#105 - Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, and Start Believing in Yourself Instead
Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby3 Juli 2017

#105 - Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, and Start Believing in Yourself Instead

Do you compare your life and your accomplishments to those of other people? In this day and age it's harder than ever to trust your own ideas, believe in yourself, and actualize a self-directed vision. Why? There are many forces at work in our culture that make us question whether we're measuring up. Not least of these is our consumption of social media -- the never-ending digital conveyor belt of information about all the amazing things our friends and acquaintances are doing with their lives, in vivid color. Vacations, milestones, weddings, births, and promotions are artfully showcased to enviable perfection. When you're constantly confronted with semi-histrionic proclamations about the magnificence of what other people are doing, your own life can feel less-than in comparison. (Listen to "Schadenfacebook" on The Hidden Brain Podcast.) But when you're measuring yourself by someone else's yardstick, it takes a toll. For starters, it creates anxiety and insecurity. It can also lead you to begin crafting your life to garner the approval and admiration of others. When that happens, you become disconnected from your vision, your truth, and your personal power. When the positive affirmation of other people starts to feel really important, it can lead to a downward spiral in your feelings of intrinsic self worth. What Happens When You Lose Yourself Becoming overly focused on how you compare to others makes you vulnerable to all sorts of problems. For example, you might find it increasingly hard to make decisions without second guessing yourself. It can feel hard to persist in the face of adversity when you're not certain about who you are, and what you want. When you need people to treat you a certain way so that you can feel okay about yourself, your relationships can suffer. You may feel increasingly out of touch with who you are, and what makes you authentically happy. Worst yet, being other-focused may lead you to (ironically) become less able to create the kind of successful life you want... leading to even more anxiety and dissatisfaction with your current reality, and more dependent on the opinions of others to feel okay about yourself. (Check out "Why Gen Y Millenials Are So Unhappy" on the Wait But Why blog.) Here's a poignant note on exactly this subject that I recently received from a listener of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: "Dear Dr. Lisa, Recently I am trying to consciously make time to work on building cognitive skills and self awareness with the tips and lessons you share in your classes, blogs and podcasts, and also from feedback I get from [the coach I'm working with @ Growing Self.] [Through my personal growth work] I found out that one of my unhealthy thinking habits is "comparing myself with others". I was comparing myself with my boyfriend, my friends, and this was so on "auto-pilot" most of the time, I wasn't even so aware about it. Since I could always easily find what I was lacking when I did comparisons, it brought me many problems. I was always lacking confidence, I was always seeing proof of my shortcomings and reasons about why I shouldn't/counldn't do something, and I always struggled with anxiety and uneasiness. It was most painful when I felt inferior than others in things I value most. (Being compassionate, intelligent etc.) Also, I realized that deep in my mind I used comparisons to feel good about myself, like comparing my achievements to others' and assuring myself that I'm doing great, which is maybe not so bad and what people naturally do, but it could make me feel guilty or empty at times. I was in this unhealthy, unhelpful place for a very long time. I'm still working on this, but I felt very liberated after I learned that these unhelpful thinking patterns can be shifted with effort to more productive ones, and that people have different natural talents and strengths and it's okay to accept myself as who I am. It was almost a surprise to know that there is actually a way to be happier. I would be interested if you could do a podcast or write an article about comparisons someday, if you have anything to share about this topic." Sincerely, - H How to Stop Comparing Yourself To Others, and Start Believing in Yourself Oh yes, dear H, I do. I have quite a lot to share on this topic, actually. In my day-to-day role as a therapist and life coach here at Growing Self, I talk to many, many people who express the same anxiety and heartache that you expressed in your letter. You would not believe how many gorgeous, healthy, blazingly intelligent, high achieving and objectively successful people feel the same way about themselves and their lives. No matter what they do, they harbor gnawing anxiety that it's not enough. Their accomplishments are quickly disregarded in favor of the next amazing thing they should be doing. Their feelings about themselves rise and fall based on what others think of them. And when they do experience inevitable disappointments and setbacks, they are vulnerable to depression. Not fun. So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to be tackling this subject. We're going to be talking all about the insidious emotional toll comparing yourself to others can take, and how to combat it by learning how to believe in yourself instead. We'll be talking about how to affirm yourself, trust in yourself, strengthen yourself, develop your self awareness, plug holes in your vulnerabilities, and be empowered to create a life that is genuinely meaningful and satisfying to you. Today's journey will begin by a little rock history lesson, featuring a band called Death. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

