#93 - Relationship Compatibility: Finding Your Soulmate

#93 - Relationship Compatibility: Finding Your Soulmate

Am I in the "right" relationship? How do I find my soulmate? Are we truly compatible? Many people show up for dating coaching, life coaching or even marriage counseling with a lot of angst around these unanswered questions. People who are dating can wonder if they've found "the one." Premarital couples sometimes worry whether they're compatible enough to get married. And even married or long time partnered people can wonder if their relationship issues are due to their being too different. (Or having "perpetual problems" as marriage and family researcher Dr. John Gottman likes to call it). I'm simply glad that people are asking these kinds of relationship questions. After all, who you choose to marry is going to have a greater impact on the quality of your life and your long term happiness than just about anything else. And it's also true that everyone is a mixed bag, with aspects to them that are both delightful and frustrating as all get out. So how do you determine what is a relationship red flag, or sign that you're fundamentally incompatible? How to you figure out what differences are okay? When do opposites not just attract, but actually strengthen a partnership? When can you have big differences, and yet still be highly compatible soul mates? The answers might surprise you! On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to talk through all these questions with you. To do this though, I need to wear three hats. Relationship Compatibility in Marriage First, I'm going to put on my marriage counselor cape hat and talk about the most common culprits that make married couples wonder if they are compatible or not. Listen and learn what (frustrating!) differences might actually be strengths for your relationship, and what differences are harder to overcome. I'll also give you tips for how to build bridges to the center, and appreciate each other for who you are. Want to see an example of this in action? Check out my recent post: "How Jenny and Greg Fixed Their Relationship." Finding Your Soulmate Next I'm putting on my dating coach wizard hat to talk about the serious business of finding your soul mate. Dating is all about "auditioning" people and getting to know them over time. I'll share the down low on the biggest mistake I see dating people make, and how it can impair their ability to find a true soul mate. If you are on the dating market, I'll help you understand what's important to look for in a potential partner, and what is NOT as important when you're looking for love. I'm also sharing some practical steps you can take to make sure that you're finding a good match in terms of both character and chemistry. For Premarital Couples Lastly, I'm sharing my advice as a premarital counselor. If you're planning a wedding with some lingering questions on your mind, you'll want to check out the case example I shared about what it looks like when someone is NOT asking the right questions leading up to marriage. The best time to prevent potential pitfalls is before the wedding. It's essential to have serious conversations about your personalities, hopes and dreams, and expectations prior to the "I Do's." Why? First of all, it's enormously helpful to get on the same page and identify potential problems before you're married. But an even bigger reason? Because the one of the most serious red flags for a relationship is not being able to talk through important things respectfully. If you are literally not able to have "Who are we, what do we each want, and how are we going to get on the same page?" conversations together, you might want to slow down. Relationship Compatibility Test One of the resources I talked through on the show is Dr. Helen Fisher's personality test. If you would like to take it for yourself (and / or ask your partner to) you can find it here: http://bit.ly/2cOmEX6. For more information about the ideas behind Dr. Fisher's compatibility quiz and how they impact people in relationships, I highly recommend her book, "Why Him, Why Her." With love, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

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#393 - What to Do when Your Boss Is Toxic

#393 - What to Do when Your Boss Is Toxic

So, you've got a bad boss. If you're lucky, this will be your last... but unfortunately, toxic leadership is not unheard of. Knowing the signs of a toxic boss can help you protect yourself, manage yoru expectations, and move on to a better situation when the time is right.  A toxic boss can stimy your ability to do your best work, which will not only hold back the company, it can damage your career. They can foster work environments where people feel drained, resentful, or constantly at odds with their coworkers. And when it comes to your emotional wellbeing, working for a crappy boss can really take its toll.  But help is here! Today on the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast, we're talking about how to navigate a toxic boss and even use this difficult experience to propel your career forward.  You'll learn:  The signs of a toxic boss. How toxic leadership impacts you, your relationships with coworkers, and your ability to be successful in your career.   How to deal with a bad boss.  Growth opportunities that only come from working for a toxic manager.  All of that and more on today's show. I hope you'll join me! xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby  P.S. — I have a collection of articles and podcasts designed to help you thrive in your career. Check it out — I made it for you!

18 Mars 202446min

#392 — How to Forgive Your Partner

#392 — How to Forgive Your Partner

When you're hurt or angry with your partner, it's like the love in your heart is dimmed. You can't be open with your feelings when you're nursing emotional wounds. And it's hard to receive love until you're able to forgive your partner. But, emotional pain is always a component of long-term relationships. Part of giving your heart to someone is opening yourself up to the possibility of being hurt. This can happen in big ways — like infidelity, rejection, or abandonment. But it can also happen in small ways, like moments that left you feeling uncared for, unappreciated, or unloved. We all experience moments like these, and if we don't know how to process them, forgive, and move forward, they can damage the love we have for our partners.  So how can you forgive your partner? That's what we're talking about on today's episode of the podcast. You'll learn about how forgiveness works, what's holding you back from finding forgiveness, and how to not only "let it go," but how to use the repair process to build a deeper, more meaningful connection.  I hope you'll join me! xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby  P.S. — If you are struggling to forgive your partner, that's a sign that you could really benefit from working with a good couples counselor. Schedule a free consultation with an expert on my team at Growing Self: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/

11 Mars 202440min

#391 - How to Be 'Good with People'

#391 - How to Be 'Good with People'

