#248 - How to Forgive Yourself

Has your relationship been feeling hard lately? Arguing, bickering, sullen silences, critical comments, and rampant invalidation? If so, you're not alone. Virtually every couple has gone through rough patches like these. Relationship problems are exhausting, but mentally and emotionally draining too. Your relationship should be a source of comfort and support, not one of stress and anxiety. If you're normal, at a certain point, it starts to feel unsustainable to keep going as you have been, and start searching for solutions. You may even start entertaining the "final solution" of breaking up or getting divorced. There is a path forward that can bring you two back together again. It's actually fairly simple (but not easy). Listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast for advice from a marriage counselor for how YOU can get your relationship back on track. Happy Valentine's Day! xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

4 Feb 201959min

Although many people say, "marriage is just a piece of paper that doesn't really change a relationship," as a premarital counselor (and long married person) I often smile to myself when I hear this. What I've found to be true is that becoming engaged to marry most definitely does change a relationship, often in positive ways. Engagement also affords thoughtful couples opportunities to build their relationship's strengths, as well as take proactive action to prevent possible relationship problems in the future. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with expert premarital counselor Rachel Harder about the changes that happen in a relationship once couples get engaged, plus the skills and strategies that she teaches her premarital couples to help set them up for success. If you're recently engaged, want to be, or know someone who is, listen to our interview to hear about the most important domains of your relationship to focus on in order to build the foundation for a happy, successful and satisfying marriage. And, CONGRATULATIONS! Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT and Rachel Harder, M.A., LMFT-C www.growingself.com

21 Jan 20191h 2min

Building Better Relationships: Have you ever left relationship books laying around, or put a relationship podcast on hoping that a certain someone may reflect on their own behavior and be a better partner or friend for you? Have you ever dropped a hint (or SEVEN) to a coworker, boss, or friend about how you feel in your relationship with them, and how you hope they might change?   So often, we feel helpless around how to improve our relationships, because we feel like the quality of our relationships depends on what other people are doing or not doing.     It may sound counter-intuitive, but by focusing on your own "soft skills" you can transform your relationships single-handedly.    Today, on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm taking to my colleague (and relationship expert) Kathleen Carroll-Stutts about how to do that. Kathleen is a life coach, individual therapistand couples counselor here on the team at Growing Self. She is the facilitator of our Relationship Skills Group, and is here today to share her system for how to develop yourself so that you can build better relationships with the most important people in your life.   Listen to our interview to learn how to develop the communication skills and relationship skills that can help you build better relationships. Specifically:   Foundational Relationship Skills Self awareness -How understanding yourself, your needs, your feelings and your personal values can help you build better relationships with others. Emotional regulation -How being able to manage your feelings can help you communicate more effectively in relationships. Self respect -How having healthy self-esteem and self-love helps you have stronger and more authentic relationships. Assertiveness -How to develop your voice and your truth in order to communicate your needs, rights and feelings to others. Intermediate Relationship Skills How to improve your communication skillsby cultivating both self-expression skills as well as listening skills. Setting boundaries -How to set appropriate and healthy limits with others. How to manage conflict. Advanced Communication Skills and Relationship Skills Identifying our triggers -How to use our self-awareness, self-respect, and communication skills to avoid situations that would be bad for us and bad for our relationships. Empathy -Learning how to understand the needs, rights, feelings and perspectives of others, and how to use that awareness to improve communication and build better relationships. How to cope with relationship challengesincluding dealing with toxic people, how to deal with criticism, and what to do with bullies.   We sincerely hope that this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast helps to give you some direction for building better relationships in your life! xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and Kathleen Carroll Stutts, M. Ed., LPC www.growingself.com

14 Jan 20191h 1min

Advice From a Life Coach: Here we are, just a week into the new year. If you're like many people, your track record on those resolutions may already be spotty. Or perhaps you've tossed the whole plan out the window already. Fear not: Making changes is not about doing the thing perfectly every time. You don't just hop in a car, point the steering wheel in the general direction of the grocery store, and then expect to get there do you? Of course not. From the moment you pull out of the driveway you're turning, speeding up, slowing down, taking detours, stopping for gas — you adjust and flex the whole way there. BUT. That's not to say that it isn't helpful to have tools and strategies to help you along the way. Just like you use your handy Google Map App to get you from A-Z, there are many useful tricks and life-hacks to make doing what you want to do easier than it would be if you just wandered out without a map. Particularly if your goals for the new year involve creating a new keystone habit, and making it stick, there's an easy way and a hard way. Here at Growing Self, we're all about making growth and success as simple and painless as possible. So, here's a bonus episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to support you on your journey. I'll be discussing: Useful apps and practical strategies to keep you on track Psychological strategies to keep you motivated. The mindsets that will lead you towards success... and the ones that will send you skidding off the rails   You can do this! Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

