#105 - Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, and Start Believing in Yourself Instead

Help For Your Relationship I've spent a decade as a Denver marriage counselor -- and I've been married for nearly twenty years myself. I've learned a thing or two about relationships, along the way. I frequently have people email me with various relationship dilemmas, and I've had listeners of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast from all over the world get in touch with me regarding their relationship questions. I thought I'd address a few of them on today's podcast. Advice From A Marriage Counselor: Your Relationship Questions, Answered. "How do I bring up delicate topics with my partner? (Like their bad breath, or their weight?)" "What do I do if I don't like my partner's friends?" "How important is it for me to feel 'butterflies' for my partner? If I don't, is there a problem?" "How fast should relationships move, in the beginning?" "What's a warning sign of a toxic relationship?" "What do I do if I want to move forward, but my partner doesn't?" I'll be discussing all these questions, and more, on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Are there questions that you have? Let me know, either in the comments below or by contacting me through my website: www.growingself.com I'll be glad to answer them in an article, on an upcoming podcast! xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Listen Now. (Music Credits: The Last Shadow Puppets, "My Mistakes Were Made For You.")

21 Sep 201545min

Every good life coach and therapist knows that, for many of our clients, finding forgiveness can be an incredibly important and powerfully healing part of the personal transformation process. This is true for both individuals, and for relationships. Holding on to anger -- either towards yourself or someone else -- will only hold you back, and create more problems for you. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're going there. I'll be talking about how to release anger, find forgiveness... and set yourself free. Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com   (Music Credits: "The Fog," by The Amazing)

31 Aug 201539min

How to Make Your Blended Family Work Despite the best of intentions, some marriages just don't work out. Many, if not most, people do go on to find love again, and eventually remarry. It's not uncommon at all for second marriages to involve children from previous relationships, creating step-families or "blended families." Here's the deal: You can fall in love with your dream-partner, and have an amazing relationship. You can laugh, be best friends, be romantically compatible, love all the same things, communicate beautifully... and still have an extremely difficult time weathering the ups and downs of (normal and expected) blended family problems. I say "normal and expected" because there is always friction as people are learning how to live with each other and love each other. Blended families have more friction because they involve more people. Sometimes, it's a lot of friction before you get things worked out. In fact, most couples are absolutely shocked at just how hard the experience of creating a blended family can be.  Furthermore, it's really almost impossible to know, in advance of your remarriage, what the "hotspots" and triggers for with each other and your respective kids are going to be before you all begin living under the same roof. While premarital counseling can help prepare your blended family for success, you often just can't anticipate what problems are going to come up until you do it. So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast I'm discussing the factors that lead to blended family problems, and how you can circumvent them (or repair them, if you're already going through this). By understanding the emotional dynamics at work in your blended family, and having a plan for how to negotiate them, you can create a happy, supportive and peaceful blended family experience. Really!

17 Aug 201539min

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with Sir John Hargrave about his new book, "Mindhacking." In it, Sir John takes a fresh and funny look at how our thoughts determine both our emotions, and our reality. Mindhacking is based on tried and true methods for learning how to create a "Happy Mind" -- Cognitive Therapy and Mindfulness Training. Both are reliable, helpful strategies that have been used by decades by life coaches and therapists. But Sir John uses the metaphor of computer programming to understand how to reprogram your brain to get better outcomes. I really enjoyed talking with Sir John about his ideas, as we share so many of the same evidence-based views on how people change: • How self awareness of your "old patterns" is the first step in creating new ones • How essential mindfulness skills are to feeling happy and well • And how learning how to shift your thoughts allows you to create healthy new feelings AND behaviors. So listen to our conversation and learn how to improve your mental focus, "debug your mind" of problematic thoughts, and create your very own Reality Distortion Field -- just like Steve Jobs! Learn more about Sir John Hargrave and Mindhacking on his website: www.mindhacki.ng Click here to pre-order your copy of Mindhacking (Due out in January) Find out more about Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and her Online Counseling and Life Coaching practice, or sign up for The Happiness Class at www.growingself.com.