Do you wish you were "good with people?" Many of us do! But we're not often taught the one skill that will not only help you connect with others, but also make you happier and more successful in every single area of your life: emotional intelligence, the key to love, happiness, and success.  Raising your emotional intelligence has all kinds of benefits, including increased:  Contentment Motivation Adaptibility Resilience Empathy for others Self-Awareness And, it will make every relationship in your life stronger. Truly, emotional intelligence is the secret sauce that makes you "good with people" — and so much more.  So, how can you increase your emotional intelligence? That's what we're talking about on today's episode! You'll learn all about emotional intelligence: what it is, how it helps you create the life you want, and the practical strategies that help you raise your emotional intelligence, no matter where you're starting from.  I hope you'll join me.  xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby  P.S. — I have therapists on my team who specialize in emotional intelligence coaching specifically. Start with a free consultation today: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/

4 Mars 202455min

#390 - Silencing Your Inner Critic

#390 - Silencing Your Inner Critic

Do you have a tough internal critic? When you are always talking to yourself in a negative, unkind way, it impacts how you feel about yourself, how you show up in your relationships with others, and how much resilience you have to achieve your goals.  Learning how to recognize your inner critic and talk back to it moves you forward. That's what we're talking about on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. You'll learn:  What the inner critic sounds like Where the inner critic comes from  How self-criticism impacts your confidence and self-esteem How to silence your inner critic How to develop an "inner champion" who encourages and supports you.  And more! I hope this episode helps you silence your inner critic and amplify your inner champion. Because you deserve a loving, supportive relationship with YOU! xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby  P.S. — Ready to conquer negative self-talk once and for all? Let's talk: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/

27 Feb 202431min

#389 - How to Stop Feeling Insecure

#389 - How to Stop Feeling Insecure

Are your insecurities holding you back?  We all have things that we feel insecure about, but many people feel trapped by shame and self doubt, or like they're never quite good enough. And this can create major problems. Unchecked insecurity can keep you from taking risks, achieving your potential, getting close to others, and enjoying your life.  A little insecurity can be healthy, leading to humility and an openness to the perspectives of others. True security doesn’t come from being perfect, it comes from accepting your imperfections and loving yourself regardless.  So how can you stop being insecure, and start building self-esteem and confidence? That's what we're talking about on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast.  I hope you'll join me! xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby  P.S. — The best way to address insecurity is by working with a good therapist or coach. Schedule your free consultation at Growing Self today.

19 Feb 202428min

#388 - How to Stop Walking on Eggshells in Your Relationship

#388 - How to Stop Walking on Eggshells in Your Relationship

Do you feel like you're always walking on eggshells around your partner? When you feel like you have to be extremely careful about what you say, otherwise your partner will blow up, get defensive, or feel hurt, something has to change. So what's your path forward? That's what we're talking about on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast.  You'll learn:  What causes us to walk on eggshells in a relationship Why this dynamic is bad for you, your partner, and your connection How to communicate in a way that minimizes defensiveness When it's time to get help for your relationship.  I hope this episode helps you reflect on why you're feeling like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner, and some strategies for building a relationship where you can be open and authentic — because that is what you deserve.  xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby  P.S. — This is a pattern that's best tackled with help from a relationship expert. Schedule your free consulation with a Growing Self couples counselor.

12 Feb 202438min

#387 - Navigating Your 20s with Jemma Sbeg

#387 - Navigating Your 20s with Jemma Sbeg

Ah, your 20s... a decade full of so much promise, potential, and radical growth. And yet, as a therapist and a life coach, I know that your 20s can also be uniquely difficult, especially when you expect that they're "supposed to be" the best years of your life!  Young adults have always been challenged to explore their identities, learn about the complexities of romantic relationships, and start establishing themselves professionally. But in 2024, they're also grappling with student debt, outrageous housing costs, the mental health minefield of social media, and the weirdness of online dating. It's a lot!  To help you unpack it all, I sat down with Jemma Sbeg, host of the fantastic podcast, "The Psychology of Your 20s." Jemma is offering up her perspective and tips for making the most of this weird and wonderful time of life. I hope you'll tune in, and that you'll find our conversation enlightening and helpful.  xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby  P.S. — If you want a personal growth expert to walk alongside you, whether you're in your 20s or not, schedule a free consultation.

5 Feb 202454min

#386 - Are You Stuck in a Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic? How to Break Free

#386 - Are You Stuck in a Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic? How to Break Free

As a couples counselor, I can tell you that one of the most pernicious and common relationship patterns that couples get stuck in is the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic. This happens when one partner handles conflict by approaching it head-on, and the other has a tendency to pull away, shut down, or withdraw.  The more the pursuer pursues, the more the withdrawer withdraws, and the pattern can become very intense and even a little scary. The pursuer may start getting emotionally elevated, raising their voice, or even physically following their partner from room to room. The withdrawer, meanwhile, feels totally overwhelmed and unable to engage the more their partner pursues them. Nothing gets resolved, and typically, neither partner is fully aware of their own role in perpetuating the dynamic. Luckily, this is one of those problems that is totally solvable with the help of a good marriage counselor. When you understand why this relationship pattern happens, what your role is in the dynamic, and what you can do instead, everything can shift. On today's episode of the podcast, we're exploring how to break the pursuer-distancer pattern and create a healthier relationship where you can both feel heard, understood, and most of all, emotionally safe.  I hope you'll join me!  xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby  P.S. — Listening to a podcast is a great starting point, but it's not enough to break a deeply entrenched pursuer-distancer pattern. If you would like to put a stop to this dynamic for good, schedule a free consultation with an expert couples counselor on my team.

30 Jan 202437min

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