#234 - How to Improve Emotional Intelligence

What do you do when someone you love sees the world so differently from you that every conversation feels tense? When your values and beliefs clash so deeply that you start wondering if you can stay close at all? If you’ve ever found yourself in that tension, between wanting to stay connected and wanting to stay true to yourself, you are not alone. In this episode, I’m talking with Dr. Bill Doherty, a professor, therapist, and co-founder of Braver Angels, about how to navigate hard conversations when politics, cultural influences, or deeply held beliefs divide us. Dr. Doherty shares how the same tools that heal intimate relationships can also strengthen our political communication, especially with the people we care about most. We talk about emotional self-regulation, listening with genuine curiosity, and the courage it takes to connect before you correct. You’ll hear how story and empathy can shift defensiveness into understanding, and how choosing calm over control can keep love alive across even the deepest divides. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction with Dr. Bill Doherty and Braver Angels 02:16 The Origin of Braver Angels Workshops 10:30 Affective Polarization and Its Impact on Relationships 16:07 Media, Social Media, and the Angertainment Industry 21:46 Emotional Regulation and Communication Strategies 30:39 Choosing Whether to Engage or Step Back 32:05 Connect Before You Disagree 37:13 Using “I” Statements and Sharing Personal Stories 42:29 The Stories Behind Our Beliefs 50:21 You Can’t Fight Someone the Same Way When You Know Their Heart Take a moment with me: who in your life do you find hard to talk to about what really matters? What might happen if you stopped trying to convince them and started listening for the experiences that shaped their beliefs? How might that change the way you show up in those moments? If listening today brought up memories of your own hard conversations, especially that ache of wanting to stay close when your differences feel impossible, I have something that can help. My Communication That Connects Free Masterclass is designed to help you move past power struggles and into real understanding. Inside, I’ll walk you through the exact skills that turn tense moments into opportunities for empathy and connection. You’ll learn how to calm reactivity, communicate from the heart, and create emotionally safe conversations - the kind that honor both your truth and your relationship. If this episode got you thinking (or feeling) about your own relationships, come hang out with me on Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube. I’m there every week sharing new insights, tools, and little reminders to help you stay grounded and connected - even when life gets messy! And if something from today’s conversation sparked a question or story you want to share, I’d love to hear from you. Let’s keep this conversation going. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

9 Okt 202555min

Have you ever fantasized about quitting your job, starting your own business, and finally doing something that feels 100% yours? It sounds amazing… until you remember that entrepreneurism also comes with risk, uncertainty, and about a million ways things can go sideways. So what does it really take to be an entrepreneur? In this episode, I’m joined by Melissa Bernstein - entrepreneur, creative, author, mother of six, and co-founder of both the billion-dollar toy company Melissa & Doug and the wellness brand Lifelines. Melissa shares what it really takes to be an entrepreneur: the resilience to weather constant storms, the patience to love the process for years before you see results, and the clarity of purpose that keeps you moving forward when everything feels like it’s falling apart. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 The Dream vs. Reality of Entrepreneurship 03:50 Start With Curiosity: Research Before You Launch 06:50 From Ingredients to Mission: Let Ideas Simmer 11:59 Resilience in Action: Setbacks, Copycats, and Mindset Shifts 18:22 The 3 Ps: Passion, Patience, and Purpose 20:46 Purpose Over Profit: Building a Legacy Brand 22:10 Patience Pays: A Decade to Real Traction 39:00 Openness to Experience: Beginner’s Mind and “New Eyes” 42:39 Protect Fragile Ideas: Share Only When the Vision Is Clear As you listen, reflect with me: What’s the mission you feel so strongly that you couldn’t walk away from it, even if you tried? Do you love the process of what you want to create enough to stay with it for decades? And are you running toward something that lights you up, or just trying to escape something you don’t like? If this conversation with Melissa got you thinking more deeply about your own path, I would love to help you take the next step. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team. It is a no-pressure chance to share what has been on your mind, whether that is growing in your career, clarifying your goals, or building more meaning into your work. I believe everyone deserves support as they figure out what is next, and these free consultations are one way I can make that support accessible. My hope is that you leave our time together feeling more clear, more encouraged, and more confident about where you are heading. And let’s not let the conversation stop here. I’m always sharing new insights, encouragement, and little growth tools on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube - but what I really love is hearing from you. Your thoughts and questions often spark future episodes, so if something in this one lit a fire for you, let me know. Let’s talk! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