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#414: How to Control Anger in a Relationship

#414: How to Control Anger in a Relationship

Anger can destroy a relationship, but it can also be the doorway to deeper connections and the emotional intimacy you want and deserve.  In this episode of 'Love, Happiness, and Success,' we’re not just talking about managing anger in relationships—we’re transforming it into a tool for deepening emotional intimacy and strengthening your connection. Join me, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, as we explore the roots of anger, its impact, and practical strategies to use it constructively. Learn how to manage anger, communicate effectively, build emotional intelligence, and turn conflict into meaningful connection. Plus, I’ve got some incredible free resources for you! 00:00 Introduction  01:58 Roots of Anger  08:36 Communication Strategies  18:23 Problem Solving & Emotional Intelligence  28:34 Free Resources & Final Thoughts   Ready to transform your relationship? Tune in now! 💬❤️ #LoveHappinessSuccess #EmotionalIntimacy #RelationshipGoals #TransformYourLove Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby   PS: Grab that FREE two part “Communication That Connects”  training right here!  P.P.S. I’m going LIVE this Thursday to answer your relationship questions. Want to submit your question in advance and/or get a recap of this video? Here’s the link: https://www.growingself.com/dear-lisa Otherwise, set a reminder and I’ll see you soon!

12 Aug 202435min

#413: Trapped in a Job By "Golden Handcuffs?" How to Break Free....

#413: Trapped in a Job By "Golden Handcuffs?" How to Break Free....

Feeling trapped in a high-paying job you hate? 😔💸 Welcome to the golden handcuffs dilemma, where financial success comes at the expense of your happiness and mental well-being.  In today's episode, we dive deep into the emotional and practical challenges of breaking free from a lucrative but unfulfilling career. You'll learn how to reclaim your freedom, reignite your passion, and find true fulfillment without sacrificing financial security. 🚀✨  Specifically, we’re discussing:  00:00 Breaking the Chains: Intro to Escaping Golden Handcuffs 00:20 The Golden Cage: Understanding Why High Pay Can Trap You 05:08 Real Stories, Real Struggles: Listener Questions and Insights 08:02 The Silent Suffering: Emotional and Psychological Costs 14:26 Conquering Fears: How to Tackle Anxiety and Doubt 32:06 Roadmap to Freedom: Practical Steps for a Career Transition 46:36 Your Next Chapter: Actionable Takeaways and Final Thoughts  It's time to escape the golden cage and design a life that truly makes you happy! Don't miss this transformative journey—hit play now! 🎥🔓 #GoldenHandcuffs #CareerChange #FindYourPassion #WorkLifeBalance   Xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com    P.S. Want MORE expert career advice to help you move forward with clarity and confidence? I have so much for you! Sign up to get access to my ENTIRE “Career Clarity” content collection, full of articles and a curated podcast playlist featuring the best advice from the world-class career counselors of Growing Self. Totally free, all for you! Get it here...

5 Aug 202445min

#412: Want To Improve Your Relationship FAST? TRY THIS!

#412: Want To Improve Your Relationship FAST? TRY THIS!

