121: Ian A. revisits

🔸 This is different. I try to make good on my commitment to followup with an exile, but that "shoveler" was from the wrong notes, wrong caller. Sorry, Ian. Still, Self is present & we make progress, but how many of us are in the room…?

🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
Ok I need a better note-taking system.

As a student, I see so much to unpack and review in this call...

Yes I had suspicions from the start when it seemed too easy to go to this exile. And then I talked too much, from naive optimism that maybe all was well. In hindsight, obviously, there was a lot I could have done differently there.

I didn’t feel like I had the right language or the freedom to say what I was seeing sooner. And perhaps my own parts are ashamed or resentful of what I am calling the “no problem” part.

But I did see it sooner, as “how does he feel?” was never answered straight, or in the use of “I think…”.

I was just winging it with the “go journal on it” suggestion. I didn’t know how else to work here. I could have gone direct access, etc, sooner.

Finally, thinking “should I just say what I see?” Cuz I feel like that’s the least I can do. ""If I fail as a 'practitioner', in that moment, I can at least be an honest witness.""

I'm praying we hear from Ian again, I want to get this right.

**UPDATE** He just texted me the list!

Here it is:

**Jibberish**

• - Excitement of death
• - Routine announcements
• - Routines
• - 10 year old being in routines
• - Being tired of excitements, all kinds
• - Never too late vs death
• - Never too late vs never trying
• - Excitement seeking and avoidance
• - Avoidance of bad experience, and good ones because the 10 year old felt inadequate
• - Being offered things and rejecting them, despite a fun excitement being involve

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