6 Okt 202555min

This episode first aired on April 26, 2021 (Episode 243), and I’m bringing it back because so many listeners told me it felt like I was speaking directly to their experience. Living with a partner who always seems angry is confusing, painful, and can leave you feeling constantly on edge. In this episode, I’ll help you understand what’s really happening in that dynamic and share strategies to move back toward safety and connection. Whether you’re in the middle of it now, reflecting on a past relationship, or supporting someone you care about, my hope is that this brings you both clarity and comfort. Anger in relationships is almost always a secondary emotion. Beneath the sharp words or defensiveness, there’s usually hurt, fear, or a longing to feel cared for. I’ll walk you through why trying to shut anger down often makes things worse, how shifting your own responses can change the cycle, and what it really takes to rebuild trust and create space for vulnerability. As you listen, consider: What story have you been telling yourself about your partner’s anger? What might shift if you saw the pain or fear underneath it? And how could you show up in a way that invites connection instead of distance? Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Understanding Why Your Partner Always Seems Angry 05:47 The Pursue–Withdraw Cycle in Relationships 11:02 What’s Really Driving Anger in a Relationship 18:03 When Anger Crosses Into Abuse 20:03 How to Rebuild Trust Through Emotional Availability 24:28 Anger as a Secondary Emotion: Hurt and Fear Beneath the Surface 27:03 How Counseling and Support Can Shift Entrenched Patterns 28:06 Recommended Resources for Healing Relationships If you’re tired of replaying the same arguments, I created my Communication That Connects Free Training to help. It’s a crash course in breaking conflict loops and building conversations that bring you closer. It comes with a workbook so you can start practicing right away. You might also love my How Healthy Is Your Relationship? Quiz. It’s quick, but it will give you such a clear picture of your strengths as a couple and the areas that might need more care. Sometimes just naming what’s really going on is the first step to healing. For more ongoing support, join me on Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube, where I share tools and encouragement every week. And if this episode sparked a question or made you think of a topic you’d like me to cover, I’d love to hear from you - let’s talk! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

2 Okt 202535min

This episode originally aired on May 3, 2021 (Episode 244), and I’m bringing it back because so many of you told me how much it resonated. If you’ve ever struggled with a partner who shuts down or found yourself withdrawing, this one’s worth revisiting. Whether you’re navigating it now, reflecting on the past, or supporting someone you love, I hope it brings clarity and hope. Few things hurt more than reaching for your partner and being met with silence. In this episode, I’m unpacking why people shut down, how it damages connection, and what you can do to change the pattern. We’ll look at the pursue-withdraw cycle, Gottman’s “Four Horsemen,” and why emotional safety is the key to breaking through. You’ll learn how to soften your approach, communicate vulnerably, and rebuild trust - while also considering when it’s time to stop chasing and start filling your own cup.  As you listen, think about how you usually respond when your partner withdraws and what effect that has. Consider what might change if you focused more on creating safety than on pushing for answers. And ask yourself where you could begin creating fulfillment in your own life, instead of waiting for your partner to engage. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction & Why Partners Shut Down 06:00 The Pursue-Withdraw Cycle in Relationships 11:04 The Impact of Withdrawal and Avoidance 13:01 Gottman’s Four Horsemen & The Cost of Stonewalling 15:12 Why Withdrawal Happens & When It’s About More Than You 20:40 Creating Emotional Safety and Communicating Vulnerably 28:04 Positive Reinforcement, Diplomacy & Patience 36:10 Filling Your Own Cup & Breaking the Chase Cycle If you’d like more support as you work on these skills, check out my Communication That Connects Free Training. It’s designed to help you move out of conflict loops and into conversations that bring you closer, and it comes with a workbook to guide you through the process. You can also take my How Healthy Is Your Relationship? Quiz for quick insight into what’s working well and where you might want to focus your growth. Let’s stay connected beyond the podcast. I share more tools and encouragement every week on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. And I’d love to hear from you if this episode sparked a question, gave you an idea for a future topic, or made you think about your relationship in a new way - let’s talk! And a special thank you to the sponsor of today’s episode: Headway. I love reading and learning, but I don’t always have time to sit down with a book. The Headway app makes it easy to keep growing with bite-sized summaries of the best titles out there, and I use it almost every day. If you’d like to try it, you can save 25% at makeheadway.com/lhs with the promo code LHS. Let’s keep learning and growing together. 🌱 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self

