off the hook for anything.
This is NOT a good combination! Works out great for the covert narcissist, who does none of the work and does anything they want all the time. It is horrible for their partner, who does all the work and never does anything they themselves want.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Your Body Knew Before You Did: Learning to Trust Yourself After Covert Narcissistic Abuse

Your Body Knew Before You Did: Learning to Trust Yourself After Covert Narcissistic Abuse

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The Moment Something Finally Clicked: Seeing Covert Narcissistic Abuse Clearly

The Moment Something Finally Clicked: Seeing Covert Narcissistic Abuse Clearly

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16 Apr 32min

Healthy Boundaries After Trauma: Why You Lost Yourself in Covert Narcissistic Dynamics (Barb Nangle Part 2)

Healthy Boundaries After Trauma: Why You Lost Yourself in Covert Narcissistic Dynamics (Barb Nangle Part 2)

Episode Notes This episode is part two of a special bonus series I’m sharing from another podcast that I think many of you will deeply connect with. The show is called Shit That Goes On in Our Heads, ...

15 Apr 40min

Why It Took You So Long to See It: Cognitive Dissonance in Covert Narcissistic Abuse

Why It Took You So Long to See It: Cognitive Dissonance in Covert Narcissistic Abuse

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why didn’t I see it sooner?” after being in a covert narcissistic relationship, you are not alone. The truth is, you didn’t miss the signs—your body was recognizing the...

12 Apr 21min

The Moment Connection Turns Into Correction: Covert Narcissism in Conversations

The Moment Connection Turns Into Correction: Covert Narcissism in Conversations

In this episode, we explore a subtle but deeply damaging communication pattern often seen in covert narcissism—when connection turns into correction. What starts as a normal, everyday conversation can...

9 Apr 22min

Codependency, Trauma, and Why Boundaries Change Everything: Barb Nangle (Part 1)

Codependency, Trauma, and Why Boundaries Change Everything: Barb Nangle (Part 1)

If you struggle with codependency, covert narcissism, or feeling stuck in one-sided relationships, this episode will help you understand why. If you’ve ever felt like your value came from taking care ...

7 Apr 45min

The Vampire Effect Part 2: Why You Feel Dead Inside (Covert Narcissistic Abuse)

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What if leaving the relationship doesn’t mean you’re free? In this episode, we continue The Vampire Effect series and explore what happens after prolonged exposure to covert narcissistic abuse—when yo...

5 Apr 23min

The Vampire Effect: How Covert Narcissists Slowly Drain You

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What if covert narcissistic abuse doesn’t feel like an attack… but like a slow drain? In this episode, we explore The Vampire Effect—a powerful metaphor that reveals how covert narcissists gradually c...

2 Apr 31min

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