#105 - Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, and Start Believing in Yourself Instead
Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby3 Juli 2017

#105 - Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, and Start Believing in Yourself Instead

Do you compare your life and your accomplishments to those of other people? In this day and age it's harder than ever to trust your own ideas, believe in yourself, and actualize a self-directed vision. Why? There are many forces at work in our culture that make us question whether we're measuring up. Not least of these is our consumption of social media -- the never-ending digital conveyor belt of information about all the amazing things our friends and acquaintances are doing with their lives, in vivid color. Vacations, milestones, weddings, births, and promotions are artfully showcased to enviable perfection. When you're constantly confronted with semi-histrionic proclamations about the magnificence of what other people are doing, your own life can feel less-than in comparison. (Listen to "Schadenfacebook" on The Hidden Brain Podcast.) But when you're measuring yourself by someone else's yardstick, it takes a toll. For starters, it creates anxiety and insecurity. It can also lead you to begin crafting your life to garner the approval and admiration of others. When that happens, you become disconnected from your vision, your truth, and your personal power. When the positive affirmation of other people starts to feel really important, it can lead to a downward spiral in your feelings of intrinsic self worth. What Happens When You Lose Yourself Becoming overly focused on how you compare to others makes you vulnerable to all sorts of problems. For example, you might find it increasingly hard to make decisions without second guessing yourself. It can feel hard to persist in the face of adversity when you're not certain about who you are, and what you want. When you need people to treat you a certain way so that you can feel okay about yourself, your relationships can suffer. You may feel increasingly out of touch with who you are, and what makes you authentically happy. Worst yet, being other-focused may lead you to (ironically) become less able to create the kind of successful life you want... leading to even more anxiety and dissatisfaction with your current reality, and more dependent on the opinions of others to feel okay about yourself. (Check out "Why Gen Y Millenials Are So Unhappy" on the Wait But Why blog.) Here's a poignant note on exactly this subject that I recently received from a listener of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: "Dear Dr. Lisa, Recently I am trying to consciously make time to work on building cognitive skills and self awareness with the tips and lessons you share in your classes, blogs and podcasts, and also from feedback I get from [the coach I'm working with @ Growing Self.] [Through my personal growth work] I found out that one of my unhealthy thinking habits is "comparing myself with others". I was comparing myself with my boyfriend, my friends, and this was so on "auto-pilot" most of the time, I wasn't even so aware about it. Since I could always easily find what I was lacking when I did comparisons, it brought me many problems. I was always lacking confidence, I was always seeing proof of my shortcomings and reasons about why I shouldn't/counldn't do something, and I always struggled with anxiety and uneasiness. It was most painful when I felt inferior than others in things I value most. (Being compassionate, intelligent etc.) Also, I realized that deep in my mind I used comparisons to feel good about myself, like comparing my achievements to others' and assuring myself that I'm doing great, which is maybe not so bad and what people naturally do, but it could make me feel guilty or empty at times. I was in this unhealthy, unhelpful place for a very long time. I'm still working on this, but I felt very liberated after I learned that these unhelpful thinking patterns can be shifted with effort to more productive ones, and that people have different natural talents and strengths and it's okay to accept myself as who I am. It was almost a surprise to know that there is actually a way to be happier. I would be interested if you could do a podcast or write an article about comparisons someday, if you have anything to share about this topic." Sincerely, - H How to Stop Comparing Yourself To Others, and Start Believing in Yourself Oh yes, dear H, I do. I have quite a lot to share on this topic, actually. In my day-to-day role as a therapist and life coach here at Growing Self, I talk to many, many people who express the same anxiety and heartache that you expressed in your letter. You would not believe how many gorgeous, healthy, blazingly intelligent, high achieving and objectively successful people feel the same way about themselves and their lives. No matter what they do, they harbor gnawing anxiety that it's not enough. Their accomplishments are quickly disregarded in favor of the next amazing thing they should be doing. Their feelings about themselves rise and fall based on what others think of them. And when they do experience inevitable disappointments and setbacks, they are vulnerable to depression. Not fun. So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to be tackling this subject. We're going to be talking all about the insidious emotional toll comparing yourself to others can take, and how to combat it by learning how to believe in yourself instead. We'll be talking about how to affirm yourself, trust in yourself, strengthen yourself, develop your self awareness, plug holes in your vulnerabilities, and be empowered to create a life that is genuinely meaningful and satisfying to you. Today's journey will begin by a little rock history lesson, featuring a band called Death. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