29 Sep 202543min

Have you ever been totally into someone and then suddenly… you get the ick? One minute you’re feeling the spark, the next you’re questioning everything over something as small as flip-flops. Getting the ick can feel like a dealbreaker, but does it really mean your relationship is doomed - or is it pointing to something deeper inside of you? In this episode, I talk with therapist and journalist Matt Hussey about what the ick really is, why it shows up, and how to handle it without panicking or shutting down. We’ll look at the biology of disgust, the ways old hurts and perfectionism can shape our reactions, and how curiosity can transform that “ugh” moment into an opportunity for growth and connection. Matt also points out (as he shared in Vogue) that sometimes the ick is less about your partner and more about self-protection. Instead of working through discomfort or vulnerability, we latch onto surface-level quirks. Understanding that difference between a fleeting ick and a real red flag can help you respond with clarity instead of fear. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 What Is the Ick? 03:00 Getting the Ick in Modern Relationships 11:13 Why Curiosity Matters More Than Snap Judgments 22:07 Self-Protection, Trauma, and the Ick 29:15 How to Handle the Ick in Relationships 38:29 Avoidant Attachment and the Ick 44:10 Fantasy vs. Reality in Love Reflect with me for a moment: What has triggered the ick for you in the past? Did it reveal something about your partner, or did it say more about what was happening inside of you? And how might curiosity change the way you respond the next time those feelings come up? If you’d like more support around communication and connection, check out my Communication That Connects Free Training and take the How Healthy Is Your Relationship? Quiz for a clear snapshot of what’s working and what could use care. And let’s stay connected - join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube, where I share more tools to help you grow in love and life. If this episode sparked a question or an idea you’d like me to explore next, I’d love to hear from you. Let’s talk! I also want to thank today’s sponsor, Headway. As much as I love books, finding time to read isn’t always realistic. That’s why I use the Headway app - it gives me key takeaways from incredible books in minutes. I use it almost every day as part of my own growth. You can save 25% when you go to makeheadway.com/lhs and use promo code LHS. Let’s keep learning and growing together. 🌱 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self

25 Sep 202554min

Have you ever felt stuck between knowing what you should do and actually following through? That gap between intention and action isn’t a character flaw - it’s your brain running old programs. What if you could rewrite them? That’s exactly what I explored with Dr. David Spiegel, pioneer in clinical hypnotherapy research, author, and founder of the Reveri self-hypnosis app. He breaks down how hypnosis isn’t mind control or stage tricks, but a focused state of attention that helps you get out of your own way and create real change in your sleep, eating, weight, pain, stress, and habits. We talk about the science of self-hypnosis, why it works when insight alone doesn’t, and how technology is making it accessible to everyone. Dr. Spiegel also guides me (and you) through a live mini-session so you can feel what it’s like yourself. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome: Dr. David Spiegel 02:00 What Hypnosis Really Is (and Isn’t) 07:30 How Hypnosis Rewires the Brain and Reduces Pain 13:00 Self-Hypnosis for Smoking Cessation and Habit Change 20:00 Hypnosis vs. Meditation 26:00 The Reveri Self-Hypnosis App 33:00 Brain Science Behind Hypnosis 38:00 Using Hypnosis for Anxiety, Phobias, and Pain 47:00 Final Thoughts and Dr. Spiegel’s Mission What would change if you stopped relying on willpower alone and started using your brain’s own hidden tools for healing and growth? If you’ve been feeling stuck and aren’t sure why, my What’s Holding You Back? Quiz can help you uncover the hidden patterns, beliefs, or behaviors that might be silently sabotaging your progress. It’s a quick, eye-opening way to gain clarity and take the first step forward. And let’s stay connected beyond the podcast - I’m sharing new tools and insights every week on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. If this episode sparked a question or an idea you’d like me to cover in the future, I’d love to hear from you. Let’s talk! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self P.S. Before we wrap up, I want to thank the sponsor of today’s episode, Headway. We’ve been talking about the power of self-hypnosis to rewire your mind, and for me, reading is another way I open myself up to new perspectives. But life is busy, and I don’t always have the time to curl up with a full book. That’s why I love Headway. It takes the best books on psychology, personal growth, and beyond, and distills them into bite-sized insights I can actually fit into my day. I use it every morning, and it’s such a simple way to keep growing. And the best part? You can save 25% when you go to makeheadway.com/lhs and use code LHS. Here’s to learning, healing, and creating the kind of change that lasts. 🌱

