#93 - Relationship Compatibility: Finding Your Soulmate

#93 - Relationship Compatibility: Finding Your Soulmate

Am I in the "right" relationship? How do I find my soulmate? Are we truly compatible? Many people show up for dating coaching, life coaching or even marriage counseling with a lot of angst around these unanswered questions. People who are dating can wonder if they've found "the one." Premarital couples sometimes worry whether they're compatible enough to get married. And even married or long time partnered people can wonder if their relationship issues are due to their being too different. (Or having "perpetual problems" as marriage and family researcher Dr. John Gottman likes to call it). I'm simply glad that people are asking these kinds of relationship questions. After all, who you choose to marry is going to have a greater impact on the quality of your life and your long term happiness than just about anything else. And it's also true that everyone is a mixed bag, with aspects to them that are both delightful and frustrating as all get out. So how do you determine what is a relationship red flag, or sign that you're fundamentally incompatible? How to you figure out what differences are okay? When do opposites not just attract, but actually strengthen a partnership? When can you have big differences, and yet still be highly compatible soul mates? The answers might surprise you! On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to talk through all these questions with you. To do this though, I need to wear three hats. Relationship Compatibility in Marriage First, I'm going to put on my marriage counselor cape hat and talk about the most common culprits that make married couples wonder if they are compatible or not. Listen and learn what (frustrating!) differences might actually be strengths for your relationship, and what differences are harder to overcome. I'll also give you tips for how to build bridges to the center, and appreciate each other for who you are. Want to see an example of this in action? Check out my recent post: "How Jenny and Greg Fixed Their Relationship." Finding Your Soulmate Next I'm putting on my dating coach wizard hat to talk about the serious business of finding your soul mate. Dating is all about "auditioning" people and getting to know them over time. I'll share the down low on the biggest mistake I see dating people make, and how it can impair their ability to find a true soul mate. If you are on the dating market, I'll help you understand what's important to look for in a potential partner, and what is NOT as important when you're looking for love. I'm also sharing some practical steps you can take to make sure that you're finding a good match in terms of both character and chemistry. For Premarital Couples Lastly, I'm sharing my advice as a premarital counselor. If you're planning a wedding with some lingering questions on your mind, you'll want to check out the case example I shared about what it looks like when someone is NOT asking the right questions leading up to marriage. The best time to prevent potential pitfalls is before the wedding. It's essential to have serious conversations about your personalities, hopes and dreams, and expectations prior to the "I Do's." Why? First of all, it's enormously helpful to get on the same page and identify potential problems before you're married. But an even bigger reason? Because the one of the most serious red flags for a relationship is not being able to talk through important things respectfully. If you are literally not able to have "Who are we, what do we each want, and how are we going to get on the same page?" conversations together, you might want to slow down. Relationship Compatibility Test One of the resources I talked through on the show is Dr. Helen Fisher's personality test. If you would like to take it for yourself (and / or ask your partner to) you can find it here: http://bit.ly/2cOmEX6. For more information about the ideas behind Dr. Fisher's compatibility quiz and how they impact people in relationships, I highly recommend her book, "Why Him, Why Her." With love, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

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#377 - Growing Closer: How to Build Emotional Intimacy

#377 - Growing Closer: How to Build Emotional Intimacy

Do you long for closer, more connected relationships? The key is emotional intimacy. But there are barriers to emotional intimacy that can keep you from forming the loving connections you crave. Learn how to address "intimacy issues," increate your capacity for intimacy within yourself, and build emotional intimacy in your most important relationships with others.  All of that and more on today's show. I hope you'll join me.  Love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. — If you want expert support for improving the emotional intimacy in your relationships, schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/

27 Nov 202353min

#376 - Communication Issues? What to Do!

#376 - Communication Issues? What to Do!

Are communication issues making your relationship feel hard? Most couples who arrive in couples counseling tell me that they want to improve communication in their relationships. The tricky part is knowing what's at the root of "communication issues," which can have so many causes, from people pleasing, to emotional reactivity, to defensiveness. Usually the answer is a combination.  If you would like a new perspective on communication challenges, this episode is for you. I hope you find it helpful.  Love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. — If you would like support from a good couples counselor to improve communciation in your relationship, schedule a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/