7 WEIRD Things That Will Improve Your Relationship Are you wondering, "How can I improve my relationship?" 🤔 You're in the right place! In this episode of "Love, Happiness, and Success," I’m sharing the most surprising and counterintuitive tips to dramatically enhance your relationship. From giving each other more space to embracing healthy anxiety, these strategies are strange - but they are based on research… and they are game-changers! 🌟 What we’re discussing:  00:00 Introduction: Improving Your Relationship  02:00 Counterintuitive Tip #1: Give Each Other Space  04:07 Counterintuitive Tip #2: Embrace Healthy Anxiety  05:53 Counterintuitive Tip #3: Embrace the Daily Grind  07:45 Counterintuitive Tip #4: Focus on Yourself  11:58 Counterintuitive Tip #5: Prioritize Sexuality  14:30 Additional Tips: Shared Mission and Empathy  17:20 Be an Activist for Your Relationship  21:18 Conclusion and Free Resources 🔗 But wait, there’s more! Join my community and start transforming your relationship today! 👉 FREE Communication Skills Training: Master the art of healthy communication and avoid common pitfalls with my 100% free two-part communication skills training, which Includes a 30-page workbook packed with exercises to help you and your partner connect on a deeper level. Sign up for FREE right now at https://www.growingself.com/communication. 👉 Book a Free Consultation: Ready for personalized help? Schedule a free consultation with one of our expert relationship coaches. We’re here to support you every step of the way. Visit growingself.com to book your first meeting, to discuss your hopes and goals for your relationship and how we can help. 📅 Live Stream: Have questions or need advice? Just want to say hi? I’m here! Join me for a live stream this Thursday (and every Thursday) at 12 p.m. Mountain, 2 p.m. Eastern. Submit your questions in advance at https://www.growingself.com/dear-lisa and get personalized tips to improve your relationship. Let's create love, happiness, and success together! 💖✨ #HowToImproveYourRelationship #RelationshipAdvice #LoveHappinessSuccess #DrLisaMarieBobby #GrowingSelf #CouplesCounseling #RelationshipTips #HealthyRelationships #FreeCommunicationTraining #RelationshipCoaching After you tune in and learn about these WEIRD strategie to improve your relationship, be sure to let me know in the comments which strategy you'll try first! (Or which one you’ll NEVER do - it’s all good! I’d also love to hear how this goes for you. Stay in tuch with me!  Don't forget to like, share, and subscribe! 💬💞 Xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com

29 Juli 202431min

#411: Did You Marry The Wrong Person?? How to Tell...

#411: Did You Marry The Wrong Person?? How to Tell...

Was your marriage a MISTAKE? Today we’re diving into a question I hear a lot: "Did I marry the wrong person?" If your relationship feels hard and you're starting to wonder if you made the right choice, you’re in the right place. We’ll tackle four essential areas to help you gain clarity: compatibility, communication, alignment, and growth opportunities. By the end of this episode, you’ll have some fresh ideas, free resources, and a clear plan to create positive change, whether with your partner or on your own. Specifically, we’re discussing: 0:00 Introduction: Are You Married to the Wrong Person? 00:39 Understanding Relationship Challenges 06:46 The Importance of Compatibility 14:02 Communication: The Key to Connection 17:46 Emotional Connection and Alignment 22:27 Steps to Clarity and Growth 29:03 Discernment Counseling: Finding the Right Path 33:21 Free Resources and Final Thoughts Thanks for tuning in!  Until next week, take care — and keep growing. Xo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S.To take advantage of that free two-part communication skills training I mentioned in this episode, head over to growingself.com/communication. P.P.S. And don’t forget, if you’re listening to this the week it’s released, join me this Thursday at 12 PM Mountain, 2 PM Eastern on Instagram and YouTube for a live stream where I’ll be answering your questions about whether you married the wrong person. Submit your questions in advance at growingself.com/dear-lisa.

22 Juli 202441min

#410: It's Okay to Be AMAZING! How to Stop Playing Small...

#410: It's Okay to Be AMAZING! How to Stop Playing Small...

🔥 STOP PLAYING SMALL! 🔥 Discover the secrets to growing more confident and comfortable with putting yourself out there. 🌟 Are you constantly minimizing yourself, feeling guilty for setting boundaries, or believing that good things are meant for others but not for you? If so, it's time to break free from these limiting beliefs and start living unapologetically! In this powerful episode, we dive deep into why we play small and how to overcome it, empowering you to step into your greatness. Today I'm sharing actionable strategies and inspiring insights to help you become your own hero. Whether it's in your relationships, career, or personal growth, it's crucial to stop playing small and start believing in your worth. Today's episode will help you do that! 💪✨ Xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com PS: Is this an issue for you? Want to talk about it?? Join me on this week’s livestream to share your story and get advice for how to STOP feeling guilty about being your awesome self. Jump in at 12 pm MT on 7/18, or submit your question in advance here: https://www.growingself.com/dear-lisa #StopPlayingSmall #SelfEmpowerment #Confidence #SelfLove #PersonalGrowth #GrowingSelf     Timestamps / Chapters 02:15 – Signs You’re Playing Small 10:45 – Overcoming Limiting Beliefs 20:30 – Strategies for Self-Empowerment 30:00 – Free Resources and Next Steps

15 Juli 202439min

#409: Feeling Unheard in a Relationship? Try This!