22 Sep 20251h 2min

Have you ever said you’re “anxious” or “burned out,” only to realize those words don’t really capture what’s happening inside you? The way we label our emotions shapes how we experience them — and when the language is off, so is our path to healing. In this episode, I’m joined by author, creator, and mindfulness expert Case Kenny to talk about how mindfulness becomes powerful and practical when it’s rooted in language. Case shares how guided journaling and emotional vocabulary can help you move past vague “forest words” into precise truths that open the door to optimism, self-trust, and more authentic connections. We also dig into how so-called “negative” emotions — what I like to call dark emotions — aren’t obstacles to avoid but important signals that can strengthen your growth and your relationships. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction to Intentional Living and Mindfulness 01:06 The Power of Emotional Vocabulary 06:01 Guided Journaling for Emotional Clarity 15:22 Rethinking Settling Down in Relationships 20:05 Emotional Priming and How Language Shapes Experience 23:04 Building Self-Trust and Emotional Resilience 33:02 Embracing Dark Emotions for Growth 35:16 Communication and Emotional Connection in Love If this conversation left you thinking, “I want to do this work in my own life,” I’d love to help. You can schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team, and we’ll match you with the right expert for your goals. Whether you’re ready to deepen your self-awareness, work through old patterns, or create more authentic connections, we’ll give you the guidance and resources to start moving forward with clarity and confidence. And let’s keep the conversation going: join me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube for weekly tools and encouragement. If this episode sparked a question or idea you’d love me to cover in the future, let’s talk! Before we wrap up, I want to share something that’s been such a great companion to the kind of mindful growth we talked about today. You know I’m all about finding practical ways to keep learning, but with a busy life it can be hard to carve out quiet hours with a book. That’s why I’ve been loving the Headway app. It distills the big ideas from some of the best books into quick, actionable insights you can take with you right away. I’ve made it part of my own morning routine, and it’s such an easy way to keep stretching your mind every day. And here’s the best part — you can try it for yourself and save 25%. Just head to makeheadway.com/lhs and use code LHS. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self

18 Sep 202553min

Have you ever had a boss who left you walking on eggshells, never sure what mood they’d bring into the office? Maybe they humiliated people in meetings, lashed out without warning, or drained you so much that you came home with nothing left for yourself. A bully boss can affect far more than your workday. In this episode, I’m talking with Mita Mallick, speaker, workplace strategist, coach, and bestselling author. She’s sharing stories from her own career and what she’s learned about surviving toxic leaders - from executives who throw shoes to managers who use “toxic positivity” as a weapon. Mita also offers strategies for spotting warning signs in an interview, building an exit plan that protects your career, and regaining your confidence once you’ve left. We also explore the patterns that keep people stuck in unhealthy workplaces: how old experiences can shape what we tolerate, why many of us think we can “outwork” a bad boss, and what it really takes to reclaim your well-being. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 How Toxic Jobs Affect Your Life 00:43 Meet Mita Mallick: Speaker, Strategist, and Author 01:22 Surviving Abuse from a Bully Boss 07:16 Workplace Trauma and Mental Health 18:02 How to Spot Red Flags in Job Interviews 28:34 Types of Toxic Bosses and Their Behaviors 38:25 Exit Strategies and Rebuilding Confidence If you’d like more support beyond this conversation, you’re welcome to schedule a free consultation with me or a member of my team. We can help you make thoughtful career decisions, strengthen boundaries, and protect your mental health at work. I also encourage you to check out Mita’s new book, The Devil Emails at Midnight: What Good Leaders Can Learn from Bad Bosses. You can connect with her directly on LinkedIn and Instagram to keep learning from her insights on leadership and workplace culture. And of course, you can always stay connected with me on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube, where I share weekly tips and encouragement. I’d love to hear your thoughts - your questions and feedback always help shape future episodes. Let’s talk! I also want to extend a big thank-you to Headway for sponsoring this episode. Headway helps me keep growing, even on the busiest days, by making it possible to learn from the world’s top books in just minutes. I use it every day. I truly love it, and I think you will too. Save 25% when you go to ⁠⁠makeheadway.com/lhs⁠⁠ and use the promo code LHS. Let’s keep learning and growing together. 🌱 xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self

15 Sep 202550min