20 Nov 20231h 9min

#375 - What to Do When Your Partner Pulls Away

#375 - What to Do When Your Partner Pulls Away

Is your partner pulling away? It can be an unnerving experience, especially when you don't know why your partner seems checked out lately. But you can use this as an opportunity to gain clarity about how your partner is feeling in your relationship and start a conversation that brings you closer today.  Join me for a discussion all about what to do when your partner pulls away. You'll learn about some of the common reasons that people grow emotionally distant in their relationships, how to start the conversation, and how to address some of the root issues before they pose a threat to your relationship.  I hope you'll find it helpful.  Love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. — If you are ready to get support from a really good marriage counselor, schedule a free consultation with a Growing Self couples therapist: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/

13 Nov 20231h 2min

#374 - How to Develop a Secure Attachment Style

#374 - How to Develop a Secure Attachment Style

Having a secure attachment style allows you to feel close and connected to others, while keeping your emotional independence and sense of self firmly intact. But if you weren't lucky enough to develop a secure attachment style as a child, how can you become securely attached as an adult?  Luckily, there are some effective strategies for "earning" secure attachment, and this episode will show you the way. I am discussing the qualities of a securely attached person and the steps you can take to address your attachment patterns and gain connection and freedom.  With love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby  P.S. — If you would like support in becoming more securely attached, schedule a free consultation with an attachment-informed clinician on my team: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/

6 Nov 20231h 5min

#373 - Breaking Free from Old Relationship Patterns

#373 - Breaking Free from Old Relationship Patterns

Do you have habitual ways of showing up in your relationships that feel hard to change? We all do! Old relationship patterns are at the root of so many struggles, from dating emotionally unavailable partners, to feeling mistreated again and again. Getting clear about what your relationship patterns are is the first step in shifting them, so you can have a better experience and create the love and connection you deserve.  If you want to learn how to break free from old relationship patterns, this episode is for you! I hope you'll find it helpful.  Love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. — If you are interested in doing this work with a Growing Self clinician, start by scheduling a free consultation: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/

30 Okt 202350min

#372 - How to Stop Overthinking feat. Dr. John Delony

#372 - How to Stop Overthinking feat. Dr. John Delony

There are few things worse than wishing you could stop ruminating about the past or worrying about the future, and not knowing how. Rumination happens when our minds aren’t at peace with not having all the answers. You’ll chew on a painful memory, a lost relationship, or an uncertain future, trying to find solve the problem or find “the answer” that will make it all make sense.  Unfortunately, there is no benefit to rumination. It's not productive problem solving. All rumination does is add to your anxiety, drain your energy, and often, make you feel bad about yourself.  So, how can you put an end to the obsessive, repetitive thoughts? This on "How to Stop Ruminating" will help! My guest is Dr. John Delony, a mental health expert, author, and host of The Dr. John Delony Show. He’s sharing some of his top tips from his own research and life experience on how to stop ruminating, once and for all.  I hope you’ll join us! Xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com  Start your journey of growth today: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/

23 Okt 202359min

#371 - How to Get Out of Your Own Way

#371 - How to Get Out of Your Own Way

What’s standing in between you and your most important goals? It might not be what you think.  In this episode you'll learn about the hidden, inner obstacles that most of us face, and that can become barriers to our self actualization unless we know how to handle them. Today, you'll get insight into yourself, learn how to get out of your own way, and how to make the shifts that will help you create the love, happiness, and success that you deserve — with special guest, Dr. Sophie Mort.  I hope you’ll join us!  With love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com PS: I have SO much more support for your growth and personal evolution: tons of free resources, articles, and podcast playlists, all for you, on the blog at GrowingSelf.com

16 Okt 202352min

#370 - Low Sex Drive Ruining Your Relationship? What to do!

#370 - Low Sex Drive Ruining Your Relationship? What to do!

Is low sex drive ruining your relationship? All long term couples experience sexual dry spells, whether it's due to stress, hormonal changes, emotional disconnection, or simply being too tired to get frisky at the end of a long day (pro tip: sex does not have to happen at bed time!).  Luckily, it doesn't matter how often you're "doing it" — what matters is that you and your partner know how to navigate periods of low sex drive while keeping your relationship healthy and strong.  It's totally possible, and this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast will show you the way! My guests are Vanessa and Xander Marin, authors of "Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations that Will Transform Your Love Life." Vanessa is a sex therapist, and along with her partner Xander, she's sharing her top tips for keeping low sex drive from ruining your relationship — and for reigniting your sexual spark. I hope you'll join us! xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby https://www.growingself.com/  Ps: Ready to transform your relationship? Let's talk: https://www.growingself.com/schedule-free-consultation/  ------

9 Okt 202359min

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