3 Aug 201547min

SO many of our therapy or life coaching clients come to us with one core wish: To be happy. No matter what their current concerns, obstacles, or challenges, the hope of happiness is always the shining star that pulls them forward into life coaching. But sometimes it can be hard to know what being happy actually means. Truthfully, "happiness" means different things to different people.  Learning about other people who have followed their heartfelt values into genuinely happy lives can inspire us to do the same. The stories of others can light a lamp on our own path, and our own possibilities. Even if your values may be different, knowing that other people have taken bold action to create a meaning and joy can light a spark of inspiration for you to do some deep reflecting on what makes you happy -- and how you might take action to make big changes too.  On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm talking to a couple of Nomadic Souls who have discovered that for them, happiness is very much a journey rather than a destination. Listen to my interview with full-time travelers Kimberly Travaglino (Founder of Full-time Families) and Clementine Bakstein about how they and their families found happiness, meaning, and connection by following their values down the never-ending road.  All the best, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

27 Juli 201553min

Why Is It So Hard To Change... For Long? People start coaching or counseling eager to jump in and make new things happen. That is admirable, and enthusiasm is certainly the catalyst for great things. We must have hope in order to even try to change.  We all start out with grand plans and make sweeping, dramatic gestures to mark our transition into a better life: Buying personal productivity solutions, new workout clothes, cutting up all the credit cards, throwing away the half eaten bags of Ruffles, making solemn promises to be nicer to your partner, or flushing the cigarettes down the toilet.  Things are going to be different now. These rituals of change feel like the door to a new life, and we feel very pleased with ourselves for several days. But then.... it gets frustrating. Things get hard, get annoying, get boring, or we get upset and sure enough -- snap right back into our old patterns. It's easy to feel discouraged and get tricked into believing that you can't do it. But you can, my friend. You most certainly can. You can have it all. You can have better relationships, loose weight, save money, achieve your goals, be healthier, sleep better and feel happer.  Your ability to change your life is the same as everyone else's. What is the key to making lasting change? Listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast and find out. xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com The Secret To Changing Anything. (And Everything.) Listen Now. Music Credits: Echo and the Bunnymen Like this podcast? Don't forget to subscribe on iTunes!

28 Apr 201529min

Have you ever wondered what mistakes you might be making in your relationship? Or why new relationships seem to fizzle before they get off the ground? Relationship Expert and Dating Coach Stephan Lebossier is not afraid to tell you exactly what the problem is, and how to fix it. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm asking Stephan all your burning questions: What are some of the biggest mistakes men and women make in relationships? How can you become more attractive? What do you need to do to establish trust in a relationship? How can you open yourself up to love again, when you've been hurt in the past? His answers might surprise you! Get Ready For Love: Listen Now Questions? Comments? Ideas for the next show? Get in touch! www.growingself.com

7 Apr 201549min

Perfectionism is Paralyzing The pressure to be perfect infuses every aspect of our lives: From our homes to our jobs to our appearance to our kids we can feel driven to perform perfectly. Trying to do your best and excel is not a bad thing in itself. The problem arises when anything LESS than perfection is unacceptable. Of course we understand intellectually that being perfect all the time is impossible. But that doesn't change the grinding feelings of anxiety, failure and fear of judgment that rear up when we don't live up to our own expectations. If you are vulnerable to perfectionism you run yourself absolutely ragged attempting to live up to some impossible standard. But then messy, freewheeling life inevitably sideswipes your efforts. Your dinner party fails to meet your Pinterest-worthy standards, your garden is a weedy mess, your kids are grubby, or you're late again... and a black hole of guilt and shame rises up inside you, making it difficult to enjoy the beauty and goodness that also exists in your imperfect world. Many people who struggle perfectionism are incredibly competent, thoughtful, and thorough in everything that they do. However they can put SO much time and energy over-focusing on small details, it can make even the simplest projects seem overwhelming. The result, ironically, is procrastination, which leads to not having enough time to do a good job, which leads to more imperfection and feelings of shame and failure. If perfectionism gets too powerful it can lead to total avoidance of tasks: Piles of unfolded laundry, tons of clutter, unfinished household projects, and even serious problems at work or school are the hallmarks of a severe case of perfectionism. 3 Keys to Overcoming Perfectionism The good news? Perfectionism CAN be overcome. I know this, because in addition to working with many people who have struggled with and conquered perfectionism, I'm a perfectionist (in recovery) myself. This episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is all about how to help you overcome the anxiety and self-judgment that leads to perfectionism, and start enjoying you're life again. (And being more successful, productive and effective in the process). Listen and learn the three new ideas that will help you overcome perfectionism: Can you relate to perfectionism? Is it something that you're currently struggling with, or something that you've already overcome? Either way, I hope you share your story in the comment section of this post!  http://www.growingself.com/overcoming-perfectionism/ -- xo, Lisa Marie

25 Mars 201530min