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#429: Can People Change? How To Help Someone Grow

#429: Can People Change? How To Help Someone Grow

Are You Exhausted Trying to Help Someone Who Won’t Change? Here’s What Actually Works! Have you ever bent over backward trying to help someone you love, only to feel like you’re getting nowhere? You’re not alone—and I’ve got good news: people can change. But here’s the kicker: they’ll only do it when it comes from within. In this episode, I’m breaking down the psychology of change, the stages people go through, and the surprising reason why trying to force change never works (spoiler alert: it usually backfires). You’ll also learn powerful, actionable strategies to: ✅ Set healthy boundaries (without guilt). ✅ Protect your emotional well-being (because you matter too!). ✅ Provide the kind of support that actually encourages growth. If you’re ready to stop feeling stuck and frustrated, and instead discover the most effective way to empower someone on their journey—this is for you. 🎧 Timestamps You’ll Love: 00:00 – Why It Feels Impossible to Change Someone Else 01:15 – Can People Really Change? (Yes, But Here’s the Secret) 03:45 – The Real Power of Intrinsic Motivation 06:20 – The Stages of Change: Where Your Loved One Might Be 12:40 – Setting Boundaries That Encourage Growth 18:55 – Avoiding the Trap of Enabling 23:15 – Free Tools to Help You and Your Loved One BONUS GOODIES! 👉 Want to help a loved one uncover what’s really holding them back? Share my free What’s Holding You Back? Quiz with them—it’s designed to uncover hidden obstacles, subconscious blocks, and personal strengths to help them move forward with confidence. 👉 Don’t miss this week’s YouTube Livestream: How to Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Help Themselves (Thursday, 12 pm MT). You can even submit an anonymous question ahead of time here: www.growingself.com/dear-lisa. This conversation could change everything. See you there! 🎥

25 Nov 202422min

#428: How to Keep Politics From Destroying Your Relationships

#428: How to Keep Politics From Destroying Your Relationships

Are political differences with people you love threatening to tear your relationships apart? You’re definitely not alone! Today, we’re diving deep into the delicate dance of keeping relationships healthy across political divides.  In this episode, I’m sharing the strategies to help you navigate tricky conversations with grace, keep your cool, and protect your own happiness along the way. By the end, you’ll know exactly how to preserve the connections you care about most, even when politics threaten to tear you apart. Stick around to the end—I’ve got some free resources to help you practice these skills and share them with your loved ones. Let’s jump in!   Timestamps: 00:00 - Are Political Differences Threatening Your Relationships?   04:22 - Assess the Importance of Each Relationship   07:32 - Radical Acceptance (It's Tough, But Worth It!)   11:12 - Emotional Regulation - How to Stay Cool   16:49 - Focus on the Positives (Yes, Really!)   23:09 - Set & Maintain Healthy Boundaries   32:18 - Advanced Skills: Radical Curiosity and Empathy   39:06 - Free Resources + Final Thoughts If you loved this episode, don’t miss the next video in this series! Let’s keep building those relationship skills. P.S. Need a little more support? Check out my free Communication That Connects 2-Part Video Series. Also, join me Thursday at 12 pm MT for a live session right here on YouTube on this very topic, how to navigate political differences in relationships. You can even submit an anonymous question right here.