7 Jan 201924min

When you get married or commit yourself to a long-term relationship, you're signing on to support each other through thick and thin. If you're fortunate, most of the time things are okay: the sun shines and you live in the benevolence of the universe. But not always. Unexpected job loss, a death in the family, serious illness or infertility— these are only some of the common issues that many (most? all?) couples are going to face together at some point or another. These can be particularly challenging to cope with during the holiday season. So, today on the show, we're going there and talking about how to negotiate these hard times successfully, as a couple. Master marriage counselor, couples therapist, and relationship coach Meagan Terry, M.A., LMFT will be sharing her best relationship advice to help you both have greater empathy and compassion for each other when the chips are down. She'll be discussing communication strategies you can use to stay connected through hard times, and also some tips for how to support each other as individuals around things like illness, grief, and death, and infertility. A master career coach is also sharing her best tips for how to cope with the stress of a layoff or job loss and stay connected with your partner as you go through it.  We hope that this discussion helps you find your way through this hard time together. Yours sincerely, Lisa Marie Bobby   www.growingself.com

3 Dec 20181h 7min

Your Holidays Will Be Good When Your Boundaries Are. In case you hadn't noticed the towering pumpkin displays in the grocery store, the catalogues and coupons clogging your mailbox, or the tinsel-spangled interiors of every store you dare step foot in... the holidays are upon us. The holidays can be so amazing: Its the time to expand our souls, embrace generosity and good will, enjoy the warmth of our families and friends, and be grateful for the wonderful relationships in our lives. And... as you well know, holidays can also be fraught with stress, overwhelm, overspending, and tense moments with family members. In my experience as both a marriage counselor and therapist (as well as personally) the "dark side" of the holiday experience often happens when people struggle to hold healthy boundaries. The Usual Suspects: Too Soft: When people are too passive and boundary-less they often wind up feeling put-upon, mistreated or disrespected by family members (or partners!) -- and resentments brew. Not fun, particularly when suppressed seething bubbles over in passive aggressive comments, or bursts out in straight up hostility. Too Hard: When people are too rigid with their boundaries, friends and family members may feel put-upon, mistreated or disrespected by them -- and tempers flare. It's not fun to feel like people are irritated and put off by you, and have no idea why. Unclear: When people struggle to hold healthy boundaries with themselves, they overcommit time and energy, have unrealistic expectations of themselves and overspend -- leaving themselves feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, and emotionally (and financially) depleted by the time New Year's rolls around. Not fun at all. Because these kinds of boundary problems are so common (and so darn avoidable, with advance planning) I thought I'd put together some holiday-specific boundary advice on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. I'm sharing some tools to help you get your boundaries "just right," and enjoy yourself this year.  I sincerely hope that it helps you avoid the pitfalls and enhance all the wonderful moments that the month ahead has to offer. From me to you, Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com Music Credits: Ty Segall, "Ceasar"

19 Nov 201837min

For those of you so deeply affected by the latest crazy-making experience in your toxic workplace that you're almost too stunned to type... For those of you sitting at your desk, cradling your head in your hands... For those of you frantically searching co-workers’ faces for clues, wondering if you’re the only one noticing the madness... This podcast is for you. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm joined by expert career and executive coach. She's sharing her best career advice for how to tell if your workplace is toxic, and if so, how to survive... and ultimately move on victoriously. Links to the resources we discussed here: https://www.growingself.com/toxic-workplace-career-advice All the best,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

5 Nov 201844min

In our hectic, demanding lives, it's easy to lose sight of ourselves: Who we are, how we feel and what we need. Even more challenging can be figuring out how to assert all-of-the-above in our relationships with others. This is particularly true if you've been existing in a toxic relationshipor codependent relationship, or navigating the aftermath of a bad breakup. In the midst of stressful circumstances, attaining empowerment can seem out of reach — especially when you've been focused outwards rather than within.   Attaining Empowerment On today's show my colleague, therapist and life coach Teena Evert and I are talking about many of the "pieces" involved with cultivating personal empowerment, including: Mindful self-awareness Building self-loveand self-compassion Why building a sustainable self-care routineis key to maintaining your solid foundation How stress can impact your empowerment The need to create balance by staying aware of your feelings How to be assertive and set boundaries in relationships... while also being flexible Trusting yourself How to ask for what you need... while also having compassion and empathy for people you love Developing a sense of self worth that is independent of external validation How to not give your power away, blame others, or lose yourself in relationships How to not fear your own power I hope our conversation gives you insight into how to begin cultivating empowerment in your life. With love and respect, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com PS: We discussed a number of resources on the show today. Find links to them here: https://www.growingself.com/self-empowerment

22 Okt 201849min