#409: Feeling Unheard in a Relationship? Try This!

One of my listeners wrote in saying, "Dear Lisa,  https://www.growingself.com/feeling-unheard-in-relationship right now. I try to talk about how I feel, but I'm just not getting through. It seems like my partner is either not hearing me or not understanding me, and I feel so lonely. How do I change this situation?" Honestly: This is one of the most common issues I hear about as a marriage counselor. In today’s podcast, I’m diving into why you might feel unheard in your relationship and sharing practical strategies to change that dynamic. If this resonates with you, stick around because here’s what you’ll learn today: The common reasons behind feeling unheard. The impact of emotionally invalidating communication. How to engage in communication that fosters emotional intimacy. Practical tips and strategies to improve listening and being heard. For even more insights, read the full article here. 💬 Also, Join the Conversation! Let's talk about YOU! 💬 I’m hosting a live Q&A session every Thursday at 12 PM Mountain (2 PM Eastern) where I'll answer your questions about feeling heard in your relationship. Join me live on YouTube, Facebook, or Instagram. You can submit your questions in advance here: https://www.growingself.com/dear-lisa 📘 Free Resource Alert! 📘 As I discussed in this episode, to help you even more, I’ve created a free two-part training series called “Communication that Connects.” This series includes: Two 45-minute training sessions A 30-page workbook filled with exercises and activities Sign up for FREE at growingself.com/communication I made this for you! Thank you so much for tuning in today. If you found this episode helpful, don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe. I look forward to helping you create more love, happiness, and success in your life! xo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

8 Juli 202435min

#408 — Are You In an Enmeshed Relationship? What to Do!

#408 — Are You In an Enmeshed Relationship? What to Do!

Is your relationship emotionally enmeshed? If it is... you probably don't realize it! So how can you know? And what can you do about it? Tune into this one to find out! On this episode, we're talking about what emotional enmeshment is, and how you can untangle your heart strings and create a better relationship in the process.  When couples are struggling with communication or conflict, emotional enmeshment is often the root issue. Once you address the enmeshment, your entire relationship can feel lighter and more enjoyable. But first you have to recognize enmeshment for what it is, and this episode will show you the way! Tune in to learn:  What an emotionally enmeshed relationship looks like (the answer may surprise you!) The difference between emotional enmeshment and emotional intimacy Why emotional enmeshment is a big problem in relationships How to fix an enmeshed relationship and build a healthier connection. And more!  If you're wondering about enmeshment in your relationship, you can take my free "How Healthy Is Your Relationship Quiz" and learn more: https://www.growingself.com/relationship-quiz/  I hope you'll join me! xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby  P.S. There is NO Thursday live stream on this topic this week. But I'll be back LIVE on Thursday 7/11 to address your questions about next week's podcast topic: What to do if you're feeling unheard in your relationship. Have questions already? Let me know and we'll discuss IRL on 7/11!

1 Juli 202444min

#407: Love on the LOOSE: How to have a great time traveling with (or without) your partner.

#407: Love on the LOOSE: How to have a great time traveling with (or without) your partner.

Traveling with your partner can be so fun, but it can also be stressful and lead to conflict. Whether you're wondering why vacations sometimes lead to arguments or how to navigate different travel styles, this episode is packed with insights and practical strategies to help you have a great time adventuring with your partner — or apart! Main Takeaways: Understand the common conflicts that arise on trips and how to address them constructively. Learn how to appreciate and respect your partner's travel preferences. Discover how to plan trips that satisfy both you and your partner. Explore the benefits of solo travel for a healthy relationship. Gain tools to turn travel challenges into opportunities for growth and connection. Tune in, learn, and let's make your next trip the best one yet. xo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com PS: After listening, I invite you to join the conversation live this Thursday at 12 PM Mountain Time (2 PM Eastern) on YouTube, Instagram, and Facebook. Bring your questions about travel and relationships, and let's dive deeper into creating harmony and fun in your journeys together. Submit your questions in advance at growingself.com/dear-lisa and get reminders about the live stream so you won't miss a thing. If you can't make it, you can check out the recap at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2y1LGVrpRfY&t=687s

24 Juni 202440min

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