18 Nov 202442min

#427: How to Fix a Broken Relationship

#427: How to Fix a Broken Relationship

Are you feeling stuck in a cycle of conflict and misunderstanding with your partner? You're not alone—and you're not powerless to fix it! In today’s episode, I’m breaking down how to fix a broken relationship by exploring the underlying patterns that keep couples locked in negative cycles. Plus, I’ll share my own story (yes, I’ve been there too) and reveal the key strategies and mindset shifts that can help bring you and your partner back together. If you’ve been trying to make things better but feel like you’re swimming against the tide, tune in for some essential insights and actionable steps to get your relationship back on track In this video, we’ll cover: 0:32 – The Toxic Spiral of Negative Communication   3:15 – Uncovering the Hidden Patterns   6:48 – How Negative Cycles Shape Perception   10:25 – Breaking Free and Finding Real Solutions   15:45 – When to Seek Help   Want more guidance on fixing your relationship? Check out my free resource, How Healthy Is Your Relationship Quiz. Using this quiz, you’ll be able to decipher strengths and growth points in your relationship.  If you want to ask me a question about your relationship, join me this Thursday at 12 pm MT on YouTube for my Livestream about how to fix a broken relationship. Submit your question anonymously here: https://www.growingself.com/dear-lisa. See you there!

11 Nov 202445min

#426 How to Deal With Disappointment

#426 How to Deal With Disappointment

"This wasn't supposed to happen!" Have you ever felt life throw you a curveball so big it knocked you flat? It’s that gut-punch moment when plans unravel, your candidate didn't win, dreams dissolve, and you’re left wondering, “Now what?” In this episode, I’ll take you through the tools and mindset shifts needed to transform disappointment into personal growth. We’ll talk about the power of radical acceptance, why it’s okay to feel all the feels, and how to find the hidden opportunities in setbacks. Timestamps:   00:00 Intro: Life’s Unexpected Curveballs   01:22 Embracing Disappointment: Feel All the Emotions   05:46 Finding the Lesson in Loss   15:23 Radical Acceptance and Moving Forward   18:36 Steer Clear of Destructive Reactions   21:16 What Does This Make Possible? 24:15 Conclusion and Free Resources   PS: Get free access to my Emotional Wellness Collection, a personally curated podcast and blog collection designed to help you grow and stay well emotionally.  Also, don’t miss our live Q&A this Thursday at 12 PM MT on YouTube, where we’ll dive even deeper into this topic. Submit an anonymous question in advance here: https://www.growingself.com/dear-lisa See you there!

4 Nov 202437min

425: Intuition? Or Anxiety? How to tell the difference!

425: Intuition? Or Anxiety? How to tell the difference!

How strong is your intuition? Do you trust your inner wisdom? More importantly… can you tell the difference between intuitive thoughts and anxiety? Today you’re going to learn how to trust your gut!  In this episode, I’m thrilled to sit down with Brittney Carmichael, intuitive healer and founder of Shine School, as we dig into how to tell the difference between intuition and anxiety, the subtle cues of inner wisdom, and ways to strengthen this instinct into a true superpower. Whether you’re an intuitive veteran or someone just starting to listen to that quiet inner voice, this conversation will give you the practical tools you need to better understand, trust, and strengthen your intuitive thought. Timestamps: 00:00 - Intro: Intuition or Anxiety? 02:23 - Intuition vs. Fear: Brittany’s Insights 05:14 - Building Intuitive Strength  10:39 - Brittany’s Journey to Inner Wisdom 20:24 - Understanding Your Inner Voice 29:54 - Self-Love as a Foundation for Intuition 33:02 - Power of Positive Self-Talk 49:17 - How to Trust Your Inner Wisdom *P.S.* Want to dig even deeper? Take the free "What's Holding You Back?" quiz and get clarity on what might be standing in your way. Plus, join me for this week’s Livestream Q&A on Intuitive Thought, Thursday at 12 pm MT,on Instragram, Facebook, or Youtube. Submit an anonymous question in advance here: https://www.growingself.com/dear-lisa.

28 Okt 202453min

#424 How To Reparent Yourself, with Dr. Dan Siegel

#424 How To Reparent Yourself, with Dr. Dan Siegel

Ever feel like the love, support, or security you needed growing up was just… missing? And now, you’re feeling the effects in your relationships, your self-esteem, or even your ability to create the life you *really* want? If this hits home, don’t worry—you’re not stuck!  This week I’m joined by THE legendary Dr. Dan Siegel, and we’re diving deep into the powerful process of reparenting yourself. Together, we’re going to show you how to rewire your brain for emotional healing, break free from past patterns, and build healthy, fulfilling relationships. ✨ In this episode, you’ll learn: - How childhood experiences shape your adult life (but don’t define it!) - The healing power of contingent communication in relationships - Practical strategies like the *Wheel of Awareness* for personal growth - The importance of presence over perfection in parenting—and in life! Chapters: 00:00 Introduction to Emotional Healing 02:41 The Importance of Childhood Development 06:29 Understanding Contingent Communication 13:55 The Impact of Early Experiences on Adult Life 14:31 Healing from the Past 20:12 Developing Healthier Relationship Patterns 21:19 Understanding Temperament and Personality 23:35 The Enneagram and Attachment Insecurity (Really!) 27:09 Practical Techniques for Personal Growth 30:25 The Role of Agency, Bonding, and Certainty 35:33 Achieving Wholeness and Integration 38:26 Resources and Final Thoughts 🌟 Want more? Grab this free resource I created for you: a curated collection of all my best articles and podcasts on attachment, emotional healing, and healthy relationships at https://www.growingself.com/connections/. And… drumroll please! Join me for this week’s live Q&A on Thursday at 12 pm MT on Youtube, Instagram, and/or Facebook where I’ll be talking about emotional healing and reparenting yourself! Got a question? Ask me anonymously in advance using this link: https://www.growingself.com/dear-lisa   Let’s grow together! 🌱   Love,   Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

21 Okt 202453min

#423 How to Handle Toxic Friends, with Dr. Marisa Franco

#423 How to Handle Toxic Friends, with Dr. Marisa Franco

Ever feel like your friendship is taking more out of you than it gives? If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in a relationship that feels draining, toxic, or just plain bad, you’re in the right place. In this episode of Love, Happiness & Success, I’m sitting down with Dr. Marisa Franco, a brilliant psychologist and bestselling author of Platonic, to talk about one of the toughest aspects of relationships—knowing when a friendship is no longer serving you. Together, we’ll dive into the signs of toxic friends, how attachment styles play a role in our friendships, and whether or not these kinds of relationships can be saved. You’ll learn practical strategies to spot the red flags, approach difficult conversations with kindness and clarity, and—if it comes to it—find the courage to end friendships that have run their course. Here’s what we cover: [00:00] The Friendship Trap: Why difficult friendships are harder to leave than romantic ones. [03:57] Attachment Styles in Friendships: How your past impacts your present friendships. [11:40] Making Positive Changes: How to recognize toxic patterns and start healing. [17:34] Conflict or Goodbye? How to assess if this friendship can be saved. [28:21] Deciding to End a Friendship: When enough is enough, and how to let go with grace. If you’ve ever wondered whether a friendship is worth fighting for or it’s time to walk away, this episode is for you. Ready to dig deeper? Take my free self-esteem quiz to see how your self-worth might be impacting your relationships: How Healthy is Your Self-Esteem? Also, I’d love for you to join me for this week’s YouTube Livestream on Thursday at 12 pm MT, where we’ll talk even more about navigating toxic friendships. Submit an anonymous question in advance right here: Dear Lisa. I’ll see you there! — Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

15 Okt 202449min

Does Your Therapist Talk About THEMSELVES Too Much??

Does Your Therapist Talk About THEMSELVES Too Much??

Does your therapist talk too much about themselves during YOUR sessions? This is a common issue, and it can really get in the way of your work. They’re on your dime, and your time with them should be all about you—not an outlet for them. Frankly, knowing too much about your therapist can even be a barrier to positive outcomes. The reality is, we therapists are human, and we have our own personal and professional growth trajectories. That’s why I’ve created a new side project: Love, Happiness, and Success for Therapists. In one of my latest episodes, I had a big sister-style heart-to-heart with therapists about how to contain their own "stuff"—because if we don’t, it can splash onto our clients. And I wanted to share this episode with you so you could share it with them. Here ya go: https://www.growingself.com/self-disclosure-in-therapy-how-much-is-too-much/ Use it as a way to start a courageous conversation with your therapist about what you need, what you want, and what’s working—or not working—in your relationship. Plus, you’ll be providing them with a resource that supports their growth. Win, win, win! If you’re a therapist reading this, I have so much for you! Connect with me at growingself.com/therapists to access this episode and many more on how to flourish and thrive in this career we all love. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

10 Okt 20241min

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